Category: Book Reviews

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts

by Les and Leslie Parrott

 

– We sometimes say until death do us part, but with so many divorces and struggles in marriage, we should really say until divorce do us part.

– If we spend as much time planning our marriage as we do planning our wedding, things may be different. The lack of planning in a marriage has stunted many marriages.

– There are myths in marriage.

1. We expect the same expectations after marriage that we had before marriage. Before someone gets married they want to do everything together and spend every waking moment together, believing that’s how their marriage always will be but that is not the case.

2. Everything in life and marriage will only get better. Things do not just magically get better, you have to work through them. The person you are married to is not perfect it might not be how you imagined, so you have to work through things.

3. Everything bad will just disappear – Cinderella story mindset. Many people marry to avoid or escape from unpleasant situations. Most everyone gets married to improve their well-being but both individuals of the same thought episode (want to escape or avoid home situation) leads to frustration. Marriage in one way is just a way of living, we do not expect to have a rosy life outside of marriage so why should we when we get married.

4. My spouse will make me whole These are the people that believe they will be nourished and made whole by being married. They want to be nourished instead of nourishing. – Love without intimacy is just an illusion.

– Each individual has their own idea of what love is and the wise spouse will figure out the definition of their spouse’s love to be able to fulfill it.

– The most powerful sex organ that you have is your brain.

– Lifelong love does not happen by chance, it’s something that must be worked out by two individuals working together.

– Three practices that meaningful marriages practice to have lifelong love:

1. Practice meaningful touch. This is the language of passion. Successful marriages are diligent to practice meaningful touch.

2. Complement your spouse daily. Complements feel good, both to give and to receive.

3. Continue dating Love does not sustain itself, it takes time and effort. Schedule lunches together or special time together.

– Not listening to your spouse or your marriage. We have a habit of not letting them finish their idea or jumping to conclusions. Love is cultivated. Listen not just to the story they’re sharing but to the feelings that come along with what they’re saying.

– Unconditionally accept. Your spouse should not have to walk on egg shells thinking that if they do not do something exactly how you like it there will be a blowup or they’ll not be loved.

– Focus on what you have in common instead of the differences. Instead of thinking or stating that you like sweets and they like salty, talk about how you are both involved in a specific area, both enjoy a specific hobby, etc.

– After three doctors studied over 6,000 marriages and 3,000 divorce, they concluded that when a couple has determination to get through something, they almost always do. Commitment is the mortar that holds them together.

– Happiness in marriage has nothing to do with luck and everything to do with will.

– Life always has un-forseen circumstances that will come your way, and as a couple you have to determine that no matter what, you will get through them.

– Blaming your spouse for things just takes the responsibility off of yourself and will not solve any problems.

– Marriage was never meant to make you happy, you are supposed to make your marriage happy.

– Couples report that the number one problem in their marriage is the breakdown of communication. Whether you sync or swim in your marriage will depend on your communication skills.

– It is so important to learn how to communicate so that your spouse will listen and how to listen so that your spouse can communicate.

– Nonverbal communication consists of 58% of the communication. The tone in which you say it consists of 35% and only 7% consists of the words that you say.

– The best way to know how your spouse feels is to put yourself in their shoes. That is empathy and will help you understand them.

– The communication skills can be narrowed down to six tools:

1. Make “I” statements, not “you” statements.

2. Practice reflective listening.

3. Understand and accept the differences between men and women.

4. Apologize when necessary.

5. Power down and get off line.

6. Communicate through touch.

– Communication is not what you say but what your partner understands what you said.

 

– Conflict is inevitable in a relationship, but we have to learn to fight in a fair way. 

1. Do not run from strife. Avoiding it or not talking about it will not solve the problem. We have to talk about it.

2. Choose your battles carefully. Although love may be blind, marriage is like a magnifying glass. Couples cannot decide on what movie to watch, what to eat, where to go, etc. Learn what can and should be changed as well as learning what should be overlooked. So before you gripe about something, ask yourself if it is worth starting a fight over. Some things are gender issues, some things should be overlooked and something should really be changed.

3. Define the issue clearly. Before you fight, make sure you are clear about what you’re fighting about – is the argument really about something that happened yesterday or is this a real issue?

4. State your feelings directly. Do not be general, tell your spouse your exact feelings and why.

– It is not so important how you started the argument as it is important how you exit the argument. Learn to defuse the argument instead of keeping it going.

– A couple that prays together will almost always get through problems and have a better marriage.

