People Can’t Drive You Crazy If You
Don’t Give Them The Keys
by Mike Bechtle
– Our problems usually have to do with people (they did not meet our expectations, got in our way or whatever).
– Two people can go through the same circumstance yet it affects them differently — it is not the problem but how we handle the problem.
– You’re at one of three steps to take back control and not be driven crazy:
1. Change the circumstances — do whatever you can to try to get things back on track and under control. Can you give an alternative so the situation changes?
2. Change your attitude — if you can’t change the circumstances, you have to change your attitude towards the person or problem. When you can’t change a personal problem, realize you can’t change gratitude.
3. Leave the situation — leaving a job, relationship or place should be the last resort when many times it is the first resort for people.
– Realize that your relationship with God can help you with your relationship with others.
– It’s our perspective on things that make it look good or bad. Some of the happiest people are some of the poorest people and some of the richest people are the most miserable — it is their perspective on life.
– Stop and see from the other persons point of view. Until you see from the other person’s viewpoint you cannot totally understand why they’re doing what they’re doing.
– The possibility of changing someone else’s attitude and actions is very slim, but we can take control of our attitude and actions.
– We cannot eliminate all the drama around us, but we can learn to live responsibly instead of reactionary.
– Relationships are messy and none of them are exactly the same. Every individual is uniquely different.
– Trying to change another person, their thoughts and ways, is like trying to fight a grease fire with water… it’s a disaster. When we think we will be happy when the other person changes, we are giving them control of the situation.
– Relationships take work and time.
– Having healthy relationships does not mean they will be drama or stress-free and that everything will be perfect.
– God doesn’t allow the magic wand to be waived so that problems in relationships just go away, but God does give us wisdom on how to deal with people, problems and situations.
– We cannot change others, but we influence them when we take control of ourselves.
– If we want to get the best use out of our car, we read the manual for the car. And if we want to get the best use out of relationships with others, we should read what God, the designer of relationships, wrote about them.
– It is not our job to fix other people, but we seem to spend a lot of time, thoughts and efforts trying to do so.
– Learn to talk to a person not about a person. Talking behind someone’s back is called gossip and will only hurt others.
– Gossip does not promote healing, the Gospel does.
– Our attitude cannot depend on what others do.
– If we expect for other people to change, we will be disappointed.
– God never intended for everyone to be the same. Just as there is variety in nature, so is there variety in people and personalities.
– We like a symphony because there is a variety of instruments playing together. It would be pretty boring if everything was a violin or the same instrument. The same goes with people. A tuba will never be a violin, it will always be a tuba. Wishing that a tuba would be otherwise, does not change it, it will only frustrate you.
– The key to manage our emotions is to manage your thoughts. When you think someone did something to hurt you or meant something bad, you react wrong.
– Changing ourselves, as opposed to trying to change others, does two great things for us: it puts us in charge of the situation and it allows us to influence others because we are not controlled by them, emotions and the situation.
– When we genuinely change on the inside, we will react to people differently on the outside.
– Emotional stability is determined by where we put our focus. We can focus on crazy people and/or problems, focus on ourselves or focus on truth.
– If you focus on what the other person does/did, on anger or revenge, you’re allowing the other person to control you.
– If we want different feelings come out we have to have different thoughts.
– We can choose not to think about or worry about what’s wrong instead of what’s right. Don’t allow stressful things to enter you (many news radio, negative reading material, etc.). Allow the positive things to influence you.
– Changing ourselves changes everything.
– Don’t place too high of expectations because it only leads to discouragement.
– The past is permanent and we can do nothing about it no matter how hard we try, so don’t dwell on it.
– Don’t be the victim, change yourself.
– There’s always hope for relationships because God is the One working on individual lights. Go to Him and let Him do the work.
– We don’t have to become victims. People cannot drive us crazy unless we give them the keys.