Category: Book Reviews

Becoming a Person of Influence

By John Maxwell

 

• Everyone is an influencer of people no matter who you are. You don’t have to be the highest position to influence others, if you simply have contact with other people, you can influence others.

• Without influence, there is no success.

• A parent has to influence his children in a positive way; a pastor must be able to influence his people in a positive way in order to grow the church; a coach must influence his players in order to have a good team; and a manager must influence his employees or customers in order to make good sales.

Modeling – the first step of influence is modeling it; people do what people see.

Motivation – this is the second level of influence. You must be up close and personal to motivate someone. If people feel good about you and themselves when you’re with them, it will increase your influence and potential.

Mentoring – this is the third level of influencing and has to do with pouring your life into someone else.

Multiplication – this is the fourth and highest level. You help those who you’re influencing to do more as a result of your help and influence. Although few people ever make it to this level of influence, all of us have the potential to do so.

• A Person of Influence has Integrity with People

• • You don’t want to give away or sell your integrity for any price.
  • You can cut corners and no one will know, but it’s better to have a clear conscience than merely getting by with something.

• • Politicians are caught doing illegal actions, professional sports players are caught with drugs, pastors are caught in adultery, and the list can go on.

• • Character is made over time.
  • Character flaws are not made in dark times, they are revealed in dark times.
  • When Lincoln was in office he said that when he leaves the office he wants to be friends with mainly one person and that is himself – his integrity was important to him.

• • Integrity is your best friend.
  • Integrity is also your friend’s best friend. Doing right is best for you and others.

• • Trust is the bottom line of integrity and trust is a glue to keep friends together — when you get peoples trust, you can influence them.

• A Person of Influence Nurtures People

• • To care for a dog you must feed it, then it will become loyal and love you. In some ways, people need to be cared for and fed as well: emotions, security, hope, etc.

• • We tend to think that in order to influence someone we have to have an authority position over them and constructively criticize them, but that is not true. To influence someone, we must care, help and have concern for them.

• • You cannot antagonize and influence someone at the same time.
  • You cannot publicly make someone feel important if you do not secretly think anything of that person.

• • People are influenced the most by those who make them feel good about themselves.

• • The key to nurturing other people is to become other-minded. Think of them and put yourself in their shoes.

• • Great leaders have a way of making other people feel a part.
  • When you nurture people and show respect to them, not expecting anything in return, you can influence their life.

• A Person of Influence has Faith in People

• • Give people hope.
  • The key to how you treat people is what you think about them. Treat a man as he is and you’ll make him feel miserable, but treat a man as you think he should be and you’ll make him into a great person.

• • Give people your time, give with no strings attached, be accessible to them, and help them.

• A Person of Influence Listens to People

• • Yes it is important to have vision casting, to be organized, and more, but the indispensable quality that you need as a leader is to learn to listen.

• • You’re not learning anything if you are doing all the talking.
  • Woodrow Wilson said that the ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

• • Listening to people earns respect, generates loyalty, gives understanding of others, will help you and much more.

• • In order to be a good listener, you have to want to hear.
  • Here are nine suggestions to help you become a better listener:

• • • Give your undivided attention – don’t catch up on work or shuffle through papers while you’re supposed to be listening.
    • Don’t interrupt – it is just as rude to step on other people’s ideas as it is to step on their toes.

• • • Focus on understanding – most people can only remember 50% of what they hear. So decide to understand and not just listen.

• • • Determine the need at the moment – people talk for different reasons: some need to be heard, some to vent, some out of frustration, etc. Find out why they are saying what they’re saying.

• • • Check your emotions –

• • • Suspend your judgment – don’t jump to any conclusions until you’ve heard all of what has been said.

• • • Sum up at major intervals – if you train yourself to comment frequently (summing up what they said after they finish a specific point), the person will know that you are listening and following them.

• • • Ask good questions – if you want to understand someone, learn to ask them the right questions, follow-up questions.

• • • Make listening a priority – it should be important to us to listen to those whom we work with and those around us, make it a priority.

• A Person of Influence Understands People

• • Success in business has much to do with dealing with people, in fact all of life has to do with dealing with people.

• • If you cannot understand people and work with them, you can’t accomplish anything and you definitely cannot be a person of influence.

• • If you can learn to understand people, than you can help them, motivate them and influence them in a positive way.

• • Understanding people is so important, but why do so many people not care about understanding others – because of fear, intimidation, insecurity and so much more.

• • To understand people, realize that:
    • Everybody wants to be somebody – but it’s a basketball player or anything else, everyone wants to do something of significance with their life. If you treat everyone you meet as important, you can make a difference in her lives.

• • • People have a need to be loved – nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

• • • Everybody needs somebody – everyone needs somebody to come alongside them and help them – if you understand this, it will help others and yourself.

• • • Everybody can be somebody when somebody believes in them – little things done at unimportant times can make a big difference. When was the last time you went out of your way to make someone feel special?

• • • Anybody who helps somebody influences a lot of bodies – when you help one person, you are really impacting many other people.

• A Person of Influence Enlarges People.

• • You can make others better than what they are right now.
  • To become an influence to people and help them, you have to come alongside them in their lives.

• • If you’re going to help others, you yourself must grow and become better.
  • You can teach what you know but you can only reproduce what you are
  • You must continue growing and learning if you’re going to help other people.
  • To help others:
    • See their potential

• • • Cast a vision for the future. There are two kinds of people in life: the realist and the dreamers, the ones who’ve already been there.

• • • Tap into their passion. Everyone has a passion for something so in order to help and influence someone, find out what their passion is & tap into it.
    • Address any character flaws. Remember that integrity is the foundation for growth, so if you do not help them with their foundation, they will not be able to grow.

• • • Focus on their strengths first. Bring out their strong qualities and good attributes, the weaknesses can wait. Only after you have brought out the strengths can you help with their weaknesses… and even then, help in a gentle way and do one thing at a time with the weaknesses.

• • • Enlarge one step at a time. Help them grow in steps instead of overwhelming and discouraging them. Help them in the areas of attitude and relationships.

• • • Put resources in their hands. If you put good resources in people’s hands, not only will they look forward to seeing you but they will also grow in various areas of their life.