– While praying with each other is important in marriage, praying for each other is just as important. 

Relationships 101

by John Maxwell

 

– Relationships are the glue that hold teams together

– You will be involved with others in almost every stage & area of life, the question is how successful will you be in the involvement.

– Relationships begin with respect.

– Find common ground to have relationships.

– You must have trust to continue in a relationship.

– Becoming relational will bring you success both individually and corporally (as a team).

– Understanding one another is very important in relationships.

– The least important word in relationship is “I” and the most important word is “you”.

– Learn to say “thank you” and “I am sorry”. Learn to ask what their opinion is. Don’t forget to tell them they did a good job. Try to understand them.

– Different people need encouragement in different ways and the failure to understand this will be the failure to relate and help people.

– People know everyone wants to be somebody with their life. If you treat people as if they are important, they will understand that you believe in them and see them as somebody important.

– Everybody can be somebody when you will simply believe in them and do small gestures to show that.

– Have faith in people even before they have ever accomplished anything.

– Believe in others: Believe in them before they succeed. Emphasize their strengths. Focus on their strengths. Tell them how you appreciate their strengths both privately and publicly. List their past successes. Help them remember their past successes, that will help them have confidence in their own-selves.Instill confidence when they fail. What people fail, they can either give in or go on. Many are not strong enough to keep going, so you can help them. Tell them about your own failures and mess-ups, and how you overcame them. Experience some wins together. Much of winning is motivation. Vision casting. Cast of vision for others give them hope. Expect a new level of living.

– Learn to listen:

• Listen shows respect.

• The ears of a leader should ring with the voices of his people.

• Be impressive by listening, don’t try to be impressive by talking.

• Listening well gains you both friends and respect.

• You can learn about people when you will just listen.

• All great learners are great listeners.

• A problem with many leaders is that they will listen less and less as they get more authority. They forget how to listen.

• A deaf ear is a sign of a closed mind.

• When you quit listening, people will find someone else who will listen to them.

– Commit yourself to confidentiality and respectability. Be trustworthy with the information when people talk to you. – You have to love your people and lead them at the same time.

– Put others ahead of your own needs.

– Just about anyone will serve others when they have to, but very few will initiate serving others.

– Make it your goal to move through the crowd and find people’s wants and needs. Then go home and make a list of how you can help those people.

Radicals and Visionaries

by Thaddeus Wawro

 

This book was interesting to me because it gave short biographies of men and women that were successful. With many, the odds against them and their ideas were not accepted. They did not necessarily have the money or contacts, but they had a dream and made it happen. I believe this book can be useful applying to starting a church and team on the mission field. Don’t be afraid to try new things or to launch out believing something may be a good idea or may work… you’ll never know if you don’t try.

 

– Pretend that every person you meet in life has a sign around them that says make me feel important – this will not only help in business, but also in life.

– Sell your products at a reasonable price and your customers will always come back.

– Satisfied customers will always give you more customers.

– One of the true qualities of a good entrepreneur is the ability to see opportunities that others do not see and take a risk.

– If you go around asking a lot of full of questions and writing them down, you will likely succeed.

– Spend less time talking about what you do well it more time on improving what you don’t do as well.

– Give extra courtesy to people and treat your own people well.

– Treat the community right.

– Treat your shareholders right and they will treat you right.

– Aim to do something better than everyone else.

– You fail if you do not try.

– Success is often achieved by those who do not know failure.

– You don’t have to be a visionary, genius or even college graduate to be successful, you just need to have a dream.

– If you can dream it, you can do it – Walt Disney

– Good taste is good business.

– Most successful people do not accept the status quo.

– Give them quality, that is the best advertisement in all the world

– Learn to bounce back after failure.

– Commit to not giving up.

– Get your start by getting started.

– There is only one boss and that is the customer; you can fire everyone from the chairman on down – Sam Walton.

– Use technology and keep up-to-date with things.

– A firm, unshakable belief in what they were doing is needed.

– A stubbornness to move forward even when people do not agree or do not understand.

– You have to struggle in order to get what you are aiming for and many people quit at time of struggles.

– Don’t measure your success in how much money you make but by how good your product is.

– Treat your employees right:

• Share your profit with your employees.

• Show sensitivity to your employees needs.

• Let both managers and employees make decisions. Give your employees benefits they can’t get anywhere else.

• Win the respect and trust from your employees.

– When you see a barrier, you can cry, but get a ladder and climb over it.

