Category: Book Reviews

The Difference Maker

by John Maxwell

– A motivational speaker makes you feel good, but the next day you don’t know what to do; a motivational teacher makes you feel good but the next day you know what to do.

– Attitude is not everything, but it is the difference maker.

– Attitude is an inward feeling shown by outward behavior. People always try to mask the way they feel on the inside but attitude always wiggles it’s way out.

– There’s not a single part of your life that is not affected by your attitude and your future will be affected by your attitude as well.

– Your attitude comes from: 1

. Your attitude comes from who you are

2. Your attitude comes from your environment – how you grew up, who you’re around, etc. divorce, deaths, poverty, etc.

3. Your attitude is an expression of others, how you feel. Things that were said to you earlier in life you are reacting to them as a result.

4. Your attitude comes from your self image, how you see yourself. It’s hard to see anything in the world positive if you see yourself as negative.

5. Your attitude comes from your life experience.

6. Your attitude is affected by those you’re around, peers. You become like the people that you hang around with. You usually do not change the people that you’re around, acting like them. You become negative, bitter, complainer, etc. because that is how the people around you are.

7. Your attitude comes from your beliefs, what you think. Every thought that you have shaped your life.

8. Your attitude comes from your choices, what you do. Many people want to change life, and the things around them but the first person that needs to be changed is yourself.

– To change your life you must take responsibility for what you do with your attitude.

– Your attitude can be the difference maker, but it is not the only thing needed to be a success. If someone has good skills and an ok attitude and someone else has a great attitude but no skills, the person with more skills will get the job. A great attitude alone will not get you the job.

1. Your attitude cannot substitute for competence. If you think you could do something, that is confidence; if you know how to do something that is competence. The two are different.

2. A great attitude can help you personally, make you happy, make you more content and enjoy life, but but it cannot help your position.

3. Your attitude cannot substitute for experience.

4. Your attitude cannot substitute for personal growth. Quit waiting for the tide to come begin being the man you should be. Nothing can substitute for personal learning.

– Your attitude will not stay good automatically. Attitude will not fix everything, you must work at it.

– Attitude is the difference maker, but you cannot buy attitude.

– I cannot choose what happens to me but I can choose what happens in me.

– Some things are beyond my control, but I can choose to respond the right way.

– Gratitude to make the difference in your approach to life. Two men look through prison bars, one saw mud and the others other saw stars.

– The happiest people in life do not have everything, but they do make the best of everything. – Who we are determines how we see other people

– In life, obstacles are inevitable, so how are we going to handle them? Make the best of things. The path you choose depends on your attitude.

– Every challenge is an opportunity and every opportunity has a challenge.

– Your attitude has profound influence on how you see life and the way you live it.

– What negative thoughts consistently control your mind? You cannot change your attitude for the better until you recognize what is impacting your attitude for the worse.

– The desire to change is a key to growth in life.

– Change is possible but only if you want it bad enough.

– If you want to change your attitude, start with the change of behavior. Change your habits and you will change your attitude.

Discouragement

– If you let discouragement inside of you, it will conquer you from the inside out.

– Everyone has moments of discouragement, but the question is if you’re going to give up or get up.

– When discouragement comes there are splatters and bouncers: splatters are those that fall and splat, staying on the bottom. Bouncers are those that when they fall jump back up. Your attitude will help you determine if you’re going to be a splatter or a bouncer.

– Here are five attitudes to help you bounce back up with discouragement:

1. Get back up. You cannot solve your problems by ignoring them, but you cannot solve them by being fixated on them either. When you recognize the problem, begin focusing on the solution.

2. See the right people. Some people just lift you up, so get around the right people that will lift you up and give you hope. Everyone you come in contact with is in need of a lifter, you can lift them up and help them.

3. Say the right words. One of the big problems in discouragement is self talk, negative thinking. One of the biggest problems in life when it comes to discouragement is that we listen to ourselves instead of talk to ourselves. It’s not what happens to me or what happened that matters the most. This too shall pass.

4. Have the right expectations. Have to remain flexible and not expect for everything to go perfectly. Focus on what you can achieve not what you cannot achieve.

5. Make the right decisions. Instead of being held captive by these discouraging thoughts and times, decide to move forward. Change – It’s hard for everyone. Everyone wants to move forward, but we almost always resist change.

– Why people resist change:

1. People resist change because of what it may do to them personally.

2. People resist change because of fear of the unknown.

3. People resist change because the timing might be wrong. Find out if others are on board. Is the leadership capable of making this change? Are there other benefits involved in this change?

4. People resist change because it feels awkward. When was the last time you did something that felt awkward?

5. People resist change because of tradition. People think that just because something is a tradition that it must be right, but that is not always so.

– Without change there could be no progress.

– Make a commitment to pay the price for change.

– Things must change within you before the change without (outside of) you.

– Decide that there are some things not worth changing. What are the things that you’re willing to live and die for, the non-negotiables.

– It’s never too late to change.

Problems

– Problems are inescapable. All of us have problems. Your perspective about the problems make the difference. Problems can make you bitter or better.

– The size of the person is more important than the size of the problem.

– Problems responded to correctly can actually advance us forward.

– Anticipate problems.

• A good leader does not see problems as abnormal but as something normal that happens in life.

• A problem not anticipated is a problem; a problem anticipated is only an opportunity.

– Face the problem.

• Most people try to flee from the problem, run from it. Others try to forget the problem, just ignore it. Others try to fight the problem but it does not go away. But we must face the problem so we can find a solution.

– Evaluate the problem.

– Embrace the problem.

• Each problem is an opportunity. Problems are wake up calls for opportunity.

• Problems will cause us to use our creativity and all that we have.

– Think of people who have bigger problems. When we have a friend who loses a loved one, all of our problems seem so petty.

– List out all of the ways that can be used to solve the problem. There’s a solution to every problem whether we know it or not.

– Determine the best three ways to solve the problem. Good thinkers always have more than one way to solve a problem. It is a mistake if we think that there’s only one solution to a problem.

– Refocus on the mission and move on. When you make a mistake, don’t fight it or justify it, just admit it and refocus on the mission.

– A problem solved is a springboard for success. Fear.

– Even the first man Adam had fear when he heard God’s voice and hid from him. Fear is a part of human nature.

– Here are some negative things the fear can do in a persons life:

1. Fear breeds more fear.

Most things will not come to pass, but we live in fear that they will.