• • • Teach them to be self growers. Teach them to help themselves, to find resources and to stand alone.

• A Person of Influence Navigates for Other People.

• • Most people need help getting through difficult times in life and they could use help by being coached by someone with a good attitude.

• • A leader is someone who sees before other see and understands before others understand.

• • To help navigate people know:
    • What do people cry about – what other worries fears and doubts.

• • • What do people dream about

• • • Where are people going in life – help them know where to go and how to get there.
    • Make coarse corrections – not everyone knows when they get off track and how to get back on. Not everyone is a problem solver, so help them.
    • Good navigators go alongside the people – don’t just tell them where to go and how to go, go along with them.

• • Become a navigator of others – you will not only be able to help them through difficult times in their life, but your help will make you friends for life.

• A Person of Influence Connects with People

• • You can navigate people bayou going alongside them, but to connect with them they have to come alongside you.

• • To connect with people remember the following:
    • Don’t take people for granted – you can only help people and influence them if you value them.

• • • Possess a make-a-difference mindset – believe that you can make a difference, that the information you have can make a difference and your time with that person can make a difference.

• • • Initiate towards them – one of the biggest problems managers have is the disconnect from their people. Most people believe that it is the follower’s decision to connect with them, but that is just the opposite for a leader who wants to influence.

• • • Find common ground – learn to listen and find what you have in common.

• • • Recognize and respect differences with other people – yes we find common ground, but they do not have to be exactly like us.

• • • Find the keys to others lives – everyone has a key to their life, you just have to find it.

• • • Communicate from the heart – now that you know who he is and what he is like, communicate from your own heart, be genuine.

• • • Share common experiences – nothing will bind you together like the time of sharing experiences together. Take someone with you, eat a meal together, do an activity together, work together, etc.

• • • Once connected, move forward – if you have not connected with the person, you cannot go forward; but if you have connected with the person, it’s time to move forward. Connection creates willingness.

• A Person of Influence Empowers People

• • When you become an empower-er, you don’t only work in and through people, but you enable them to do more.

• • When you teach your child how to go across the street by himself and then let him, you are empowering him — and the same with delegating anything.

• • To empower others, you must have the position, relationship, respect and commitment to empower others.

• • To empower others:
    • Evaluate them – find out at what level they are in order to help them.

• • • Model for them – even people with skill and desire need to know and see what is expected of them.

• • • Believe in them – tell them and show them that you believe in them.

• • • Transfer authority to them – it’s more than just giving them a workload, it’s giving them the authority to do it.

• • • Assure your confidence in them publicly – public recognition shows them that you believe they will succeed.

• • • Supply them with feedback – if you’re helping them, you must also give them feedback on how they’re doing, etc.

• • • Release them to succeed on their own – you want the best for them so let them go succeed on their own.

• A Person of Influence Reproduces other Influencers.

• • You may have helped others but if you cannot pass the baton effectively, it will die with them.

• • There’s no greater honor than a man pouring himself into something and then when he leaves, it flourishes.

• • The function of a leader is to produce more leaders, not more followers.
  • Learn to move from maintenance to multiplication – most people live their lives in the stage of maintenance and never get to the stage of multiplication.

I – modeling integrity

N – nurturing the people to make them feel valued

F – showing faith in others so they can believe in themselves

L – listening to others

U – understanding them so that you can help them achieve their dreams

E – enlarging them in order to help them increase their potential

N – navigating people through life’s difficulties until they can do it themselves

C – connecting with them so that you can move them to a higher level

E – empowering them to become the person that they were made to be

R – reproducing others so that your influence can continue on

Be The Dad She Needs You to Be

by Kevin Lehman

 

• A home where the dad is not present will more likely be involved in drugs, illicit sex, alcohol, etc.

• Girls especially need their dads.

• Study each of your children and find out what they like and what makes them special.

• No your daughters as an individuals, she is unique so treat her special.

• If you want your daughters to live a disciplined lifestyle, you have to do so yourself.

• If you make it a habit of shutting your daughters down, they will get back at you by doing the opposite or hurting you in someway; that’s human nature.

• Types of parents:

• • The Authoritarian Parent – I am bigger therefore I am better. Just do what I say. The only thing that matters is what I think therefore what I think and say goes. Juvenile detention centers are full of girls who had dads who wanted it their way and always got it their way.

• • The Permissive Parent – whatever she wants she gets. I will pay your tickets, I will get you what you want, etc. but that only creates a kid who thinks that they can have everything they want and everyone around them becomes their hostage. burying your head in the sand does your children a huge disservice.

• • The Authoritative Parent – this is the parent that puts boundaries, realizing that God has given them the position. This is the parent that realizes that they are the adult year and must act like it, they must put boundaries and limits. Your daughter needs to know that there are rules and you’re going to enforce them. There are times when you must say no.

• Daughters that have no doubt about their father’s love for them are more prepared for meeting the world.

• Do not avoid the subject of sex, I knows teachable moments every day like to let your daughters know what it is before the world teaches them what it is. It is better that she learns from a man that she can trust them from a world she cannot trust.
• The best thing that you can do as a father is love your wife. Be the right example.
• The one and most important ingredient in every daughter’s life is their relationship with their father. If that is missing than every other area will suffer.

• When a father is present in the home, it gives security, comfort and assurance to the daughter(s).

• Forgiveness is something great that you can give to your daughter – forgive and ask forgiveness.

• As dads, we must learn to understand her and not just trying to fix her.

• Your daughter will end up marrying someone just like you, dad. If you’re abusive, she will very likely marry an abusive person. If you’re absent, demeaning or loving, that’s probably the type of person she will marry.

• Allow your daughter to get disappointed – the seems the opposite of what we dads want to do or should do. If she comes home disappointed or upset about something, let her learn from that as well. Never let your daughter be abused in anyway, we are talking about her learning and times she is let down in this unfair world.

• Instead of fixing every situation for your daughter, give her the tools in order to fix the situation herself.

• Teach your daughters that other people do matter. If you teach your daughter to put others first, she will be fulfilled and happy. If you teach her to always put herself first, she will always be unfulfilled because someone else is prettier, better, smarter or gets their way.

• Real men show their emotions and share their emotions.