– Do not let money, problems, popularity, status quo, or anything else stop you from your dream.

– You have to believe in success and you have to go after it. It is work, it is a positive outlook, it is courage and it is a dream. The secret of success lies within.

– Give samples of your product and let people have a taste of it.

– The art of salesmanship is letting the customer have it their way.

– Everyone has talent, it’s just a matter of moving around until you find out what it is.

– Always keep your eye on the operation.

– It is choice, not chance that will determine your testimony.

– If you snooze, you lose. If you have an opportunity, take a chance and put your best foot forward.

– A product should be needed by many people and should solve a problem.

– No one can be a success unless they love their work.

– Aspire to do something that will make a difference.

– Provide an atmosphere that is good and comfortable for both your employees and clients.

Public Speaking to Win

by Dale Carnegie

 

– Nearly everything powerful in life comes down to how you say it, your persuasion.

– Have an air-tight knowledge of the subject you’re speaking about.

– Use plain language, illustrations and stories.

– Appeal to your listeners by talking

– Preparation requires thinking, studying, and getting to know your subject well.

– What topics should you speak on? Anything that interests you.

– When preparing a speech, collect 100 thoughts about the topic and discard 90 of them. Be over prepared.

– Notes will distract or destroy any intimacy between the speaker and listener’s. Be very cautious of using notes. Notes should be the emergency tool, something you have to make you feel safe but you do not necessarily use them. If you do have to use notes, make it very discreet, glancing only every once in a while where nobody can detect it.

– Get comfortable with your talk. Walk around practicing it. Rehearse it in your head and be ready.

– Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is one of the most important ingredients in selling something or getting something done.

– Every time we speak, we determine the spirit of our listeners. If we are lackadaisical, they will be as well. If we are not concerned, they will not be concerned either. If we are reserved, they will be as well. But if we are excited and convinced about what we are speaking about, our spirit will be contagious.

– Do not lean against the table, do not rock back-and-forth, stand up straight and tall. Control yourself physically to show that you are at ease and in control, if not they will know that you are nervous and unprepared.

– Look at your audience as with a sense of what you are saying is urgent and important.

– Use gestures, they will reveal importance, enthusiasm and excitement.

– The finest thing that you can do in your speech is not physical or mental, it is spiritual, loving people. If you can love others and think of others while you’re speaking, it will make the greatest difference.

– Use certain words while you’re speaking, keywords. Vary your tone of speech going up and down. Slow down at times and speed up at other times, but do not stay monotone. Pause before and after important parts of your speech.

– Before your speech, get rested up. It is not good to go before others when you’re tired.

– Eat sparingly before you speak. Do not eat too much, just enough to nurture you.

– Stand near your listeners, get them all together, breakdown the formalities and be close to them in order to speak intimately to them.

– The gestures of the speaker should be depend on the character of the speaker. Do not act like someone you’re not.

– It is seldom that a story is funny, it is often how the story is told that makes it funny.

– Never start a speech by apologizing. Why insult a group of people by telling them that you are not ready or did not prepare enough, etc.

– Arouse your audience with the first sentence of your speech. Catch their attention right away.

– Study how magazine and newspaper articles hook readers with their titles. You can learn more from them then you can from listening to multiple speeches.

– Be very clear, talking in terms that the people understand.

– Talk to the people about subjects that interest them. Remember that everyone’s favorite subject is themselves.

– Always remember that your audience will be only interested in the subject to the degree that you are interested in the subject.

– Be distinctive. Do not just use coined phrases that everyone knows, say it in a fresh way.

The Power of Discipline

7 Ways It Can Change Your Life

By Brian Tracy

 

– Success is tons of discipline.

– Do what you should do when you should do it whether you feel like it or not.

– You can know all about any subject, but unless you discipline yourself to do what you’re supposed to do you will never succeed.

– With self-discipline you can rise above the average, but without self-discipline it doesn’t matter how many good qualities, background or finances that you have, you will never go above average.

 

1. Self-discipline and Goals

• If you do not know where you are going, you will not know how to get there.

• You will hit every target that you do not aim for.

• A goal that is not written down is like smoke, it just vanishes away.

• Set a deadline for your goal, a time when you want to achieve it. And then set steps needed to acquire that goal.

• Organize a list by both sequence and priority.

 

2. Self-discipline and Character

• Hold a higher expectation for yourself more than anyone else and be more lenient with everyone else.

• When you are under serious pressure is when your true character is revealed.

• Guard your integrity more than anything.