2. Fear causes inaction.

Fear is like a warning sign that makes us afraid of a dog that could not even hurt us. Fear can create a debilitating cycle. Fear makes us afraid of trying something that could help us. If we give into fear we will never know what could happen. We cannot allow fear to paralyze us. If we are too afraid of failure, we will probably never win.

3. Fear weakens us.

We could not allow fear to vaster us and our strengths. Fear makes the wolf bigger than he really is. Sometimes fear makes us afraid of things that could not even really hurt us. Fear can push in the wrong direction by causing you to do something.

4. Fear keeps us from showing our potential. One of the greatest things we can do is be afraid of what could happen to us. People who are ruled by fear play it safe and that is dangerous.

– Fear can be overcome by anyone.

Here are few steps to overcome fear:

1. Admit your fears. You cannot overcome your fears unless you admit that they exist.
2. Discover the source of your fear. Most people’s fears are based more on feeling than they are on facts.
3.  Realize how fears can limit you. Studies have shown that 95% of our fears are baseless. The truth is that life is dangerous so just decide to live it to the fullest.
4. Accept normal fear as the price of progress. Do not let fear rule you rather except it as the price for becoming better or learning more. Don’t let fear stop you from taking steps in the right direction. The sting of the bee will stop you from getting the sweet honey from the honeycomb.
5. Convert fear into fire. Everyone feels the same out of fear, but a warrior will turn that fear into fire and use it. Afraid of poverty, use it to have a strong worth ethic. Afraid of rejection, use it to learn to relate better.
6. Focus on things that you can control. Many things you cannot control in life, but focus on the things that you can. There’s a great difference between being worried and being concerned. A worried person sees the problem does nothing, a concerned person sees the problem and finds a solution.
7. Give today your attention, not yesterday or tomorrow. Most of our attention is given to what has passed or what will happen, but focus on today. Worrying about our past is a waste of time. If you have done the best that you can do, there’s no use worrying about it because nothing can change it. Do not focus just on the destination, enjoy the journey. Do all within your power to joy work here and now, you cannot change the past or the future.
8. Feed the right emotion and starve the wrong one. Fear and faith are both present in our lives but the emotion that you feed will be the one that dominates. Focus on your faith and feed it, starve your fears and do not waste time thinking about it. Do the thing that you think that you cannot. Failure.

– There are three types of people in this world, the wills, the won’ts and can’ts.

– Don’t be afraid to take a risk. Life is full of rest.

– Everyone experiences failure, but we do not have to let us keep it keep us down.

– Failure does not have to keep you down. Do not let failure make you scared of trying again.

– Change your vocabulary. 2 dangerous words in English vocabulary: ”if only”.

– You may think that the odds are stacked against you but so what, every person who has achieved anything had the odds stacked against him/her. 

– Let failure mark you to success.

– Hold onto your sense of humor. Don’t take your mistakes too seriously, it is not a matter of life or death.

– Learn from your mistakes. You can learn more from your failures than your successes. Sometimes you win sometimes you learn, that’s the mark of a good attitude.

– Don’t lose your perspective. Failure is like success, it’s a day-to-day process. It is how you deal with life along the way, it is not a one-time event.

– Don’t become too familiar with failure.

– Make failure a gauge for growth.

– Never give up. If you give up, you will never know how close you were to success. Get back up. If you have experienced failure, you’re in a better position to succeed than those who have not failed. So if you feel a lot, celebrate because as long as you do not give up you’re in a good place.

– Never forget the power of choice, you are the person who decides your attitude.

– Everyone has a good attitude when things are going well, but you must decide to have a good attitude at every stage of life.

The Motivation Manifesto

By Brendon Burchard

 

– It is not possible to live in the past, future, or some other place and expect to be happy; we consciously must live right now.

– Without self-mastery of fear and doubt in our every day life, we will be defeated.

– Hurry has become our mastery. We have lost focus, we must slow it all down. Most people don’t remember the last time they were were joyous or happy.

– We must not let social pressures ruin our potential.

– Only two things can change our lives: something new happens from without us or something new happens within us.

Freedom:

– Everyone wants to have freedom

– personal freedom, financial freedom, religious freedom, emotional freedom, time, etc. We were not made to be a oppression.

– We must break away from self oppression and social pressures if we are going to be free in our lives

– The greatest depression comes from our own selves

– we are our greatest suppressors, not that which is around us.

– It should be clear to us that we can be our own worst enemies.

– Personal power comes from personal responsibility.

– We must be both conscious and responsible for our actions and behaviors if we truly want to have freedom.

– Personal freedom is not just being free from pain and oppression, it is also being free to live life at its fullest.

Fear:

– Fear is nothing more than bad management of your mind.

– People try to tell us that fear will give us courage or that it is natural, but fear is actually a thief to humanity.

– Fear was put in us to avoid death and threat of physical safety, but we have perverted it and used it the wrong way.

– Fear rules us if we let it. We can choose to avoid it or accept it.

– If fear is ruling in our lives it is because we let it instead of choosing boldness, victory or greatness.

– So if we are not free, it is because we have chosen to let fear rule in our lives. Fear wins or freedom wins.

– There is no genetic fact or reason that one has to fear more than another. Fear is only because we have poor mental faculties or bad influences that have taught us to be fearful.

– Fearful people usually have developed that way because of past experiences — parents, or situations in life that have caused them to be timid or afraid. So fear has become their guided default.

– People will drive us to fear — parents, friends, etc. Not that they purposely want to hurt us, but they’re “warning” or “looking out for us”… and this will cause us to fear.

– How often do we let the worry burn us because we do not consciously put out the fire. Just as if we would have an extinguisher in our hand yet not use it when our house is burning, so it is what we were he consciously do nothing about it.

– We have the tools to overcome worry; they lie within us.

– Just as a lion tamer was once afraid to walk into the pin but overcame it, so we can overcome our fears so that they no longer stop us.

– We must have a motive for action. The greatest motive for action his choice. Happiness, sadness, and anger is a choice.

– Although there are people who need medical help, the vast majority do not need drugs, they need a desire. They do not need medication, they need a different life approach.

– People that are motivated are not lucky, they have chosen their path.

– Motivation is not just a feeling, it is a conscientious choice.

