The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage
by Jim Daily
This is a compilation of different author’s opinions on marriage. It was put together by Focus on the Family.
An open heart is of big importance for a good marriage.
The heart of spouse must be open and will only open up when spouse feels safe.
True intimacy is open hearts.
Recognize your spouse’s value.
Write down a list of the reasons why you value your spouse, and then express it to your spouse. Write a list of “I love you because…”
A successful marriage requires you to fall in love with the same person over and over again.
- Keep your Commitment to your Commitment — Ken Blanchard Years from now you should love your spouse more than you do now. Remember your commitment.
Do you want your relationship to work? It’s a commitment if so. Marriage works when you have two “yes’” to that commitment.
You should be able to write down “What I love about you is…” and “Why I choose to spend the rest of my life with you is…”
- Make Love a Verb — Andy Stanley
Falling in love is easy but staying in love is hard.
When the going gets tough many just go.
We treat love like a noun, something that happened, not is happening. Love is
not a one time thing.
It takes a plan.
Falling in love requires only a heart beat but staying in love requires a commitment.
We know how to fall in love but most do not know how to stay in love.
Key to staying in love is respect, respect, respect.
We are to guard our hearts (Prov. 4:23)
Think before you speak.
Pay close attention to your heart.
We have fairy tale beliefs about marriage.
Believe the best, don’t think the worse.
Nothing speaks more of our Christian life like our marriage
3. My Heavenly Father-in-law — Gary Thomas
Your wife isn’t just your wife, she is God’s daughter.
Your marriage isn’t just about you, it’s about God. You can’t treat a girl wrong and
expect a father to be good with that.
I Peter 3:7
If someone was treating your kids bad, you wouldn’t be happy taking to that person.
God wants His children to be loved
We love because He first loved us.
Is how you treated your spouse last week the way you would want someone to treat your child?
4. Practice non-random Acts of Kindness — Paul & Teri Reisser
All of us are selfish creatures by nature and rather to be served than serve. Do small things to show love, whether making bed, changing toilet paper roll, making the coffee, etc.
be intentional about serving your spouse.
5. Lighten up and Laugh — Ted Cunningham
Laughter is a beautiful thing. You can’t stay mad at someone who makes you laugh and you can’t hate someone with whom you laugh. God wants you to enjoy marriage.
Life is a grime. Age, money or nothing else will get us out of the grime. Death is the only thing that ends the grime. But in the midst of the grime, we are to enjoy life. We can’t get out of the grime but we can choose joy during life.
Your wife was not put in your life to make life miserable, it can be enjoyable.
Proverbs 17:22. Go and enjoy life with your spouse.
6. Be your Partner’s Best Friend — Les & Leslie Parrot
It’s not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that kills a marriage.
70% of happiness in marriage could be attributed to friendship in marriage.
Friends choose to serve each other.
Study what makes your spouse laugh.
Add more laughter to your relationship.
Good friends protect each other. We all have bad moments but good friends have the other’s back.
We shouldn’t take for granted the friendship of our spouse.
- Communicate how much your Spouse Means to You — H.B. London Never go to bed mad at each other.
Deal with your issues as they happen or they’ll only get worse. Never assume
Most don’t know how to say what needs to be said.
We fail to express our love & we take each other for granted. Never, never stop listening
Affairs occur when a spouse doesn’t fulfill the needs of the other. Don’t avoid the real issues.
Hostility and criticism can kill your spouse’s love. Don’t make the other feel cheap or useless. Don’t give up
It takes a lifetime of commitment. Pray for your spouse.
Love that communicates is love that doesn’t fail.
- Stop, Drop and Roll — Dewey Wilson
What people see on the outside is not always what is on the inside.
Your marriage didn’t go south over night, but you can still turn it around.
Before change occurs, it must make sense.
- Stop — when you think of old thoughts or something that will only cause problems, stop! 2 Cor. 10:4 — we have power to stop those thoughts.