• Walk your talk; become the kind of man that you want your daughter to marry. Would you want your your daughter to marry someone like you? If not, than change!

• Your daughter need your encouragement to get through life.

• Step into your daughter’s world.

• What your daughter thinks about herself, her role and values in this world will come from you dad.
• Be involved in the details. For your daughter sake, get out of your comfort zone and be involved in little things that she likes.
• Your daughter’s interest will change with her age and stages of life; and she needs you as a dad involved in each one of those.

• Learn to connect to your daughters heart.

• Good job – those are super powerful words that a dad should use for his daughter.

• Our job is not to create little clones of ourselves but to help draw out the good personal characteristics of our children. Help her to become a success in life.

• There’s a difference between praise and encouragement – praise is directed to the person and encouragement is about the activity that they did.

• Give your daughter freedom to fail – she is not going to be the best sports player, musician, prettiest girl, etc. When a girl feels that she has failed her dad, she goes to extremes. Let her know that she is loved and admired, appreciated and cherished.

• If you want your daughter to learn how to handle failures well, show her how you handle your own. Tell her how you messed up but it still worked out, share those goofy stories that will make her laugh and still teach her a lesson.

• Practice saying I am sorry and say it often.

• Learn to reveal your embarrassing moments. Everyone has them, but not everyone admits them. Be willing to share them with your daughter and family and let her know how you handled them. Young people, specifically daughters, are scared to death about being embarrassed, but when you share your story about embarrassing moments, she can laugh and her fears can be taken away. Your daughter needs to see how you handle those moments.

• We all have the same amount of time in a day. We can spend extra time at work and make a few extra bucks or we can go home and see our daughters – they need us to be present in their lives. Dad, you are needed at home!

• If you want something different between you and your daughter’s relationship, it is time to change now. And if there’s hardly no time in your schedule for your daughter, it is time to rearrange things in your schedule.

• You leave a imprint on your daughter’s life, so what is your imprint going to be?

• There are no perfect dads but there are good dads – decide to be a good dad.

Axiom

Powerful Leadership Proverbs

by Bill Hybels

I. Vision and strategy.

Language matters.

• Your word choice is very important when you want to say something.

• Leadership can rise and fall on the words that a leader choose.
• When you put the right words with your vision, they can become alive and powerful.

• Choose the right words and others will be in a situation in which they can exceed.
• You may know exactly what you want, but if you do not choose the right words then you will not get the people on board with you. You must use the right words.

Make the big ask.

• Leaders are always asking; asking people to come to Christ, asking people to grow, asking people to buy into their vision, asking people to help, etc.

• Asking is part of your leadership role, but the longer you lead the bigger your asking’s become.

• When handled properly, people are honored to be asked to do things for God.
• Learning to develop how to ask is very important for a leader and his ministry.
• If you have a vision, stand up boldly and look someone eye to eye and learn to ask in the right way. If you learn how to do this, you, your ministry and others will be blessed by it.

Different seasons

• A key responsibility of a leader is to identify what season their ministry is in and then communicate that correctly to their followers.

• When is it time to deepen your foundation, bring more in, get more staff, restructure, etc.?

• It may be time to put all the ministries under a microscope and see if it is time to let them die or change them up. This is hard for a leader, but a leader must learn to identify and know how to work through different seasons.

• You are always in a different season, and as a leader you must learn what the season is and how to navigate through it.

Explosive growth equals Dramatic meltdowns

• When God gives blessings and ministry grows, we must take the time to see if we can structure that growth or if it will break us apart. Many leaders are not ready for growth.
• When growth comes, we can see the blessings and know that God always does his part, but have we done our part to be ready for it?

• Yes, pray that God will give growth, but do your part and be prepared for all the needs that that growth will bring.

Vision, paint the picture passionately.

• William Wilberforce believed one day that slavery would be abolished and the Wright brothers believed that one day people could fly.
• At the core of leadership is vision.
• Vision is a picture of the future that places passion in people.
• Vision and passion are bound up in the heart of a leader.
• Paint the picture for others of the vision that God has placed in your heart – passionately as you can, and do not apologize about it.

Bold move

• Courageous high risk plans.

• You will never take big hills without making bold moves.

An owner or a hireling.

• The apostle Paul headed to Jerusalem knowing that he would very likely be killed. But this did not stop him because he was not a hireling.
• Followers will buy into a vision as much as they believe the leader believes and owns the vision.

• The fun factor will eventually drain out and excitement will dry up… But we must continue and finish the vision that God is put in our heart or we are nothing more than a hired-hand.

Hire 10’s

• Someone who is a number 5 on the scale cannot teach someone who is a number 10 on the scale.
• You must raise your level of effectiveness and hire those who are capable as well

– if not you will never be able to get anyone effective.

• Train your staff to shoot high in their effectiveness.

The fair exchange value.

• A worker deserves his salary.

• Every leader wants maximum results, but the truth is we will receive what we deserve and what we are worthy of, there’s a fair exchange.

The value of a good idea

• Because of a good idea, ministries are added or changed and people can be influenced. Pray that God would give you the idea needed for a specific time and occasion.

• Good leaders know how to seek out ideas that are worth doing.

• Great leaders keep a pad of paper and pen by their bed so they can write down ideas when they come to them. If you are on the road or wherever you may be, have a plan how to write down or do something to later remember a good idea that came to you.

• Good ideas do not happen without someone thinking through it.

Build a boiler fund.

• Things happen that wreck even the greatest of ministries.

• Someday when you least expect it, a boiler (important, expensive piece of equipment) will bust and you will not be able to afford it. Save up now so that you will be ready for that moment.

Vision leaks.

• We can get everyone stirred up and excited on Sunday, but by Tuesday they have totally forgotten about it.
• You have to refill vision every once in a while.
• Learn to ask your staff and others helpful their vision bucket is. Get a gauge of how full the vision buckets around you are and then get busy on topping them off.

Misc.

• • You will have 10 out of every 100 people that will move, die or leave your church every year. Growth must be incremental growth.
  • Have a six-week list of goals, tasks, etc.
  • There are some discussions that must be discussed with many people and other discussions that should stay between a small group or it could cause confusion.

• Teamwork and communication

Never say someone’s “no” for them.

