4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication
by Bento C. Leal III
– If you are like the average person, you want to have good relationships. Good relationship don’t come by accident, they come with work and overtime, and your communication will make your relationships much better.
– Empathy is an essential relationship ingredient.
• Empathy is to see from another persons point of view and put yourself in their shoes.
• Sympathy is to feel for someone or something, but empathy is to see from their point of view.
4 Empathic awareness skills:
Key One: Each person is unique, special and valuable.
– Fill your mind with positive self-talk instead of negative, it will come out.
– Your thoughts produce your actions.
– Recognize the dignity of others, they are worthy of respect.
– Each person is placed in our life for a specific reason. There’s something that we can learn from them and something that we can teach them.
– Each person has their strengths and weaknesses, their good things and quirks, but each person is unique, special and valuable.
– Each person has something that they can teach us and help us grow, so see them that way.
– Act loving and you will feel loving. You are more apt to act and then feel instead of trying to feel and then act.
– See everyone you come in contact with as a person that can help you grow in your love, patience, forgiveness and gratitude.
– To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may just be the world.
– Think of the positives in your relationship with that person.
Key Two: Most people do not listen to understand, they listen to reply.
– Much of communication is not verbal, it is eye contact, body language, etc.
– Because many people do not listen fully to the other person, they respond according to their assumption and not according to what the other person said.
– Listen to the feelings of the person and not only to the words. If you listen only to the words, you might miss something.
– Listening is really an active action.
– Interrupting when someone is speaking to finish their thoughts or give your advice will cause frustration.
– Let the person finish even if you think you know what they’re going to say. This will help and shows respect.
– Repeat back what the person said. This will avoid pitfalls and misunderstandings. It also shows that you think what the other person said was important enough to both listen and repeat back what was said.
– Connect with emotions and feelings by listening.
– Listen and don’t worry about offering advice.
– A sincere apology as an opener may be the exact thing needed to start a good conversation and have a good relationship.
– An apology works wonders to fix a relationship.
– If you are a fixer, you may cause your spouse or the other person to get hurt or frustrated.
– Don’t try to be a mind reader.
– Don’t filter what you hear.
– Don’t space out while they’re talking.
– Don’t advise when someone is talking.
– Don’t try to one-up the person with a story you have.
– Don’t rehearse your answer.
Key Three: How can I say something that will help and they will listen to.
– Clarify your thoughts before you speak — if you blurt, you hurt. Don’t blurt out before thinking through the best way to say it. Think before you speak.
– Don’t use “you” statements, use “I” statements.
– It’s not what you say but what people hear.
– Pause for the listeners response.
– Thank them for listening to you
– Expressing yourself when you’re upset will likely result in you say hurtful things.
Key Four: Empathic Dialogue
– Dialogue goes back and forth and involves both talking and listening.
– Empathic listening takes time but not near as long as fixing a relationship for not listening.
– Applaud, Admire and Appreciate others.
– Your relationships will only grow and improve as you grow and improve.