Category: Book Reviews

Fall in Love, Stay in Love

by Willard Harley, Jr

– Most couples get married because they are in love, but what happens when you fall out of love? If you are going to stay in love with your spouse, you have to deliberately do things to keep the love growing between you.

– In marriage, you can be your spouse’s greatest source of pleasure or greatest source of pain.

– How is it that a man who is so busy at his job and never has time for his family makes time to have an affair when he didn’t even have time for his own family? The problem is not his lack of time but wrong priorities.

– We all want to keep secrets or not reveal truth about our weaknesses, but secrets will only break up our marriage.

– Even if there was hidden things in the past, your lack of honesty will crumble your marriage.

– An annoying habit is a behavior without thought. Be thoughtful to what your spouse likes or dislikes.

– You need a policy of radical honesty in your marriage.

– Honesty is not disrespect, demands or angry outbursts.

– Whatever thing you have to say when you are angry is best kept unsaid – don’t call that honesty.

– Eliminate any love busters that have crept into your marriage.

– Tell your spouse what things hurt, belittle and offend you. Get things out and lovingly fix them.

– Reciprocity is essential for a good marriage — you can’t just be a taker.

– Can you see the give/take attitude in yourself as much as you can see it in your spouse?

– Use your intelligence to make decisions instead of using your emotional reactions.

– Every decision in marriage affects both spouses, so consideration should be taken before making big decisions.

– When there is a difference between your friends and family and your spouse, you should always take your spouse’s side.

– Unless you make intentional time for your spouse every week, you cannot expect a good relationship with your spouse. Schedule the time together, be away from your children and family and offer your undivided attention.

Failing Forward

by John Maxwell

 

– What makes a person successful? It is not the family that they come from or the money they have. Success is not from a grade or an ability, success comes from the perception and reaction to failure in life.

– Just as poverty is more common than wealth and problems are more common than victories, so failure is much more common than success.

– The question is not if you will have problems but how you are going to deal with the problems. So decide you will fail forward and not backwards.

– The first step into failing forward is to realize that there is one main difference between average people and achieving people, how they fail.

– Failure is unavoidable, it’s going to happen in life, but failure does not have to be final. You do not have to give up or quit when you fail.

– Failure is simply the price we pay to achieve success.

– Achievers reject rejection.

– Achievers see failure as temporary. Failures are isolated incidents, they’re not what life is made of.

– Winners focus on what they can do, not what they cannot do.

– Achievers bounce back. Life is made of outcomes, sometimes good and sometimes bad. When things go right check it out to continue the pattern; when things go wrong, figure out how to change it.

– Don’t take failure personally. No matter how many times you fail, it does not have to make you a failure.

– You cannot avoid fear, but in order to conquer fear you have to recognize the feeling yet still take action.

– If you always do what you’ve always done then you always get what you always got – you have to learn from failure to change things.

– Every failure you make is a fork in the road where either you change and go forward or you stop and give up.

– Don’t give up, cover-up or back up, learn and fail forward.

– Change your response to failure by accepting responsibility.

– You do not have to let failure from the outside inside of you.

– Past failures can make you better or bitter but the choice is yours.

– Allow failures to be breakthroughs not breakups.

– To change your world you must first change yourself.

– Learn to give more than take. Giving is the highest form of living. Get over yourself and learn to help others.

– The more you fail, the greater the chances are that you succeed. Most people do not want to fail because after all, no one wants to look bad.

– Regret for the things that we did will diminish, but regret for the things that we did not do stay with us (in regards to attempting to succeed).

– If you wait for the perfect time, it will never come. Do not wait to be inspired, just do something now. The difference between a professional writer and an amateur writer is that an amateur writer waits until he is inspired to write while a professional writer just begins to write and later becomes inspired.

– Failure is either your friend or your enemy, only you decide. Failure can be your greatest friend if you will learn from it.

– Your attitude towards failure will determine the altitude you go after failure.

– Teachability is the attitude that says no matter how good, bad or hard the situation, I can learn something from it. There’s always a jewel of success in every situation.

– There are two ways to learn: experience, which is gained by what you have learned; and wisdom, which is gained by what others have learned. We will not live long enough to gain all the experience, so be wise and learn from others.

– Learning is defined in a change of behavior.

 

– Here are some reasons why people fail although they can be avoided:

1. Poor People skills – If you have not learned how to get along with others, you will always be fighting a battle.

2. A Negative Attitude – If your circumstances are always bad, maybe it’s a time for change… Love your attitude, not your surroundings.

3. A Bad Fit – If you hate what you’re doing you feel like you’re not made for it, it may be time to change what you’re doing.

4. Lack of Focus – Maybe your priorities are out of wack.

5. Week Commitment – without commitment, you cannot accomplish anything of value.

6. Unwilling to Change – A very big problem for many people is their lack of flexibility. You do not have to like change, but you do have to be willing to accept change.