• You will never know if you do not ask. You may be afraid to ask someone to help, give, work, etc. But do not rule it out, let them say no instead of saying it for them.

Do not place people positions that they have not been tested for.

• Putting a person in a position that they cannot do will hurt many people.

Leaders like to be prepared and have contingency plans.

• You have to teach your people and your staff to avoid any last-minute 11th hour surprises.

The people you lead have to know that they are part of a burden-carrying team.

A leader must learn to ask his team how they are doing.

• We live in a world where asking someone how they are doing means to give a superficial answer, but leaders must ask team how they are really doing in order to work together and be most effective.

Get the right people around the table.

• Every problem known to mankind is solvable when you have the right people at the table.
• You could be nervous about situations but if you have capable people working with you than you can know things will be taken care of.

Who is in charge.

• Problems will not be solved unless everyone knows who is in charge of specific areas.
• Nothing is fixed when no one knows whose responsibility it is to fix it.
• Have someone in charge of every area from the get-go and problems will be solved, things will be accomplished and fruit will be seen.

Speed of the leader is speed of the team.

• Jesus said follow me and Paul said imitate me.

• If you want to know how determined people are in their jobs, look at how determined the leader is. The same can be applied with how people respond to a problem, how joyous they are, how gracious they are, and how much faith they have. The leader sets the pace.

• Leaders must never expect from others what they do not do themselves. Leader cannot expect more creativity, higher commitment or better work ethic if they are not modeling it.

• A leader should be able to say follow my values, my integrity, and my work ethic, and be very satisfied with the results.

Pay attention to greetings and goodbyes.

• A leader usually wants to jump right in and get things accomplished, but he should take time for the greetings and goodbyes.
• The most important part of a meeting is the greetings and goodbyes, not the agenda, goals or other details.

• If you shake hands, smile and welcome people genuinely, the meeting will go better, there will be a different spirit about it, and more will be accomplished. How you begin and end a meeting is much more important than we know.

Deliver the bad news first.

• What you leave with someone will be remembered, so begin the meeting or conversation with the bad news first.
• Once the bad news is out, you are free to talk about other things and the worse part is over.
• Too many leaders kick off the meeting by rattling off the best news first and then end with the bad news — big mistake.

• The difference between great communication and poor communication many times is where you place the bad news.

Disagree without drawing blood.

• Ephesians 4:15 – speak the truth in love.

• When we quarrel, and we will, we can disagree without hurting the future relationship or cause.

• Your team must know that they can disagree without drawing blood.

Help me understand.

• Instead of being critical or attacking the person for what he/she did, make sure you understand exactly why they did what they did, the person’s intentions and reasons. You may still have to take action, but asking may change how you look at the situation.

• The spirit of the question will help your criticism or correction with the person.

Just to be clear.

• Great leaders know that they must be crystal clear when they sound the trumpet.

• Learn to ask again if you were clear. Finish your topic by saying, “just to be clear, I am saying…”.

A–B–C.

• Tell people how they are doing at their job – evaluate them with A,B,C. This is clear and will let them know that they are doing good or need to improve.
• Everyone wants to know if they are succeeding or failing.

Keep short accounts.

• Working close to others will inevitably lead to someone getting their feelings hurt.

• There are two thoughts here: 1) Some think that just letting time go by, the problem will heal itself. 2) The Bible way is Ephesians 4:26, to not let the sun go down on your wrath.

• The more time between the infraction and the healing will only cause the problem to grow, so go fix things right away.

• Learn to make the phone calls or go meet the people and ask forgiveness or if everything is fine – keep short accounts and it will be better for everyone.

• The healthiest places or not those that are conflict-free rather those committed to keeping short accounts.

We get to do this together.

• Remember that when things are accomplished to let everyone about the victory but the best part is that we got to do this together.
• When something happens, make sure to honor the individuals that contributed to making it happen.

III. Activity and Assessment.

We should be the people shoveling and not those leaning on the shovel.

• The doors are open, the path is clear the time is now, we must become action oriented and get things done.
• Lead with a bias toward action and hire those as well that have a bias toward action.

Performance buys freedom.

• When staff gets things done allow them to have freedom areas but if things are not getting done, then step in and limit freedoms.

Be responsible.

• Respond to phone calls, emails and letters within 24 hours.

• Return every phone call, no one likes to feel ignored.
• Every week he (Bill Hybles) write 15 to 24 thank you letters and responds to all his letters.

• Small stuff does in fact matter no matter who you are.

Too much.

• Good leaders call out high commitments from people but you must know when is too much.
• You cannot expect or ask people to do things too much or you will burn them out.

Facts are your friends.

• You might see a decrease in numbers and ask what is going on only to be told that people are still fine and all is ok. But the facts still show you something is wrong. The facts are your friends.

• Leaders are quick to make excuses like: times are hard, it’s not like it used to be, there is a evil spirit here, etc. But we must take action by looking at the facts and knowing something must be changed.

• We may think that facts are our enemy because they show where we fail and how we are not doing very well, but we must embrace the facts and find the solution.

Find the critics kernel of truth.

• Tucked inside each criticism holds some kernel of truth.

• If we can learn to identify, we can get much help from it instead of stewing over the negative side.
• Finding the kernel of truth is a tough thing to master, but if we can learn it than we will be much more effective.

Leaders must be a fight.

• The leader is not meant to stay in an air-conditioned room, he must get out there and lead in the heat of the battle.
• The leader must provide the energy and enthusiasm that their troops.

Brain breaks.

• There is only a certain amount of time that you can study and work before you’re brain needs to take a break.
• Typically it happens at the 60 minute or 90 minute mark.
• A brain break should be about 15 minutes of getting up, walking around, grabbing a snack, getting some fresh air, changing rooms or whatever you need to let your blood flow.

• Many times the brain break will allow you to think of new ideas when you return.
• Your mind works according to rhythms of concentration that are beyond your control.

Pace your speed.

• Many leaders grow in so many areas but their soul is starved.

• If you go to fast, you may be empty on the inside.
• You have to learn to ask yourself if you are growing on the inside as well as the outside.

• Is your relationship with God growing or decreasing? Are you drawing closer to God or further?

• How is my relationship between me and God? How is my relationship between me and my family?