– You must sustain motivation. Just as it is not enough for the athlete to dream about being an athlete every once a while, he must schedule times to exercise and listen to his coach. And so we must give attention and effort to our motivation.

– If we are to grow our motivation, the two elements we need are attitude and environment. We ourselves must have a positive attitude and place ourselves around those and those that can help us. Have a place where you can think, be comfortable and be inspired.

– The birth and death of each day’s motivation lies with you.

– No person that lives in the yesterday truly has the power to live today.

– We must be the guardian of our mind – be careful for those commercials that tell us that we cannot live without their products, etc. We must stand firmly at the post of our mind. Reclaim our agenda.

– We seldom go without a day of meaninglessly swiping and checking all of our digital devices.

– Is what we are daily doing have meaning or just filling our time? Busyness does not mean it is meaningful.

– Write down what you want to accomplish this week, this month and this year – they become our declaration of what we want to accomplish with our time and our lives. Without such a written declaration, we will very likely walk around aimlessly. There’s a reason that nations have written declarations and follow them.

– For most, not knowing how to say no is where their life falls into the thicket of distress. You do not have to say yes to everything that comes across your desk.

– People will not always be happy by us saying no, but after while it will be clear that we have a purpose and that we are not deviating from. The goal of saying no is not to be cruel or cold rather to keep our sanity, purpose and progress.

– Every day we can do something to advance our goals and purpose.

– Doubt produces only small men and small women, scared of their own shadows. Only faith can get us out of doubt’s grips. Think why we can’t overcome, there’s no reason to doubt.

– Delay is another monstrous head that tries to creep up in our lives. Delay cries out and tells us to stop, wait, we are not ready yet, and listen to my (delay) brother doubt. Because of delay, many people live in misery or regret. Decisive action is what kills the voice of the delay. Destiny changes when we take action and do not delay. Heroism is to take action even when we are afraid.

– Defiance is yet another poison.

– Division is another poison that destroys many people. We feel like everyone around us is an idiot or doesn’t deserve our respect. Loneliness, fear or anger towards others just division. When we do not value another person’s rights. The answer to our division is love. Love sees the value of others, it realizes that everyone has their battles I deserve respect. Advancement.

– All we need to move forward already lies within us.

– What great thing has ever been accomplished without a little recklessness. It is reckless to try something new or against convention.

– The bold know that in order to do something they must begin.

– You are responsible for your reality.

– Decide what you want to happen in your world and think of how to make it happen.

– No goals equals no growth.

– Action is a must to making things happen. The timid and afraid will always find some reason to start.

– We are joyful only when we do what we think brings joy. We are successful only when we do what brings success. We’re satisfied only what we do what satisfies us.

– Relaxing is an action, dreaming, meditating, it’s so much more than an action.

– Those who do not advance in life are often immature and reliable on others.

– We must not be trapped by fear of criticism or abandonment, we must press forward and advance.

– The only permission granted by society is to follow its norms and rules. No one wants us to advance too quickly because they are afraid they will be left behind.

– Will we choose other people’s approvals and opinions over our own desires and advances? We cannot give everything away because we let other people rule us.

– Most of the success stories in life are people started from scratch, that had nothing but started anyway.

– It is but our own will, desire and vision that we need to start, nothing else. There could be no mastery in life if we cannot turn our disappointment and misfortune to joy and appreciation. If we are not joyful enough, the truth is that we are not bidding will towards joy.

We could lie and say that joyful people have it easier than us, but that is not true. We all know people who are less fortunate get our happy.

Children are little sprouts of joy, do not worry or concern themselves with so many things. So let us become thankful for all that we have and let joy return to us.

Just as joy is a choice, so his gratitude. The person others can count on. Say you’re going to be somewhere, be there. Do what you say you’re going to do.

Desperation causes many people to lose their integrity. Slow down and enjoy what we have. We must stop being like hienas wolfing down all of our food take time to taste. Let us take pleasure what we are, if it does not push aside. It is such a easy formula.

Ziglar on Selling

by Zig Ziglar

 

– Learn, look and live: Learn from the past, Look with hope to the future and Live in the presents.

– Realize that all salesmen have had the door slammed in their face, talked rudely to and laughed that. – Keep up with fresh information to stay ahead of your competitors.

– Choosing to be a good salesman is a daily task. Make a daily commitment that you will become a better salesman.

– Your salary will become more effective when you become more effective.

– In sales, you don’t have to wait for things to happen, you can make things happen.

– In sales, it’s an inside job; depends on you. Depends on your attitude, determination, planning and commitment to make things happen instead of waiting on someone else to make things happen.

– Professional sales people learn to put themselves in the shoes of other people. – Professional sales people must be excellent managers – they must manage their time and their life. The better they manage, the better they will do as a sales person.

– Understand that you can finish school but you will never finish your education, that is a lifelong process.

– The salesperson that will not keep up with the changes of the time will not be as effective as he could be.

– Happiness is not pleasure, it is victory.

– You can have everything in life that you want if you want help everyone in life get what they want.

– Being a salesman is not an 8 to 5 job, it is constantly looking for opportunities to work in any atmosphere.

– COD:  C – Commitment. Learn to communicate correctly your commitment. You don’t have to be pushy, you can do it in a tactful away. O – Observation. Observing at all times what is going on around you. D – Dedication. Dedicated to getting those contacts and having prospects.

– You will make more sales when you have the customers best interest in mind. The people get what they want and they will help you get what you want.

– If you’re going to make a sales call, know the reason for your call and stick with it – if you’re unsure, the person on the end of the line will be unsure as well.

– When you make calls, dress for success. The way you dress even if you’re making the call from home, will affect how you feel and how you make the call.

– Smile when you talk on the phone, your facial expressions will come out in your voice.

1. Need Analysis. Analyze the need of the customer. If you give people both a reason for buying and an excuse for buying, you will very likely make the sale. People buy more because they want to rather than because they need too. So show people how what you’re selling and how it would be good and advantageous for them. Ask questions and you’ll find out what they need and want and then you’ll know how to help them.

2. Need Awareness. Find out what the customer needs and wants.

3. Need Solution. Present them with the solution for their problem and their situation. You don’t just buy a computer, you buy something that will help you organize your life. You don’t buy a bed, you’re purchasing something that gets you a good night sleep. You don’t buy an exercise machine, you are purchasing something that will give you a longer and happier life. In the same way, show them that what they are buying from you will solve problems and meet needs. We don’t buy products, we buy solutions. We lead with need.