- Drop — to your knees in prayer asking God to help.
- Roll — change the negative thoughts, words or actions into positive ones.
Become a student of your spouse.
Your attitude will determine your response.
God wants to do a work in you so let him.
9. The Art of Affirmation — Joni Eareckson Tada
The Bible teaches that the tongue has incredible power. With your tongue, you can pull down or be the best cheerleader.
Commend your spouse when you see the good in them.
Practice affirmation. Those words are to your spouse what water is to your flowerbeds.
Write a note of encouragement or say something but your words can change the countenance and heart of your spouse.
- Ask Older Couples what Works for Them — Bill & Pam Farrel Get real advice by real people.
Conflict is normal for couples. Forgive quickly.
Three is better than two, Jesus can make you have a great marriage. Seek out marriage by older and experienced, good people.
- Nine Words that have Helped us Stay Married — Bob Waliszewski Determine there are certain things that you won’t say in marriage — divorce Failed expectations — life is not only about you
Differing view points — about little silly things
The marital reset button — walk or take time to breathe but don’t leave each other.
What works for us — decide that you will not You’re not always right.
Don’t keep score
Avoid the silent treatment
Stay away from words like “always” and “never”
Don’t threaten your spouse with divorce or separation.
- Grow as a Couple and as Individuals — Frank Pastore
The measure of a man’s ministry is his marriage.
God doesn’t call you to be a single servant rather to work together as a couple. You need friends that can help enrich your life and marriage. We need couples that we can learn from and fellowship with.
13. Putting Sex on the Calendar — Jill Savage
Plan and calendar sex and write it down in code. Doesn’t always have to be spontaneous.
It eliminates the asking or begging for sex.
It increases desire. The brain is the largest sexual component.
It increases anticipation. We can plan time together.
It allows for planning.
It helps couples prepare both mentally and physically.
It helps build trust.
While sex is good spontaneously, putting it on the calendar works as well.
4 The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage Book Review by Jeﬀrey Bush
14. Attitude is a Choice — Stormie Omartian
The Holy Spirit doesn’t make us have fruit, we have to choose to have fruit.
We choose our attitude.
You can decide not to be bitter, not get upset, etc.
15. Deliberately Seek the Lord – Phil & Heather Joel
Is the form of Christianity we live what it should be?
Decide to read the Bible and get close to the Lord. As you get close to the Lord,
you can and will grow in marriage.
Prayer changes everything.
Oneness in marriage with God is a decision and one that will change you and your marriage. It is the key.
As a man’s relationship is with God, so will the marriage be.
16. Believe your Spouse wants your Best – Jeff & Shaunti Feldhahn
When you grasp that your spouse wants the best for you will change your
marriage. If you think your spouse wants to hurt you, you will have a bad
Believing spouse wants the best for you will not only solve many problems but will also avoid many problems.
What do you assume about your spouse?
Replace your thoughts with positive ones. What can be a positive reason that you’re spouse did what he/she did? Take your thoughts captive. Decide and assume that your spouse wants the best for you. Learn the truth about your spouse.
Let your understanding change your marriage.
- The Power of Taking a Time-Out – Michael & Amy Smalley Learn to react instead of respond.
Reacting is launching out immediately upon our emotions; responding is thinking before you take action.
Taking a timeout is not just for kids. When you get upset, you should take a time out. Avoiding something is just walking away from it, but taking a timeout is getting away from each other to think through it and then return back later to discuss it.
When you get alone and pray about it, the Holy Spirit may reveal to you that your attitude or actions are not pleasing to Him.
- The Convicting Question that Changed our Marriage – Lee Strobel Ask yourself the question, how would you like to be married to you? Willpower does not change a man and time does not change man, only Christ changes men.
Matthew 7:1 – Look at your own faults instead of judging your spouse. Do not be conflict avoiders, become conflict facers.
Learn to listen – James 1:19