• Am I so wrapped up in my work that I neglect my relationship with God, family and personal growth?

• If your soul is suffering, maybe it’s time to change your pace. Maybe you need to slow down and rethink things.

What to do when you fail.

• It’s easy to go in and criticize or blame others, but why not check out the reasons.

• Did you learn anything from it? If you learned from it, than it was worthwhile.
• Learn something from every mistakes.

Have a daily finish line.

• Do you know when your day starts and when your day ends? Do you have a specific time when you can wrap things up, shut the computer, get up and say you’re finished?

• Having a finish line for yourself will greatly help you.
• You could be making great progress, but if you do not have a finish line, you will run yourself ragged and burn out.
• Create your own finish line both daily and weekly. By creating finish lines, you will be much more relaxed and less stressed. You could become a greater parent, spouse and person as a result of setting finish lines in your work and life.
• Ministry becomes nonstop all of the time and resentment can set in, so set finish lines to avoid resentment, burnout and quitting.

Debrief.

• Every leader wants to become better, every team wants become better and every organization wants to become better. If you’re not careful you will think you were always going to get better and soon be let down. You must have the discipline to debrief.

• A leader must stop and go over everything that happened if he is going to get better.

• Rally the troops after a big event and find out why or why things didn’t go like they were supposed to.

Pay now, play later.

• Leaders know that they must do the critical task first. You have to pay before you can play.
• Every day you will see fun or easy things that you can do, but you must choose to do the hard thing first.

Are we still having fun.

• Sure they’re going to be hard times, but there should be some sense of satisfaction if we’re doing what we believe God wants us to do.
• We can and should still be having fun even in the hard times.
• Learn to ask yourself and ask your staff if you’re still having fun.
• Effective leadership has a lot to do with making sure the people’s spirits stay lifted up and they enjoy what they do.

Do not beat the sheep.

• There will be plenty of times when goals are not reached and expectations are not met. There will be times when people do not show up or things will not get done, but be very careful not to take it all out on the sheep.

• Many want to think about the days when the shepherd carried around a big stick and hit the sheep when they did not do what they were supposed to, but that should not happen in leadership.

• Many times it is the leader, the shepherd, that needs to be beat and not the sheep. We think it is their fault but it may be our fault. Have you prayed? Have you conveyed it correctly? Did you choose the right time to do it? Did you plan well? If the answers are no, you cannot blame the sheep, you must blame yourself.
• Before you get mad, but the stick down and ask yourself if you have served your sheep first. Never beat the sheep.

IV. Personal integrity.

Read all you can.

• What are the name of three leadership books that you have read in the last 12 months?
• Leaders know the importance of reading.
• When you read, you place new and fresh ideas in your mind.
• If you are serious about leading, you will read all you can – when you feel like it and when you do not.

• If you get yourself in a bind do not know what to do because you have not read any good books lately, it is all your fault.

Just do something.

• You will get better at things when you do things.

• Don’t talk about or have theories about, just begin doing something and you will grow in so many ways.

Arrive early or do not arrive at all.

• Jesus said let your yes be yes and your no be no, so arrive on time or don’t tell people that you will meet them.
• Promises are about character keeping and will reveal your character.
• When a leader arrives late, people will understand that he is not serious or that the meeting is not that important. But when a leader figures in time for extra delays and arrives early, people know that the leader believes the meeting is important.

• Value people’s time and life enough to keep your word and arrive early.

We are all needed.

• Every person has talent and gifts and everyone is needed.

• Do not think that you can do it all by yourself.

Excellence honors God.

• Everything that we do should be given our best. We should give our best because it is God’s work.
• A leader does not need to be pushed, there’s something inside of him that pushes him to strive for excellence.

• What would happen if in every ministry everyone strived for excellence because they realized it was for Jesus?

Admit you’re wrong and make headway.

• A leader should shoot straight as soon as he knows he messed up.
• When a leader shifts the blame, his credibility falls.
• When something goes wrong, everyone wants to see who is going to take the blame and the leader that accepts it will be respected in their eyes — that is the leader others will follow.
• I have failed… those are words of a trustworthy leader.

Lead at home.

• Show me a leader that can share his vision in a white-hot way but that has a wife that does not respect him and problems at home, and I will show you trouble that is waiting to happen.

• Leadership’s first test is the family, and until that test is past than no other test matters.

• You have to fight to make time for your family and keep that a priority… you must be a fighter in this area.

• No matter how good ministry is going, they will always need more time from you.
• You have to fight for time. Your family is important.
• Schedule time for your family every week. Take vacations. Set your priorities right.

• When it comes to your family the one who should be fighting is you.

Finish well.

• How you leave a place is how you will be remembered there.

• If you finish well, you will be remembered with admiration and respect.
• It is the nature of an organizations that people come and go but the key is finishing well. The question is not if one will eventually leave somewhere but if he/she will leave well.
• When you are the leader and someone else wants to leave, find out how you can help them finish well. Tell them the importance of finishing well and help them do so.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

by Amy Morin

 

Mentally strong people have healthy habits.

Bad habits are like unwanted weights, they will hold you down and frustrate you, not letting you move forward.

Developing your mental strength is about controlling your emotions, behaviors and thoughts.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves Self-pity is self-destructive.

People to focus on the problem and disability instead of what can be accomplished in life even though there was an accident, those are the ones that move forward. Dwelling on the disability will run you.

Do you stay home from social activities just to dwell on your own problems? Do you think no one can understand you and your problems? Do you think about how everyone else is blessed? Do you think that the world is out to get you?

Pity is easy to do and reactionary. Feeling sorry for yourself self-destructive. Quit feeling sorry for yourself

A. Do a random act of kindness

Think or do something for others, it’s hard to absorb Eddie when you are helping others.

B. Do something active.

If you choose to look at the negative side of it in any situation, it will bring self-pity. If you choose to find a Silverlining in any situation, you will become thankful. There is a silver lining in every situation.

C. Exchange self-pity into gratitude.

• Keep a gratitude journal. Write down all the little things.

• Say what you are grateful for.

• Ask others what they are grateful for. Asking others with their grateful for a spark areas in your mind for what you should be grateful for.

• Teach your children to be grateful.

Focus on your blessings are not on your burdens.