• Circumstances do not make a man, but they do reveal one.

 

3. Self-discipline and Time Management.

• If you do not conquer yourself, you will be conquered by self.

• Cannot manage time, you can only manage yourself.

• Time lost cannot be regained.

• You cannot save time, but you can spend it differently.

• Procrastination is the thief of life.

• You could tell the value that something has to you by how much time you spend doing it.

• It is only by looking how you spend your time will you and the others know what is important to you.

• The more you discipline yourself to use your time wisely, the happier you will feel the better quality of life you will live.

 

4. Self-discipline and Personal Health

• The five “P’s” of health health:

1. Proper weight

2. Proper diet – eat to live, don’t live to eat.

3. Proper exercise – this is important to your health and life. Exercise a minimum of three times a week.

4. Proper rest – most people do not rest enough, going to bed too late and not getting enough rest. You need brakes and vacations to recharge.

5. Proper attitude – The more optimistic that you are, the better your health is. An optimistic person has a better immune system, shielding against disease and sicknesses. And optimistic person bounces back quicker to sicknesses problems. Look for the good in every situation.

• Eat less and exercise more

 

. 5. Self-discipline and Money.

• The majority of financial problems is because of a lack of self-discipline and self control.

• You must rewire your brain to save

• Spend wisely instead of just spending money because you have it.

 

6. Self-discipline and Courage.

• Courage is not the lack of fear but controlling that fear.

• Everyone is afraid, but the courageous person will still do what needs to be done in spite of that fear.

• We can learn to do the opposite of fear.

• If you will imagine doing something, you could say “I can do it” instead of “I can’t do it” – every time you say “I can’t do it”, it will override fear and build your courage and boldness.

• There are two types of courage you don’t need it: courage to start (step out and launch) and courage of patients (to continue on until you have accomplished it).

The only way to defeat fear is to face it head-on.

• The companion of fear is worry.

 

7. Self-discipline and Responsibility.

• Accepting responsibility is one of the hardest things we can do.

• 85% of people never take responsibility for themselves; they blame, complain and criticize. People get burned by hot coffee and sue the restaurant, fall down because of negligence and sue someone else, etc. We cannot go through life blaming everyone else.

• It takes tremendous self-discipline to take responsibility for what happens instead of blaming others.

• The difference between success and failure is a choice. We must learn selfdiscipline to do what we should whether we feel like it or not.

The Motivation Mastery

by Chris Widener

 

– The media, peer pressure, and everything around us is telling us what we should be. We must grow on the inside in order not to doubt so much.

– When we can accept who we are, we can do almost anything.

– About anything that you want in life is attainable with taking just a few steps.

– Grow who you are – don’t just try to be somebody else, decide to grow as who you already are.

– When you are comfortable in your own skin, you do not have to pretend to be something else.

– No one can do everything alone, you have to have help.

– You have to win in your mind first before you can go out and win elsewhere.

– If you’re not confident, you will become fearful.

– Fear is normal but you have to decide to focus and think about the right thing.

– Attitude will determine your success.

– Turn your fear into focus – remember why you were there and what your mission is.

– Your competitor today might be your ally tomorrow. – Near flawless execution is a result of all this preparation.

– People that are so passionate about things will overcome the fear and obstacles. You must be passionate about whatever you’re doing.

– W.I.N. — Work It Now – Don’t just make sales without making customers.

– The golden rule (doing unto others as you would want done to yourself) is super important, but there is another rule that is super valuable as well: the platinum rule – do to others as they would want you to do to them. This is adaptability, getting on their level and helping them that way.

– You are alive grow according to your curiosity and imagination.

– 1 idea + right contacts = unlimited results.

– First you have to have a dream, then you must have a team, then you will have multiple screams.

– Every seasoned player should have a rookie to help and every rookie should have a seasoned player to learn from.

– Practice doesn’t make perfect, practice makes permanent… So learn from it.

– Listen to the right people and get the right influence, not just any influence.

– One of the worst things that you can do is to believe the press about yourself.

– If you want to learn something, go listen, watch, or be with those that are doing it.

– Failure is an event not a person. So learn from failure.

– Failure is like fertilizer, you can use it to grow.

– Instead of talking the whole time, ask people questions.

– Most awesome deals are learnable: sales, financial, etc.

– All success are combinations, recipes and formulas.

– Successful people fail over and over again whereas unsuccessful people only fail once or twice before they quit.