7. Relying on Talent Alone – Talent is good but it is not enough.

8. Acting on Limited information – not having enough information or the wrong information will cripple you.

 

– To avoid a lot of failure, take the following steps:

1. Hang around the right people – people can encourage or discourage you, hurt or help you so hang around those that will help you.

2. Eliminate the excuses – we can find an excuse for anything, but bite the bullet and keep trying.

– He that makes no mistakes never makes anything.

– Failure is milestone on the journey to success.

– Get up, get over it and move forward.

Expositional Preaching

by Various Authors

 

– Bring out of Scripture only what is there, not what is not there

– Expositional preaching is to humble the sinner, honor the Savior and promote holiness in the life of the saints

– Contextualization is important to expositional preaching. But expose before you contextualize.

– The Biblical text is the relevant truth needed for the people.

– We can both get the text right and get it across to the people, we do not have to choose one or the other.

– If you want to be a good expositor, first think of what the original writer was meaning and saying when he wrote it.

– Give the Biblical context control.

– Listen to the unique things said in the passage, the melodic line in the passage.

– Repeated words and phrases.

– The more time you spend in the text, the more you will understand how it works.

– The sermon is not just a compilation of the facts that you gathered from the passage.

– How does the passage relate to the Bible as a whole and the redemption of Christ?

– Every text has a road to Christ.

– The historical fact in the Bible cannot be the only thing taken from the text.

– The makeup of your audience, the arrangements of your material and the application of your message.

– We can’t forget about our audience, but we can’t cater to our audience to the point we veer from the truth .

– Do you love the Lord? Then feed His sheep. Learn to love people.

– Pray in advance to our preaching, pray in the midst of our preaching and pray even after our preaching.

– We need clarity in our preaching. The people we engage are not as enthusiastic about the details and passage as the preacher, so make sure the point, takeaway and application is clear.

– State in a single sentence what the author wants and what you are asking, your aim.

– Bring out of Scripture what is there, do not thrust in what you want to be there.

– We are not looking to add to the mind to the listeners, we are aiming for the heart of the listeners.

– Acts 17:30 Paul asked for repentance from his listeners. We should know what we want from the listeners.

– We should be contextually aware but textually driven, not the other way around.

Everybody Wins

by Gary Chapman

 

– When you win an argument, your spouse loses, and no one enjoys being a loser.

– What does an argument accomplish? Yes, it can point out a complaint, but it only makes the relationship worse.

– When you argue, one of three conclusions will happen:

1. You win and your spouse loses.

2. You lose and your spouse wins.

3. You come to a draw, meaning you are both losers and one walks away thinking the other is right.

 

– You can resolve conflicts without having an argument.

– Conflicts are inevitable in marriage. The goal is not to get rid of conflicts, but to learn to resolve conflicts.

– We argue because we are rigid, believing we know the best way to do things and that there’s no other way. – Spouses that look for a way to resolve the conflict instead of argue the conflict have a win-win attitude; they look for the best results for both of them.

– Selfishness is the opposite of love. Seeking to resolve a conflict means you are not going to be selfish rather love the other person.

– Respect your spouse as a person.

– Conflicts are inevitable, but if a couple loves each other they can learn to attack the problem together instead of attacking each other.

– By nature we are all self-centered and that self-centeredness brings on arguments; thinking that your way is the only way and the right way. To solve conflicts, you need love, respect and togetherness.

– Conflict resolution requires empathetic listening.

– We are responders by nature, so we need to practice and remind ourselves to be good listeners.

– When you put everything aside and give your spouse your undivided attention, you are transmitting to your spouse that they are important to you.

– Empathetic listening means to give your spouse undivided attention. If you only give your spouse a portion of your attention (multitasking while they’re talking) you’re communicating that they’re not the most important to you, yet one of the many things.

– Empathetic listening means that you do not respond before your spouse finishes. Hear your spouse out, do not interrupt him/her in the middle of their talk.

– Understanding requires 4 things:

1. Understand what your spouse is really saying, not what you think he/she is saying.

2. Hear your spouse’s feelings. If you listen, you will find out how they really feel.

3. Discover what is truly important to your spouse and why.

4. Determine how strong your spouse feels about their perspective. Use a 1 to 10 scale and you will more easily find out how they feel.

– Empathetic listening is the opposite of asserting your own opinion.

– Love is an attitude, not a feeling. Those who only love when they feel like it will not love when the feeling is not present.

– Marriage is a continual process, always grow in your marriage. Read books, listen to audiobooks, attend seminars and do as much as you can to always be growing in your marriage.

– Almost no couple enjoys arguing, but many couples argue on a regular basis.