Focusing on your blessings mental health, it also improves your physical health. Gratitude leads to positive emotions. People who are grateful seem to be happier, get sick less and feel better.

Grateful people usually forgive people more than those that are negative

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

When we do not forget, you’re giving our power over to those who have hurt us. Giving other people power over how you feel thank behave takes away your mental strength.

Set healthy physical and emotional boundaries for yourself.

You have the power to choose your own direction in life.

You do not have to feel the sense of being the victim.

Who are you devoting all of your time and energy to, are they worth receiving it? When you think about someone, how big or two or make you angry, you are giving them Lord mental strength, power it emotions.

A. Get your mind off of what you’re thinking about when you’re upset.

B. Distract yourself by going on a walk or doing something else.

C. Rephrase the words that you use, did not say they made you mad or you have to do something.

D. Retain your opinion. When you are criticized someone put you down, remember who you are and do not let it change you. E. Remember where the source of criticism came from.

One persons opinion of you does not make it true. Was there any truth in what they said, anything that should be changed about you? What’s what they said based on a one-time experience when you did not perform the best? Harboring bitterness only steals from you and give the other person power.

Choosing to forgive will allow you to retain your power.

Medically, choosing to forgive let you live longer. Choosing to forgive her to recover quicker, heal faster.

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change A. All or nothing change.

B. Have it change – changing old habits or good habits. C. Behavioral change –

Change requires doing something different.

Shying away from change will not help anything. The longer we wait, the harder it gets. Create a list of why the change is needed and what it will do as a result.

Create a goal what you want to change the next 30 days.

I didn’t buy steps for the change and obstacles that stand in your wedding planning ahead will help you.

Keep yourself accountable by writing it down or sharing it with others.

Study of the behavior that you want to if you want to be more outgoing or more healthy., And study people about that.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

It feels good to have control of something, but we cannot control all things.

Trying to control everything cause you not to enjoy what you have around you.

Trying to control things as a cover-up for your anxiety but it will backfire.

Trying to control everything waste the time and the energy.

Being a control freak damages.

You cannot control every situation i’m not the only thing that you can control is your behavior and your attitude.

By focusing on what you can control instead of can’t control, you will worry less. Practice acceptance. You cannot control the traffic so you might as well enjoy Music instead of punching the steering wheel and yelling.

Even though you do not like the situation you are in, you can choose to accept it. Increased happiness happens when people realize I cannot control every aspect of their lives.

You will have less stress when you realize you cannot control every situation.

You up new opportunities when you quit trying to control everything.

You will have better relationships be able to trust others when you quit trying to control everything.

You will have more success when you quit trying to control everything. Research shows that when you’re so focused on success or any other area, you try to control it and never reach the success that you are aiming for.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

People pleasers usually damage relationships that you can’t please everyone. People pleasers usually lose sight of their values

Just because it pleases everyone does not make it right.

Worrying about what everyone else thinks it’s a waste of time. You cannot change what they think anyways so don’t waste time worrying about it.

You can’t please everyone – it is a possible that every person will be pleased with what you do.

People pleasers are often manipulated because people play on their emotions.

When Quit worrying about pleasing others who have more time and energy to direct towards the thing like it want.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

We all take face challenges in our lives (physical, emotional, mental, financial)., But unless we take those risks we will never be able to find out what can happen. A lack knowledge of how to calculate the risks leads to fear.

You don’t get to be extraordinary without taking risks.

If we don’t take risks, we are off to choosing between ordinary or extraordinary life.

Base your risks more on facts and not feelings.

What are the potential cost for this risk?

What are the potential benefits for this risk?

What is the worst case scenario oh if the risk went bad?

Taking calculated risks will give you insight in areas and teach you more.

Success will not find you, you have to pursue it.

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

You can’t change the past

When something bad happens, don’t keep replaying it in your mind. Staying stuck in the past is not healthy nor helpful.

Dwelling on the past will distract you from living and working in the present.

You’ll miss out on new opportunities and living things today if you’re dwelling on the past.

Dwelling on the past can lead to depression.

Going on the past can make you exaggerate of how things were perfect back then and are not as good now.

You can learn from the past so it just beating yourself up over the past.

Steps goals for the future. It is impossible to dwell on past if you’re making goals about future.

Decide to think about something else when you began falling on the past. Make peace with the past:

• Give yourself a mission to move forward.

• Recognize the toll of dwelling on the past versus living in the present.

• Practice forgiveness.

• Change activities so that you’re mine does not stay dwelling on the past.

If you spend all of the time looking in the rearview mirror, you will never be able to look out of the windshield.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

When we deny our mistakes, you’re more likely to repeat them in the future.

Would you make the same mistakes over and over about your tire yourself out nowhere

– just like a dog chasing its tail.

You’ll never be able to solve the problem if you continue repeating the problem over and over.

Identify clear strategies to avoid making the same mistake.

Create a plan to not repeat the mistakes.

Find a way to hold yourself accountable.

Practice self-discipline. It is not a matter if some out so I’ll just plan something not I’ll buy everyone does, it’s just a matter of practicing it. Learning from your mistakes will make you stronger.

Mentally strong people will share their mistakes with others so that they don’t make them.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Resentment is like drinking or bills another person – Nelson Mandela.

It’s easy to resent others when you don’t even know what what yourself. Resentment anytime just because your knees.

A resentment many times comes from a lack of understanding others. We think that their life is perfect or that they never have problems.

You will never enjoy what you have if you are always thinking about what others have.

You will never be satisfied because you’re always looking to what others up.

You will never grow up or get better yourself – when you’re always looking to others, you’re not focusing on what you have or what you’re doing therefore you cannot get better at it.

Never enjoy your relationship with others if you’re secretly holding grudges.

• Avoid comparing yourself to others.

• Get to know people – if you get to know someone, it is very likely that you will not think as bad about them.

• Quit magnifying other people Straits – resentment many times come from magnifying the strengths of others.

• Avoid deciding what is fair for you and everyone else

When you’re tempted to what other people success, remember your own definition of success.

Don’t compare yourself to everyone around you.

Learn to cooperate with others cannot compete with them.

If you focus on your own goals, you don’t have to worry about other people success.