4. Need Satisfaction. Have their best in mind. Identify the problem, give the solution and satisfy the customer.

People buy more when they are more emotionally involved. Ask three questions when you finish presenting your product.

A. Can you see how our product can save you money?

B. Are you interested in saving money? (this question seems obvious, but should be asked.)

C. If you are ever going to start saving money, what is the best time to start? (this is a reminder that failure to take action will have consequences.)

– They say that 96% of salesman quit trying after their 4th try but it is said that someone does not buy a product until after the 5th time. Be consistent.

– When your prospect says NO, it may just mean that he does not KNOW enough or you have not explained it well enough.

– When a prospect responds negatively, get QUIET: Q – begin with a question U – understand yourself what their objection is I – identify the objection E – empathize with the prospect T – since you are empathizing instead of sympathizing with the prospect, now you are ready to test the objection.

– When you’re responded to in a rude manner, you have a choice to make — you can choose to respond ugly or choose to be kind. You have the power of choice.

– No matter how angry or upset someone is, remember that it is hard to continue speaking in anger for more than 2 minutes. If you will just let the person finish than his anger will be over, but if you interrupt him you will allow him to regain momentum and keep going.

– Many times, when a customer is upset, it has something to do with what happened to them prior and not necessarily what you are talking about. If you can keep your calm, they will very likely come back to you and feel sorry for the attitude that they had.

– When you are traveling work hard, but when you’re at home be home. Don’t go home to your family but your mind still be traveling.

– One dissatisfied customer will tell more people about you than one satisfied customer will tell. You must be very aware and careful with customers.

– If you will treat prospects as you do you’re paying customers, you will avoid 99% of your problems.

– Most sales people don’t fail because they work too hard, they fail because they are not working hard enough.

– It cost almost 5 times as much work getting a new customer as it does keeping a current customer – so work at making those that you already have happy.

– What a sales person works at organization and discipline, he will be more successful in every area of life.

– Until you get yourself right, your sales and business will not be right – make sure you work on your own attitude.

– Failure is an event, not a person. So if you have failed, leave it in the past and decide to move forward.

– Turn your car into an automobile University. If you spend so many hours in a car, use it to your advantage and educate yourself.

– Take care of your health. Just because you travel does not mean that you have to eat bad and not exercise. In some ways, it is easier to choose what you eat because you don’t have to be tempted to run to the refrigerator.

– Exercise. When you arrive somewhere you can make a schedule to walk, jog, run or exercise in someway. It could be easier making a schedule to exercise while you’re away than it is what you at home.

– Success is not beating the other guy, it is using the abilities you have to the fullest.

The Three Signs of a Miserable Job

by Patrick Lencioni

 

• People spend 8 hours every weekday at work and many people hate their job… what a miserable way to live!

• Eliminating dissatisfactory at work is accomplished by finding the right job.

• The key to a happy job is finding something that you like to do that pays the bills.

• Being miserable affects your spouse, your children, your friends and your life. It leads to substance abuse, depression and violence at home.

• If you enjoy your job, it will make your time working much more pleasurable.

• A job is bound to be miserable unless you have some way to measure it. If a football player plays without knowing what the score is, he gets frustrated. The same goes for a job, it only leads to frustration and being miserable if you do not know how it is going. The best teachers want a test to see how the kids are doing.. and so we must have some measure how we are doing at our job.

• Everyone needs to know that what they’re doing is making a difference in someone else’s life.

• Sports players, managers, CEOs, actors and everyone else will be miserable at their job if they do not feel like they are making a difference in someone else’s life.

• A miserable job really depends on the person – beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

• But still, there are miserable jobs; what is it that make you go home feeling zapped, that you don’t like, that sucks the energy out of you, that makes you go home frustrated or cynical?

• But being miserable doesn’t have everything to do with the job. There are sports players that are answerable doing what they do. There are billionaires who own businesses yet hate what they do.

There are three signs that make a job miserable:

• Anonymity – people need to know that what they do is important, it makes a difference.

1 The Three Signs of a Miserable Job Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush

• • Irrelevance – is what you do help someone else? You have to make the connection of what you do helping others.

• • Immeasurability – people must be able to measure how their job is going. Everyone wants to feel like they’re doing a good job, but if they are not getting feedback that they become frustrated. Even though we know this, most managers do not give good feedback to their employees.

• People that work there jobs having more fulfillment will do their job more effectively. They will arrive earlier, stay later work harder because their job brings fulfillment.

• A manager should take genuine interest in his employees lives. People want to be managed as people, not as mere workers.

• Human beings need to be needed. Everyone wants to feel that they are needed making a difference.

• Managers often forget that workers have their own sense of what to feel satisfied and their job. Worker is not just want to do whatever the manager wants, he also as a person that wants to feel like what he does matters and makes a difference.

• Great athletes don’t try to make a goal or score a touchdown just because it would look better on their contract, they do it because it gives them a sense of fulfillment. Every person must in someway measure their fulfillment.

The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage

by Jim Daily

 

This is a compilation of different author’s opinions on marriage. It was put together by Focus on the Family.

An open heart is of big importance for a good marriage.

The heart of spouse must be open and will only open up when spouse feels safe.

True intimacy is open hearts.

Recognize your spouse’s value.

Write down a list of the reasons why you value your spouse, and then express it to your spouse. Write a list of “I love you because…”

A successful marriage requires you to fall in love with the same person over and over again.

• Keep your Commitment to your Commitment — Ken Blanchard Years from now you should love your spouse more than you do now. Remember your commitment.

Do you want your relationship to work? It’s a commitment if so. Marriage works when you have two “yes’” to that commitment.

You should be able to write down “What I love about you is…” and “Why I choose to spend the rest of my life with you is…”

• Make Love a Verb — Andy Stanley

Falling in love is easy but staying in love is hard.

When the going gets tough many just go.

We treat love like a noun, something that happened, not is happening. Love is

not a one time thing.

It takes a plan.

Falling in love requires only a heart beat but staying in love requires a commitment.

We know how to fall in love but most do not know how to stay in love.

Key to staying in love is respect, respect, respect.

We are to guard our hearts (Prov. 4:23)

Think before you speak.

Pay close attention to your heart.

We have fairy tale beliefs about marriage.

Believe the best, don’t think the worse.