– Conflicts are inevitable, but arguments are optional (a very unhealthy option).

– When you win an argument, your spouse is a loser… and no one enjoys living with a loser.

– Arguments do not win conflicts, they only intensify them.

Equipping 101

By John Maxwell

 

– Lone heroes are usually a myth. It almost always takes others.

– Individuals win games, but teams win championships.

– Equip the right people because those closest to the leader will determine the success of the leader.

– Do you have a plan for those working closest to you – do they know the goals, do they see the plan, are they growing?

– Most leaders do not develop other leaders because either they lack the training or they have the wrong attitude.

– Equipping people expands and enhances the strength of an organization.

– The more people you lead, the more people you will need.

– Great leaders are on the lookout for normal people that they can teach and help become better people.

– Great leaders can identify perspective leaders.

– As in any sport, you have to scout out effective players.

– Qualities to look for in a perspective leader:

1. Character – we all have weaknesses but character will overcome those by his honesty, responsibility, etc.

2. Influence

3. Positive Attitude – someone who doesn’t just accept things how they are but sees the potential in every situation.

4. People Skills – understand people and have a genuine concern for them.

5. Evident Gifts – every person has gifts and a leader can help find and develop those.

6. Proven track records – a proven leader has a proven track record.

7. Confidence – people are attracted to those who have confidence, starting with confidence in themselves. The greatest leaders remain confident no matter the circumstances.

8. Self-discipline – to do what is needed for as long as needed. We live in a instant gratification world where everyone wants everything now. Discipline with their own emotions as well as with the time that they have been allotted.

9. Effective Communication Skills – without these skills a leader cannot communicate effectively to others what needs to be done and hence the organization and everyone will be affected. A poor communicator focuses on themselves but good communicators focus on others. Good communicators can read body language.

10. Discontentment with the Status Quo – a leader does not accept what everyone says or what is going on, they constantly move forward for better performance. Taking the safe road will not get you fired, but it will not help you advance very far either. We need risk takers willing to make changes where necessary.

– Equipping is not done by video and it’s not the same for every person, it is tailored for each individual.

– Equipping is showing the vision, giving the tools and helping them see it through.

– The equipper is someone from whom you can help draw experience. The equipper is a mentor. The equipper is an empower-er.

– Set goals for your people, they will become like a roadmap to help them on their journey.

– Equipping someone:

• Model it.

• Mentor

• Monitor

• Motivate – step out of the way encourage them.

• Multiply – step back and let the leaders find it help of the leaders.

– Look for gifts, talents and abilities of other people and then help them use those to their full potential.

– If you want to be a leader that will help others grow, do the following:

1. Believe in them before they believe in themselves.

2. Serve others before they serve you. One the best things that you can do for others is help them reach their full potential.

3. Add value to others before they add value to you.

Do More Better

by Tim Challies

 

Productivity is using your gifts, time, enthusiasm and energy for the good of others and God’s glory. There are productivity thieves:

1. Laziness – Pr 26:13–14; 22:13

– Laziness surrounds us all over. Checking out Facebook instead of working, texting, watching the latest TV show, etc.

– We are naturally lazy. The bill does not need to be paid today, that essay/ assignment can wait a little while longer, that cleaning up is not needed at the moment, etc.

2. Busyness – It’s the opposite of laziness, it is doing too much instead of two little.

– Our society ranks us according to our busyness, so many times we stay busy so that we look good… even though we complain about it.

– Busyness should not represent value. Busyness does not mean that you are faithful or fruitful.

– Busyness might make you feel better, but it does not mean that you are being more productive. Dizziness many times just means you are doing too many things.

3. Thorns and thistles –

– Originally things were easier but sin, our disobedience, made the ground hard and thorns to grow. They represent things that threaten productivity. God rewards those who faithfully steward what He has entrusted to them. Categorize your areas of responsibility: personal, family, church, social, and business. Define the mission that God has given you. Breakdown your responsibilities that God has entrusted you with. If your goal is to glorify God, then you are most productive with what God has given you when you are right with God.

Write down a mission statement of your roles and responsibilities. Write down what you are currently doing and see if those things lined up with what you are supposed to be doing. If you will use the adequate tools like to-do lists and reminders, you will not have to worry about laying in bed stressing that you forgot to do something. When you receive a message or task, act on it right away. Delete it, store it, do it or delegate it, but act on it immediately. Do the hardest tasks first. Know yourself well enough to know when you work best – are you a morning person, night owl or afternoon person?

During the times that you are not at your peak, plan to do minimal things. If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.

Pray – it acknowledges that God is over all of our plans and reminds us that we need His help to make wise decisions.