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Although some people don’t give up with failure and that gives them the desire to keep going, maybe just give up.

Failure can be a wonderful experience if you will continue moving forward afterwards.

Those who give up after failing the first time ever accomplish much.

Grit is that better detector and IQ – your IQ does not mean you’ll be successful, grit usually does.

By thinking about what you can learn through the process, failure will only be part of the process and not devastating.

Failure is part of the process of success.

You can learn from failure, you can benefit from it and it will make you a better person.

Face your fear of failure.

If you get used to failing, it is not that scary, especially if you can do it over and over again and become better because of it.

Bouncing back after failure would make you successful.

Failure can build character as well as identify strengths that you would never found without the failure.

Don’t allow yourself to think that failure is worse than it really is.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

The thought of spending time alone scares people about they don’t want it.

Most have background music on, they never want to be alone, waste of time and feel it is unproductive.

People who feel like they must accomplish something all the time try to avoid alone time. Some people feel guilty about it. But alone time is needed.

Loneliness is a feeling that no one is with you, but solitude is a choice to be alone to think and reflect.

Solitude can increase productivity.

Spending alone time can spark creativity.

Solitude provides restoration.

Although it is not easy to stop and take time for yourself, there are great group questions for those who do not do it.

Stopping for time to walk, garden, etc. will actually help you not hurt you.

You must schedule solitude in a long time just like you to schedule other things.

Trying to fall asleep or drown yourself with background noise is not healthy.

Take time to stop and reflect on your goals or write in journal.

Turn off technology and take some some time by taking a date alone.

It is not healthy trying to be so busy that we only focus on productivity or what we accomplish. Taking time to journal is not a waste. Background music every moment is not healthy.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Thinking that you deserve things could be just as detrimental as that you are superior.

Overindulging parenting will hurt your child to grow up.

We live in a social media world tells us we deserve everything.

We often say that some someone has something better after we are trying to help them, but the world does not work that way. The world owes us nothing. Everyone in this world has problems, you’re not the only one.

You’re different from everyone else, but that does not make you better or more deserving than everyone else.

Although you cannot control all the situations, you can control your feelings and reactions.

Focus on your efforts and set up your importance.

Become a team player, see how you can make other people better instead of thinking about yourself.

Acknowledge your flaws and weaknesses, everyone has them. Do not have a inflated self perception.

Learn to receive correction and criticism in the right way, that will make people like or dislike you.

Practice humility often.

When you quit trying to show off, you can improve your job performance.

Accept what the world get you without complaining that you deserve or want something better.

Give back to others in need.

Quit taking only your own feelings and perspectives.

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

We must have an understanding that success does not happen overnight.

Mentally strong people realize that it takes time, I think it’s instant.

One in 10 Americans take anti-depression pills at any start taking them before they are medically prescribed.

we live in a world that we have everything now – you don’t have to wait for a letter to arrive because you can send email, you don’t have to watch commercials because we have movies on demand, order online, etc.

Personal changes and people to not move as fast as technology.

Unrealistic expectations for it’s a change will only set you up to fail.

We give up on our goals wait to seven. We start to exercise and see no change so we quit, but the body is working up to a progress of change. Most quit New Year’s resolutions wait too soon.

Wanting fast change anytime causes people to do illegal things: steroids, cheating, lying, etc.

When you want the cake to bake faster, you open up the oven door but as a result that he goes out. And when you are in a hurry in life, you’re rushing things that you lose momentum.

Commit for the long haul.

Create realistic expectations.

Recognize that progress is not always obvious.

Do you know if restorations of the healthy manner – some days you feel like giving up.

Keep your eye on the end goal in mind.

Delay self gratification.

If you want to change the way you feel, you have to change the way you think.

“Go ye” Means You

by Norman Lewis

•God could have sent angels to evangelize the world. But He did not. He might have broadcast the message from heaven. But He did not. He might have utilized a heavenly TV. But He did not. God chose to send men, men saved from sin, to win other sinners.

•Every Christian must fit into God’s plan or miss life‘s meaning.

•Matthew 28:19–20 uses the word “teach” and “teaching.”  “Teach” deals with evangelization and “teaching” deals with edification.

On with the message, on with the light.

On to the regions still shrouded in night,

On to the nations that never have heard,

On with the life-giving, soul-saving Word.

•It is wonderful to work for God. It is even better to know we are working with God in the task of His choice.

•Christians should be identified with both the person and purpose of Christ.

Up From Slavery

By Booker T. Washington

Being of his Race was Better than having all Served to Him

He realized that he could do more because of his upbringing than those who were raised having all served to them.

He did not have a store hat like the other boys rather a home made hat – but he realized later that many of those who had a store bought hat were later in prison and he was still doing right.

He had Caracter

When saw something thrown down, wanted to pick it up

Kept his “only” clothes clean and nice

He would rather do the work than talk about it in speeches

Made his Library

Took a simple box and used it as his first shelf and began placing his books there.

Valued the books he had

His Attitude Took Him Forward

Was not bitter because of his upbringing, race, or how was treated

Did not complain about food he had to eat, hard work, how was treated, etc

His attitude took him far in life – as ours will

He Wanted to Learn with All he had in Him

He learned not only from books rather from studying men

He learned in every area of life

He learned from everybody (even when they treated him harshly) and always strived to do his best

Every obstacle was an opportunity to learn from and do better in life as a result

No Obstacle Prevented Him

He said that he could do as well as anyone if he only had the chance

Hard work, race, etc never was too big of an obstacle for him.

He went forward because he did not allow the obstacles to stop him.

He Worked so Well that he Could not be Replaced

His thought was to work so hard that no one could replace him

He did not do a half job – even though no one was watching him

He later was promoted in many areas because of his principle to be replaced.

His Principle was that Those that are the Happiest are Those that Work with Others

It did not bother him that he worked for someone, frankly it made him happy

It was apparent in his life that he did not want to be the one in charge, he was content working for others

He was happy in assisting others

He Understood the Value and use of the Bible

He said that he tried to read one chapter a day of the Bible

He knew Bible stories and it is obvious that many of his principles were Bible principles.