Big 3 for success:

1. Take responsibility.

2. Write goals and make plans, working on them every day.

3. Develop yourself to lifelong learning.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

by Dr. John Gray

 

The book gives the analogy of people from Mars meeting the people from Venus – things are so different between the two groups and so they must learn about each other to live in harmony…

– Love can be great and can last when we will remember and respect each other’s differences.

– We think that our spouse should think like us, but that is not how it works.

– Men want to put on their Mr. fix-it hat the moment they hear their wife talk, but a woman does not want every situation to be fixed rather to be listened to.

– Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed, and women feel motivated and empowered when they are listened to and cherished.

– Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.

– When a man is upset, all he wants to do is be alone; when a woman is upset she wants someone to be there so feel like she has support and someone cares for her. Many misunderstandings come from not understanding this difference.

– Blaming your partner never works, compassion does.

– Every man’s deepest fear is that he is not needed or not competent.

– A man’s silence is often hurtful to his wife because she misinterprets his silence. A woman is only silent which she does not have anything nice to say or because she does not really like the other person – so a man’s silence to a woman is interpreted that he does not love her and rejects her.

– Men feel frustrated by problems unless they are doing something to fix them but women just want the man to listen. If the woman will learn to show appreciation with her words, the man will not feel useless by just listening.

– When there are misunderstandings, remember that you and your spouse speak different languages, so try to understand your spouse.

– Men and women’s emotional needs are different, they usually give what they want from the other person and as a result become resentful. Both feel like they give and give and do not get back… therefore they become frustrated.

– Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, approval, admiration, and encouragement.

– Women primarily need understanding, respect, devotion, caring, validation, and reassurance.

– Three mistakes that man primarily make when it comes to women’s emotional needs:

1. He minimizes the importance of her feelings and needs.

2. He listens but then gets angry and blames her for making him upset.

3. After listening, he says nothing and just gets up and walks away – making her feel insecure because she did not receive what she needed.

– Communication is one of the most important elements in marriage, and arguments may be the most discouraging element in marriage.

– It takes two to argue, but it only takes one to stop an argument.

– The best way to stop an argument is to just stop talking, take a timeout and reflect on how you are talking to your spouse. Try to understand that you may not be giving your spouse what she needs. Then come back and in a loving and respectful way begin talking again.

– Many arguments start or continue because we do not feel like we receive love – we must remember that we are from different planets and speak different languages.

– Women need to be cared for and men need to be trusted. Women need validation, men need approval.

– Sometimes the best way to fix a problem is write a letter. When you write a letter, you can see your own feelings written down and change it – you are more thoughtful and cautious when writing it down because you want to explain well.

– When you want to feel better, write a love letter.

– If you want more, you have to ask for it. Most people have a problem asking. Not demanding but asking. Simply be direct.

– We cannot expect our spouse to always be loving, we also must have the gift of understanding.

– The process of learning does not mean just forgetting and forgiving, but remembering and applying.

– Give your spouse permission to make mistakes.

– You are a pioneer so understand that you’ll be lost at times and your spouse will as well be lost at times as well.

Maximum Achievement

by Brian Tracy

 

– It doesn’t matter if you are poor or rich, where you are from or the color of your skin, there’s a law of nature that teaches you will get out what you put in. Work hard, be smart and remember that what you put in is what you will get out.

– Success lies within you choosing to purposefully think on only what you want to be good at and do.

– Many people have an undisciplined life or unorganized thoughts instead of thinking on the one thing that they want in life.

– Your job in life is to be the conductor of your own symphony, harmonizing all your thoughts according to your choosing.

– If you wish to reap a harvest in a different area, then you must plant different seeds.

– What you get is not necessarily what you want, but it is what you expect.

– What happens to you many times is a reflection of what is happening inside of you.

– You’re only limitation is your desire, how bad do you want it.

– A wish is a goal without any energy behind it.

– If you look back in your life, you will realize that almost everything good that you have accomplished was preceded by difficulties in hard times.

– The character trait of successful people is that they look at setbacks as lessons instead of failures. Failure is not in their dictionary, they are learning experiences.

– Set time aside for solitude in your life. Time when you turn everything off and do nothing more than think or sit in silence.

– More people lose jobs by not knowing how to get along with people than they do for not knowing how to do something. Learn to be a people person.

– Praise people – specifically, immediately and often.

– Whatever you praise will likely be repeated.

– People will work harder for more money, but they will do almost anything to get praise.

– Everyone has accomplished something that is worthy of your admiration. Your job is to find it and point it out to that person.