Nothing speaks more of our Christian life like our marriage

3. My Heavenly Father-in-law — Gary Thomas

Your wife isn’t just your wife, she is God’s daughter.

Your marriage isn’t just about you, it’s about God. You can’t treat a girl wrong and

expect a father to be good with that.

I Peter 3:7

If someone was treating your kids bad, you wouldn’t be happy taking to that person.

God wants His children to be loved

We love because He first loved us.

Is how you treated your spouse last week the way you would want someone to treat your child?

4. Practice non-random Acts of Kindness — Paul & Teri Reisser

All of us are selfish creatures by nature and rather to be served than serve. Do small things to show love, whether making bed, changing toilet paper roll, making the coffee, etc.

be intentional about serving your spouse.

5. Lighten up and Laugh — Ted Cunningham

Laughter is a beautiful thing. You can’t stay mad at someone who makes you laugh and you can’t hate someone with whom you laugh. God wants you to enjoy marriage.

Life is a grime. Age, money or nothing else will get us out of the grime. Death is the only thing that ends the grime. But in the midst of the grime, we are to enjoy life. We can’t get out of the grime but we can choose joy during life.

Your wife was not put in your life to make life miserable, it can be enjoyable.

Proverbs 17:22. Go and enjoy life with your spouse.

6. Be your Partner’s Best Friend — Les & Leslie Parrot

It’s not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that kills a marriage.

70% of happiness in marriage could be attributed to friendship in marriage.

Friends choose to serve each other.

Study what makes your spouse laugh.

Add more laughter to your relationship.

Good friends protect each other. We all have bad moments but good friends have the other’s back.

We shouldn’t take for granted the friendship of our spouse.

• Communicate how much your Spouse Means to You — H.B. London Never go to bed mad at each other.

Deal with your issues as they happen or they’ll only get worse. Never assume

Most don’t know how to say what needs to be said.

We fail to express our love & we take each other for granted. Never, never stop listening

Affairs occur when a spouse doesn’t fulfill the needs of the other. Don’t avoid the real issues.

Hostility and criticism can kill your spouse’s love. Don’t make the other feel cheap or useless. Don’t give up

It takes a lifetime of commitment. Pray for your spouse.

Love that communicates is love that doesn’t fail.

• Stop, Drop and Roll — Dewey Wilson

What people see on the outside is not always what is on the inside.

Your marriage didn’t go south over night, but you can still turn it around.

Before change occurs, it must make sense.

• Stop — when you think of old thoughts or something that will only cause problems, stop! 2 Cor. 10:4 — we have power to stop those thoughts.
• Drop — to your knees in prayer asking God to help.

• Roll — change the negative thoughts, words or actions into positive ones.

Become a student of your spouse.

Your attitude will determine your response.

God wants to do a work in you so let him.

9. The Art of Affirmation — Joni Eareckson Tada

The Bible teaches that the tongue has incredible power. With your tongue, you can pull down or be the best cheerleader.

Commend your spouse when you see the good in them.

Practice affirmation. Those words are to your spouse what water is to your flowerbeds.

Write a note of encouragement or say something but your words can change the countenance and heart of your spouse.

• Ask Older Couples what Works for Them — Bill & Pam Farrel Get real advice by real people.

Conflict is normal for couples. Forgive quickly.

Three is better than two, Jesus can make you have a great marriage. Seek out marriage by older and experienced, good people.

• Nine Words that have Helped us Stay Married — Bob Waliszewski Determine there are certain things that you won’t say in marriage — divorce Failed expectations — life is not only about you

Differing view points — about little silly things

The marital reset button — walk or take time to breathe but don’t leave each other.

What works for us — decide that you will not You’re not always right.

Don’t keep score

Avoid the silent treatment

Stay away from words like “always” and “never”

Don’t threaten your spouse with divorce or separation.

• Grow as a Couple and as Individuals — Frank Pastore

The measure of a man’s ministry is his marriage.

God doesn’t call you to be a single servant rather to work together as a couple. You need friends that can help enrich your life and marriage. We need couples that we can learn from and fellowship with.

13. Putting Sex on the Calendar — Jill Savage

Plan and calendar sex and write it down in code. Doesn’t always have to be spontaneous.

It eliminates the asking or begging for sex.

It increases desire. The brain is the largest sexual component.

It increases anticipation. We can plan time together.

It allows for planning.

It helps couples prepare both mentally and physically.

It helps build trust.

While sex is good spontaneously, putting it on the calendar works as well.

4 The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage Book Review by Jeffrey Bush

14. Attitude is a Choice — Stormie Omartian

The Holy Spirit doesn’t make us have fruit, we have to choose to have fruit.

We choose our attitude.

You can decide not to be bitter, not get upset, etc.

15. Deliberately Seek the Lord – Phil & Heather Joel

Is the form of Christianity we live what it should be?

Decide to read the Bible and get close to the Lord. As you get close to the Lord,

you can and will grow in marriage.

Prayer changes everything.

Oneness in marriage with God is a decision and one that will change you and your marriage. It is the key.

As a man’s relationship is with God, so will the marriage be.

16. Believe your Spouse wants your Best – Jeff & Shaunti Feldhahn

When you grasp that your spouse wants the best for you will change your

marriage. If you think your spouse wants to hurt you, you will have a bad

marriage.

Believing spouse wants the best for you will not only solve many problems but will also avoid many problems.

What do you assume about your spouse?

Replace your thoughts with positive ones. What can be a positive reason that you’re spouse did what he/she did? Take your thoughts captive. Decide and assume that your spouse wants the best for you. Learn the truth about your spouse.

Let your understanding change your marriage.

• The Power of Taking a Time-Out – Michael & Amy Smalley Learn to react instead of respond.

Reacting is launching out immediately upon our emotions; responding is thinking before you take action.

James 1:19-20

Taking a timeout is not just for kids. When you get upset, you should take a time out. Avoiding something is just walking away from it, but taking a timeout is getting away from each other to think through it and then return back later to discuss it.

When you get alone and pray about it, the Holy Spirit may reveal to you that your attitude or actions are not pleasing to Him.

• The Convicting Question that Changed our Marriage – Lee Strobel Ask yourself the question, how would you like to be married to you? Willpower does not change a man and time does not change man, only Christ changes men.

Matthew 7:1 – Look at your own faults instead of judging your spouse. Do not be conflict avoiders, become conflict facers.