I Owe what I have to …

He was grateful to others and named people who tuaght him

He recognized and gave credit to others

Did not Quit when Reduced to a Lower Position

When he was reduced to a lower position, he did not quit, rather determined to know “how” and was soon replaced to his position

He never quit – over and over he continued and always advanced because of this attitude and dedication

He wanted to Teach them More than Book Learning – he wanted to Teach them “How to Do”

How to do certain things instead of mere books alone.

While some had book knowledge, many did no know the “how to do” of life.

So that they could return to their homes and teach the other people where they came from.

Saw a Sweet Spirit in his Wife and not Only Looks

He did not marry because his wife was pretty, although I’m sure he was, but because of the character of his wife.

He talks more about the love his wife had for the people and her work rather than how she was a “knock-out” when he met her.

He said she was devoted to the work of the school and completely one with him in both thought and ambition

Because of both him and his wife having high character and love, they made a great team and went forward in life.

Taught his People to Love Others

His students gave food, coats, etc to others

The students began to love others – both white people and colored

He Wanted the Students to Build

Others thought it was a bad idea, but that did not discourage him

Later the students loved and protected “their” building because they were the ones who built it

They failed in how to make bricks, but he sold of his own possesion to continue although others were against it again, but later they became very good in brick making

Later his students left and became very professional in making bricks and building – they now supply neighbors and others with their supplies.

The Individual who can Do something that the World wants Done, will Make his Way in the End Regardless of his Race

His students became successful for what they learned

It became known that anyone that went to his school would learn how to do work – the value of industrial education

Order can be Brought out of Caos

If you stick to it, order can be brought out of caos

He said he was glad that he started out in a basement, on a foundation made by them instead of having everything already done.

He said they were glad that they started off like they did and grew little by little the way they did

When he Arrived to Tuskegee he Decided to Stay

He did not talk bad about the place – even when away from it

He decided he would like it and stand up for it

Praise Rather than Complain would do More

He found out that if he would praise others instead of find the negative areas in them, he could get more done.

He found the good in others

Dangerous Calling

By Paul Tripp

 

We get too comfortable where we are, we become apathetic, we minister to people but yet do not seek to be ministered to… therefore we are in a dangerous area in life and ministry.

Most pastors are angry, have marriage problems, have personal struggles and a much more.

Although we can see other people’s problems, we become blind to our own.

Our ministries are fueled by our personal devotion to the Lord.

It is my worship that can lead to other people worshiping. It is my sense of need to my Savior that can lead other people to fill their sense of need for the Savior. It is my joy and identity in Christ that can help others find theirs.

If I am not looking for joy in the Gospel, I will try to fill it in another gospel.

If my relationship is not right vertically, I will start seeking out things that can fill me horizontally.

We must look to God. We must listen to others. We must ignore the urge to isolate ourselves.

Having fantasies of doing something else or working in another ministry will lead to discontentment and bring on very big problems.

Just as a man who takes care of roses but never takes the time to enjoy them, so is a person that is so busy in the ministry but never stops and enjoys what is around him – how God is blessing, the good things going on.

We are fooled when we think that spiritual maturity is simply knowing more… It is actually applying more, not just knowing more.

Because of our vast knowledge of the Word, we go to her desk to get new sermons, but few times do we open it to really learn.

Knowing so much Scripture brings us to a knowledge/understanding, but very few times brings us to our knees.

Self-righteous people tend to be critical.

Our knowledge makes us think so much that we preach all these rules for people… but if it’s about rules, then Jesus came, died and rose again in vain.

We must not judge ourselves or any pastor in the ministry by the exterior, we must dig deep and find out if he pastors his own home, how his walk with the Lord is, if he is critical and judgmental, if he is loving, etc.

Be careful how we define successful ministry – if we think that a graduate with multiple diplomas will be successful, we could be totally wrong.

Maturity is about a relationship with God.

Sin blinds 10 out of 10 people.

Spiritual blindness is different than physical blindness – spiritual blindness tricks the person by thinking he/she can really see.

Spiritual blindness is so deceptive that we literally need daily intervention. We must establish relationships that can confront us. Be open and except criticism.

A pastor’s wife needs help, mentoring and accountability as well.

Do not let the busyness of ministry cause your marriage to fail.

You should come to the point where you know that you need other people in your life.

You cannot think that your life is fine just because ministry appears good. You cannot be deceived that marriage is well just because your ministry looks good.

It is very hard for a pastor to stay accountable and admit when he is wrong or in sin.

Many that have opened up and admitted struggles or sin failure have been hurt and decide to never open up or tell people their problems again. Most pastors live in isolation and silence, thinking this is the most secure and best way – but this is false!

Why are there so many pastors who struggle in their families? Why are there so many pastors that have problems with other staff members? Why is there so much depression amongst pastors? Why are there so many difficulties in the lives of ministers? The problems are personal; it is a war in the heart.

Problems are so great because there is a war in the heart – pride, wanting to be something, wanting to see results and desiring to measure up.

We preach to so many other people and many times forget to preach to our own selves.

We must fight to keep the gospel first.

So, in the war, are we good soldiers?

We are made to worship, but we must remember that worship is not an activity rather an identity.

What do our words and actions reveal that our priorities are?

God is our refuge and strength – but many pastors run to substance, sex, activities, friends, and other things instead of running to God when they have problems.

There’s a great danger of losing the awe and forgetting what God has done. If you can’t get your excitement back, maybe you are doing what you should not be doing.

Are we so busy feeding others that we don’t have time to feed ourselves? We cannot lead others to do what we ourselves are not doing.

We must be careful that our Christianity does not become a system of what we do instead of a relationship.

I will never measure up; Christ never saved me because of who I am or what I can do. I must remember to look and depend on Christ.

We have to learn to not look for other people’s approval, we minister to serve our Savior.

We must put ourselves under Biblical council. Sadly most pastors do not have a pastor, meaning that no one tells them when they are wrong, calls them out when prideful, helps them grow, etc.

Finding your Element

By Ken Robinson and Lou Aronica

 

Do you know where your element is? Do you know how to find it?

Being in your element into you love what you do, not just that you’re good at it.

What are you good at?

What do you enjoy doing?

What are you passionate about?

Happiness is a feeling, or genetic.

Attitude the allowing you to find or not find your element.

Here to Serve,

Jeffrey Bush