Prioritize – there are always interruptions You need times when you can get current by emptying your inbox folder. You need times to look over your calendar for the month. You need time to pray over the activities for the week ahead of time and plan on what needs to be done. Break the giant tasks into smaller tasks. For example, if you put “write a novel”, you will not likely get it done nor be able to track it, so break it down into several smaller tasks.

Stop multitasking – multitasking almost never works. Begin to do something and continue until it is completed. Learn to delegate – spend time on what is most important. What you do poorly, someone else may do well.

Change up the scenery. Sometimes you need to get up and move or go somewhere else to start again in a fresh way.

Track your time – give yourself an allotted time to do something and then move on. Do not leave your email open – check it at certain times, do not just leave it open and continue going back to it. It will distract you. Plan to rest.

Turn off notifications – You do not need to look every time someone sends an email, updates their Facebook page, etc.

Write it down – If you don’t write it down, you will probably forget it.

Schedule breaks – do you need time to get up and exercise, go to the bathroom, walk around or clear your mind. This will help you to return and start fresh again.

Exercise – sometimes the best thing you can do for productivity is to stop and not focus so much on being productive. Exercise and then finish what you need to finish. Productivity is about all of life. It takes all of your body and your mind, so take care of both.

Disciplines of a Godly Man

by R. Kent Hughes

– We will never get anywhere in life without discipline.

– If we are going to excel, we must strip ourselves of so many things that hold us back. – I Cor 9:25-27

 

– Disciplines of purity – as men of God we are to discipline ourselves from the sensual call of this world.

• I Thes 4:3-8 (Lev 19:2) – Disciplines of accountability, we need someone of the same gender who will keep us accountable when it comes to sensuality.

• Eyes – it is impossible for us to get away from sensuality or keep pure if we let our eyes run free.

• It takes a strong man to die.

• Purity in marriage – pray for your wife. She needs you to be a man of God.

• Is my wife a better person because she is married to me?

• We must be disciplined to commitment to our wives. The feelings of love will pass but our wives should know that our eyes, passion, communication and fidelity is all for her.

• Calendar reveals what is important to you, so make time for your wife in your calendar.

 

– Disciplines of fatherhood  – our children need us. Do not be too harsh, do not be too strict, express your love, be there for them and do not have favorites.

 

– Disciplines of Friendships – we need others, we are relational beings.

• Your wife should be your best friend but you also need others of the same gender to help, challenge and keep you accountable.

• Friendship does not exist unless there is loyalty, commitment and trust.

• Friendship is what’s the best for the other person.

 

– Discipline of prayer – we talk a lot about prayer but many times do not pray.

• Prayer could be compared to a man who arrives to the shore in a boat – does he pull the shore to himself or himself to the shore? Prayer is not pulling our desires to God but pulling ourselves to God and submitting our desires to Him.

• We will never have a prayer life unless we plan it. We must be disciplined enough to pray and make time for it.

– There’s no spiritual leadership without passion of discipline.

– Spiritual leaders are made of strong faith. –

There’s no spiritual leadership apart from the fullness of the Spirit.

– Leaders must not just have a vision or dream (given from God), they must also know how to communicate it.

– Good leaders lead by demonstration.

 

– Disciplines of giving – some of the richest people in the world have died in misery, suicide, family disasters or bankruptcy. Yet people still do not take heed and chase after money as if it will give happiness.

• Giving is a matter of Grace from beginning to end.

• Giving should be viewed as a privilege, not drudgery.

• Grace giving has nothing to do with the ability, it has to do with willingness.

• You can give your money and not have your heart right towards God but you cannot have your heart right towards God and not give your money. Matthew 6:21

• You’re giving should be between you and God.

• You’re giving should be taken serious.

• You’re giving should be regular. I Cor. 16:2

• Giving does not make you a better Christian, but it does bring blessings. Luke 6:38

• You should give now. The tendency is to wait until we have a certain amount, but we should start giving right now.

• You’re giving should be joyous – 2 Corinthians 9:7

 

– Discipline of testifying witnessing – Andrew, the apostle, was not prominent in the Scriptures. He was not one of the three in the inner circle and did not preach a message worth noting in the Bible. But he did excel in one very important area, Andrew brought others to Christ.

• The true evangelist heart is a selfless heart. Andrew was known as Simon Peter’s brother, not vice versa.

• The true evangelist heart is an optimistic heart. Our attitude makes all the difference in bringing others to Christ. Are we optimistic and believing what Christ can do when we talk to others about him?

• Andrew was an ordinary guy. He did not have the personality of Peter or the boldness of Paul, but Andrew brought others to Christ. All over the world there are churches named Saint Andrews. Big organizations have used operation Andrew as a name to tell others about Christ. Andrew was an excellent example of sharing Christ with others.

 

– Disciplines of ministry – ministry is working with people.

Jesus was tired, hungry and traveling, yet He took time for the Samaritan woman.