Learn to listen – James 1:19

The Art of Speaking:

Lessons From the Greatest Speeches in History

by John R. Hale

 

 

1. Overcome Obstacles

Public speaking can turn a commoner into a great orator. Everyone should work at being a better public speaker.

We must get over stage fright, which is nothing more than fear.

Getting somewhere early and visualizing yourself speaking there can rid of much of your stage fright.

Write your speech down so that if you get scared and nervous you have somewhere to look to and remember.

Practice and practice what you’re going to say.

Don’t expect your speech to be perfect or succeed the very first time.

Make up your mind that you will overcome.

Work on training and getting better.

2. Practice your Delivery

The way that you use your voice and body in the speech is very important. Cross training – running up the hill or jogging while trying to speak so you can still get your idea across clearly is helpful. Study actors.

Tone of voice, stance, body gestures, the way you move your body and your hands, etc. are important with actors… and is important in giving a speech. Your impression on the audience is going to be made by the way you use your voice and hands more than just the words that you use.

When Patrick Henry gave his famous speech on “give me liberty or give me death”, he had to convince Virginia to get behind him for the war. It was the repeated phrases and words, the tone of his voice, and the theatrical style of the speech that got to the people more than just the mere words he said.

Volume, pitch, silence, pause, inflection of words, accent of where to put the voice, etc., You must decide how you’re going to use your words and your speech.

Pitch – you cannot stay only on a high tone or only on a low tone, you must use variety. Monotone becomes very annoying.

Music can help you learn how to use your pitch — sometimes low, sometimes strong, have a crescendo and work up to it.

Your body language is important, and one of the most important parts on your body is your eye – you must use your eyes correctly. If you are looking straight into someone’s eyes, it is very difficult for them to look away, therefore you can speak directly to them. Find people in your audience that are nodding or smiling

and look to them to keep on track with your speech. But work on making everyone in the audience feel like you were looking at them, not just one person. Stand up straight, don’t slouch or crouch. Use your hands or movements to emphasize something, but don’t make it look fake.

A smile will show that you’re happy and make your audience feel at ease.

Don’t forget that you need to use your entire body and your entire vocal chords in your speech.

3. Be your Self

Be yourself and let your audience know who you are. Don’t be someone that you’re not.

You’re wanting people to know who you are and to believe in the same cause that you believe in. Opening up to people both in public speaking and private life is the way to get people on your side.

Do not be afraid to share with others your weaknesses.

You can use things from your own life to help people understand.

We all want the feeling of authenticity and sharing about your own life’s experiences, failures, etc., will do just that.

Why should people listen to you about the subject? Give them a reason.

Your story about how you failed or made mistakes may cause some laugh and will show everyone that you are not perfect and can relate to them.

You might have good points and truth in your speech, but what moves people are your personal stories and what happened to you.

Explain your personal connection with the audience – figure out that common ground with them.

Share your own emotions and do not shy away from sharing your failures and weaknesses.

Establish a personal link with your listeners at the very beginning.

Use plain language when talking to your people, but never talk down to them.

Always make sure your audience can hear you.

4. Find your Humorous Voice

Telling jokes to an audience can be like a minefield, you do not know who you’re going to upset or offend and who you will make laugh. You must be cautious when telling a joke.

The first laugh a audience should receive is about the speaker himself. Never laugh at anybody before laughing at yourself first. Every laugh can help with a point

A laugh should come naturally out of the subject you’re speaking about.

Comedy helps relax your audience.

Use humor to focus on your theme not to distract from it.

Jokes can illuminate thoughts if used correctly.

Humor can illuminate your personality so make sure the jokes come from your personality.

Once you hear laughter, you know that they are with you for the rest of the time.

5. Make it a Story

Learn to compose a story.

There’s substance of speech and there are facts about the subject so research and do not just make things up.

Human brain is designed to remember stories. Facts are not necessarily memorable but you can make them attached to stories so that they will. If you do so, it will be easier for you to remember your speech easier for others to follow along and remember.

Decorate your speech with little antidotes.

When people asked Jesus about who their neighbor is, he responded by using a story – the good Samaritan.

A story should be personal, have details and be specific to follow along with.

The story will hold people’s interest and will also teach a great lesson.

You may sweat to find the perfect story for your speech, but it will be worth it.

Before you share the story, make sure they understand the point of the story so

they don’t get drowned in the story.

Include vivid details in the story.

Anticipate the audience’s questions and provide the answers within your speech. When you tell a story both you and can your audience can relax and you can look them in the eyes and they will follow you.

6. Use the Power of Three

Every story has three parts: introduction, body and conclusion.

Our minds were made to think in threes – 2 of something feels incomplete but 3 seems to satisfy the mind.

The conclusion of the speech should be a climax, not just a reference to what you said before.

Universal consciousness works in threes. Three tasks, three people, etc.

Construct your speech in three parts – intro, body, conclusion. Use adjectives

and other structures and threes.

There’s a power using groups of three.

7. Build a Logical Case

Build a logical case at the beginning and prove a point at the end. This works whether political, religious, business, etc.

Start with an axiom (a statement or proposition that is regarded as being established, accepted, or self-evidently true).

You do not want to insult an audience, be courteous and treat them with respect.

Prove that all of the information you’re presenting is something that you and your audience agree on.

Use logic so that people will buy into what you are talking about. If you do not prove that it is logical, people will not be with you on your subject.

Use clear, concise, but neutral reasoning when presenting your speech.

Avoid emotional and argumentative appeals.

Base your points on axiom, truths that everyone agrees on.

Focus on proving a single point, stay away from the fighting issues.

Be strong, clear about what you believe, but still be courteous.

Check and double-check that all of your facts are really true.

8. Paint Pictures in Words

Give people a picture or metaphor of what you’re talking about.

Images make you focus.

Use metaphors to help people.

Don’t mix your metaphors and make sure they are appropriate for the occasion.

Use Excitement and Dialogue in your speech.

It’s the mental pictures that you use that will help people understand and help people remember long after you quit talking.

9. Focus on your Audience

You have prepared your speech, now it is time to get out there and face the audience.

Address everyone in the audience.

Your tone is important.

Look for common ground with your listeners that will show you are interested in them.

Always be courteous, sympathetic, and mindful of their comfort.

10. Share a Vision

The speech needs a principal tone just as it needs a key thought.

Use I have a dream (Martin Luther King speech) as an example speech.

You want to motivate people as a result of sharing your vision with them.

Inspiration is sharing with others that which is inside of you.

By use a song lyric, a known quote, fact from history or truth that everybody believes, you can strengthen your speech.

Do not use negatives to try to create a positive.

Relentless positivism makes people want to be with you no matter what the speech is.

Alliterated repetitive-ism can be very useful.

Stir up a positive feelings in a people and send them away with a renewed outlook.

Maintain eye contact with your audience and maintain energy. Use pauses. You do not have to use your own words, you can bring in the best of others and it will make your speech more impactful.

11. Change Minds and Hearts

You may not be able to change other people’s opinions, but there are certain things that you could do to change their fundamental attitude. First connect on the level with the audience.

Learn to praise the people, but make it personal and sincere.

Use props to reinforce your speech — holding something up while you’re speaking is very powerful. But avoid passing something out while you’re speaking because it sidetracks.

Be courteous even speaking about your opponents and your audience may shift there thoughts towards yours.

Pace yourself to keep your audience with you when you are in a discussion.

Focus on concrete points not on abstractions.

12. Call for Positive Action

If you have a systematic way of structuring your speech and everyone knows it, change those patterns and switch things up. Break up with the element of surprise.

Repeat words or phrases.

Have a clear call of action at the end of your speech so that people will know exactly what you want them to do or how to feel.

No part of the speech can have a greater impact on the audience than the last words that you speak. So you must carefully craft your ending. You must think about the end of your speech.

Not only should your words be strong at the end of your speech, but you should deliver them strong.

Just like a diver cannot make a splash with the end of his feet or he will be subtracted points by the judge, so the last point of a speech must be crisp and clear to his audience without a messy splash.

People have waited for the speech, so for sake of your audience be crystal clear and finish strong.

Endings are more important in public speaking than beginnings.

Establish unity between you and the people – use more “we” and not so much “I” or “you”.

The Advantage

By Patrick Lencioni

– The greatest thing that any organization can achieve is organizational health.

– The health of an organization will determine size, financial ability and every other facet about an organization. Health is much more important than the name, talent or gain of an organization house.

– Organizational health does not require any great intelligence rather discipline, commitment and commonsense.

– Most people live on an adrenaline rush so it is very hard for them to get organized. But organizational health is like the old race car saying: you have to slowdown to go faster.

– The success of the company has little to do with how smart or how dumb one is, it has almost everything to do with how healthy they are.

– What does an organization have to do to become healthy:

1. Build a Cohesive Leadership Team

• If an organization is led by a team that is not cohesive, there’s no way it can be healthy.

• If a parent has spouse relationship problems, the family will probably have problems as well – and so it is with an organization.

• Teamwork at the very top is critical.

• Teamwork is not a virtue, it is a choice and a real one.

A. Trust – members of a cohesive team must trust each other.

Vulnerable enough to show weaknesses and tell the truth.

Personal history – Find out who every person really is.

Profiling – everyone has strengths and weaknesses and they must be determined.

If the leader is not going to be vulnerable, the team members will not be either.

B. The mastery of conflict – we cannot and should not run from conflict, we should learn to lead and accept healthy conflict.

Avoiding conflict can result in artificial harmony of the group or it can fester and bring bigger problems later.

• Keep each other accountable.

Not holding people accountable is selfishness – many times think we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but holding people accountable is the best thing we can do for them. Great leaders and great team players confront each other about things before it’s too late.

• Great leaders try to help everyone do their job to make the team better.

• The leadership team should be small enough to be effective.

• A cohesive team must have the teams best in mind, not just their own section.

2. Create Clarity

• Why do we exist? Understand the fundamental reason why your organization was founded and exist. If the company does not benefit people in some area, they will and should decease to exist.

• A purpose statement should be true, not just something that looks good on paper. Find out why the organization was started and for what purpose.

• How do we behave? How do we exist? What do we do?

• If you don’t say anything because you’re waiting for the perfect plan, people will become frustrated and fail.

• You must have a strategy.

• If everything is important, than nothing is.

• You must have goals and you must put priority on the goals – somethings are more important than others.

• The team must agree on what goals must be accomplished within a certain amount of time in order to be successful in the organization. For example: what must be accomplished in order to say that you did your job at the end of the year.

• If you can accomplish only one goal in the next nine months but what would it be?

• Without clarity of who does what on a team, little will be done and there will be a lot of inner fighting.

• Regardless of how clear written-out responsibilities are on the team, they should always be explained so that workers understand and have it clear in their mind.

3. Over-Communicate Clarity

• There’s no such thing as too much communication.

• Over communicate clarity – over and over and over and over again.

• Employers do not believe what is communicated to them until they have heard it 7 times. People in general are skeptical of what they hear unless they hear repeatedly.

• The message should be repeated for clarification and for emphasis. It should be given in a timely manner – not before someone runs out the door to leave or on break, etc. It needs to be done in person, not just through an email. • Can the employees easily articulate the goals and plans of the organization?

• If there’s not clarity in the leadership, there certainly will not be amongst the employees.

4. Reinforce Clarity

• Every process and every activity should be done to show the clarity.

• Hire the right people – it is a shame that the hiring process is taken so flippantly in many organizations.

• Orientation – the first week or month someone works at a job, they should learn the values and importance of the job.

• Feedback – employees should receive feedback in every area or they will never be able to perform as expected. Healthy organizations realize that in order for there employees to succeed, they must receive good and constant feedback.

• Compensation and re-wards – honoring those who excel in their jobs.

• Recognition – Direct and personal recognition. A leader who does not recognize his people for a job well done, might as well be telling them that they are not doing a good job.

• Meetings – You must have meetings to explain and discuss things.

A meeting should not have too much information and should not be too long.

– There are different types of meetings, but more meetings with the team is better than less meetings with the team. A daily meeting of 10 minutes, a weekly meeting and a monthly meeting are all important.

• If you can get away for a few days with the team, you can build cohesiveness amongst the team. Building a healthy team is like building a marriage, it’s not a one-time thing rather a constant working at it.

Sacred Marriage

by Gary Thomas

 

• If you get a good wife you’ll be happy, if you get a bad wife you’ll become a philosopher – Socrates.

• We can run from the challenges in marriage or we can face them.

• Marriage life calls us into a new commitment of responsibilities.

• There’s a lot of selfishness built in each of us that marriage will draw out.

• Your spouse cannot give you ultimate fulfillment, that must come from God. Yes you have wonderful times together and she makes you happy, but true fulfillment can only come from God.

• Marriage is temporary. Our relationship with God will outlive our relationship with our spouse. So a Christian marriage can find true fulfillment because both of the spouses know God.

• Only God can fulfill us ultimately. We are wrong to look into fulfillment with other humans because they cannot provide that, that comes from God.

• Spiritual growth is the main thing, good marriage will come as a result of it.

• Our first goal in marriage must be what pleases God. That takes away all selfish desires of what pleases me or what I want. So I must die to myself daily.

• Putting God first in marriage will allow you to see your wife in a different aspect.

• When our marriages do not please Christ, they will become roadblocks instead of examples of what the Christian life is about.

• The first reason to keep your marriage together is for Christ. It is your Christian duty well before any outward appearance or physical aspect.

• If just one reason a Christian should stay with their spouse, it is because Christ commands us.

• If a man does not love his wife, it is not his wife’s fault rather his. If he says he never loved his wife than he is admitting that he never acted like a Christian.

• Christ tells us that we are to love even our enemies. We are to love those that cannot pay us back or love us back – Luke 14.

• Marriage should be so much easier to love because God did not force us to get married, we chose to. So if we could not love our partner, how can we love others?

• Allow your marriage to stretch your love and make you a better Christian.

• To fail to love your wife in order to love others is a sham.

• I John 4:20-21 – if we cannot love our brother, we cannot say that we love God.

• You have to understand that your spouse to respect her and you have to respect her to love her.

• We all want to get respect, but we are supposed to give respect.

• You must be broken before you can fully understand.

• Honor not expressed is not honor.

• Respect is a spiritual discipline as well as an obligation I owe to my wife.

• A good marriage is not just knowing each other but first knowing God.

• If you want to be closer to God, you must learn to pray; and if you want to have your prayers heard, you must have the right relationship with your wife (I Peter 3:7).

• Our marriage conflicts are a hindrance to our prayers. God hates dissension (Proverbs 6:19) and when there are those dissensions in marriage, it affects more than just our marriage, it affects our relationship with our God. Dissension is a major prayer killer.

• Being in a marriage relationship shows me where I fall short.

• When marriage satisfaction pokes its head up, it’s time to get your own heart right on track.

• When we are unsatisfied in marriage, we don’t need to change our partner rather ourselves. We need to change and have the power to change.

• Sin will lead to self-destruction if we allow it to.

• Unresolved conflict leads to break-up and break-up leads to to severe pain.

• You must be careful about asking the dangerous question of “did I marry the right person”. Once you’re married, your spouse at that point is the right person.

• Most of the people that end their marriage do so because it is too tough – but suffering in hard times are part of the Christian life. We must learn to get through hard times and not give up on them.

• Struggles make us strong, but only when we work through them and not run from them.

• God does not save us from all our problems but he does help us through all our problems. Maybe it is time to get down on our knees and pray for his help. You have the opportunity to excel in character and Christian growth.

• A good marriage is not something that you find, it is something that you work for.

• You must learn to forgive and practice it.

• Don’t run from the struggles of marriage, embrace them. They can help you become a greater Christian if you seek God’s help because of them.

• We cannot control how our spouse acts or how the world acts, but we can control how we act and respond.

• Look at your marriage from a different perspective: am I learning? Is it causing me to grow? What does God want to teach me?

• Look at your marriage through the lens of eternity – how does that shape you more like our Savior.

• The average married couple only communicates about 27 minutes a week.

• Falls in our marriage are inevitable, but we can choose which way we want to fall – towards our spouse or away from our spouse. Decide that falls (struggles) will push you towards your spouse and not away from her.

• You have a Biblical obligation to draw closer to your spouse. Just as in the Christian life, not hating does not mean that you love, it may mean apathy… And so it is in a marriage. Do not be apathetic, grow closer towards your spouse.

• Marriage based on romanticism is based on selfishness, but marriage based on Jesus Christ is based with our eyes placed on him and dying to self.

• Because no one is without sin, the person you married will eventually hurt you. So we must learn to forgive.

• Forgiveness is a horribly difficult. It is not a choice of one time but a continual process.

• All of us face failures in marriage because we live with a person who fails just like we do. But we can turn that bitter juice into a sweet honey when we discipline ourselves in the Lord.

• Marriage can teach us to forgive.

• Marriage can teach us to serve.

• Christ loved the church by giving up his life for it – this is how a husband should love his wife.

• Sacrifice is not sacrifice unless it cost us something. What are we doing each day to sacrifice for our wives? What do we do that cost us something? Do we seek to emulate our Savior or want to be selfish and receive for ourselves?

• God has called you to the service of people whether they are worthy of your service or not. It’s not yours to determine if someone is worthy of your love and service or not. You love and serve because that is how you serve our God. God is always worthy to be obeyed — and serving your spouse is in obedience to God.

• The depth of marriage must be more than just lovers. You and your wife are brother and sister in Christ. That outlives the short time on this earth.

• We can train ourselves to desire what we want to desire.

• We must learn to control our tongue. There are two kinds of evils with the tongue:                                                 1) is speaking evil things and 2) not saying good things.

• Silence in marriage will only hurt your marriage.

• We love God so we listen to God. Love speaks and love listens. By our words, we draw further or closer to our God and to others.

• When our hearts grow cold towards God, other relationships suffer as well. Your wife can be literally your God-thermometer.

• Confession is good. Not because we have to confess to another human, but our confession makes us take whatever offense more seriously.

• Building a family is not a side occupation, it takes a enormous time, strength and effort.

• A Christian man might be tempted to neglect his marriage responsibilities for God’s work, but this is not right. We made a certain promise to our spouse when we got married. We cannot neglect the one we promised to and think that we are doing God’s work.

• It is one thing to do the right thing but is a whole other ordeal to do the right thing with the right spirit.

• It is true that marriage limits the things that we can do, but it also multiplies the effects that we can have.

• In marriage we must view ourselves as “we” instead of “I”.

• A selfish marriage is a hollow marriage.

• The love we have for God and the love we have for others are not two distinct things, they are two parts of the same thing.

• We should work on becoming holy individuals as well as a holy couple.