Category: Book Reviews

Running with the Giants

by John Maxwell

 

Just as Hebrews 12 tells us that there are a great cloud of witnesses around us, so we have people who encourage today. We can look at the lives of the path past and receive encouragement from them.

• Noah

His righteousness save humanity from extinction.

Five ways that we can make a difference:

• • We can make a difference for our family. Disobedience did not save just Noah, it saved all of his family – Genesis 7. Those closest to you benefit the most when you do right.
  • We can make a difference for God’s creation.
  • We can make a difference for future generations. Our actions can help those that come behind us. Earth’s inhabitants are still receiving the benefits because of Noah’s obedience.
  • We can make a difference for God. God is always looking for someone who will stand in the gap for him.
  • You can make a difference at any age. There are no limitations with God; not being out of money, education or anything difficult for Him. Noah was 600 years old when he entered into the ark.

Noah teaches us that it is ok to standalone, not to be afraid of it.

Noah teaches us not to be afraid of doing something for the first time. He had never seen rain nor had built a boat. Don’t allow the words “it has never been done” make you not serve God.

Noah teaches us that when we see a rainbow we should realize that one person can make a difference

• Esther

God has a place for you.

Esther grew up without living with her parents and in a foreign land. But she encourages us that no place is out of place when God is with you.

Mordecai’s word to her that she had come to the palace for such a time as this changed her.

Esther reminds us that there may be a period of time in which we do not understand God’s purpose for us, but still continue.

Esther teaches us that taking a risk is not so hard if God is on your side.

• Joseph

The time between the birth of a dream and when it happens could be a long time.

Joseph teaches us that we do not have to give up on a dream even if we did not start well. Joseph had his dream at 17 years old, but even though it did not go well with him he still continued. Many people have a dream and when it gets hard they give up.

Don’t give up on your dreams even when your family does not support it.

Don’t give up on your dream even if it is full of surprises. After Joseph had his dream, he was misunderstood, sold into slavery to, lied about, forgotten, etc.

Every time Joseph found himself in a give-up position, he realized the Lord was with him and that is what kept him going.

23 years had past from the time that Joseph had his dream until it was fulfilled. You never know what God’s timetable looks like.

When other people knock you down don’t complain because it does no good. Suffering in hard times can make you better.

Joseph teaches us that self-promotion can never replace divine promotion. The only advance that matters is the one that God gives.

God is the God of every perfect gift and fulfills dreams.

• Moses

Moses teaches us to live in the faith zone not the safe zone.

Moses had to overcome his past in order to move into the faith zone.

Moses ran to the desert and soon that desert become a safe place for him. He took a wife took a position in the family business. His life was set and safe.

Moses overcame the insecurity of his future. God spoke to Moses at the burning bush and told him to go back to Egypt. Moses felt totally incapable and began to show his insecurities. Moses raised many objections to God’s plan but God always had a response.

Moses teaches us that we do not naturally leave the safe zone. He did not want to leave each step and then after leaving became comfortable in the desert and did not want to leave there.

Growth begins when we leave the safe zone. Just because we do not want to do something does not mean that we should not do something.

If you want to grow, you may need to go.

Defeat tomorrow’s regrets by leaving the safe zone today.

• Rebecca

Give generously to others.

She was asked for water and gave it to the man and then gave water to his camels. She did not know that her generous that was to none else then Abrahams servant.

Giving water to a stranger is one thing, but to his camels that drink 20 gallons each is a whole other thing.

Sadly many individuals do only what they are required and nothing more. We want to do minimum effort and receive maximum payment.

You can’t be generous if you’re going to keep score.

You can’t go the 2nd mile unless you’re willing to go the 1st mile. If you’re not being generous now, you will not be so in the future.

Extra blessings result in extra effort.

When we give generously we can know that we will receive more than we ever deserved. We set the standard of what we will receive when we give. Give what you can, you have no idea what God is going to give you in return.

When we give, the impact of our giving will outlive us. What would our lives look like if Moses said I don’t do rivers or Noah said I don’t do boats or John the Baptist said I don’t do baptisms or Mary said I don’t do virgin births. Generous giving will outlive us.

• Abraham

Abraham was a friend of God.

Abraham teaches us that God always does the right thing, that God is always faithful.

It may take longer time than we anticipate for something to come to pass, but when God says something he keeps his promise.

Abraham became inpatient even after God had given him the promise.

God’s ways and sense of time is not like ours. God always does what is right and he always comes through.

God keeps his promise even if it seems absurd to us. God told Abraham he would have a child when he was 90 years old and Sarah laughed. How could this happen? Why did God wait so long?

God always does the right thing even if we question it. Abraham teaches us that God is not only righteous, but he is also right.

God always does the right thing even if we do not understand. God asked Abraham to kill his only son, why would he do that?

Abraham teaches us that perfection is not a prerequisite for God to work in our lives. Abraham teaches us that God’s blessings are not always merited.

God can take the ordinary extraordinary

• Nehemiah

No problem is too big that God cannot help.

We should ask for help before the problem is too big for us. When a problem is big, we should not get discouraged, we should get help.

We should get help when the problem becomes personal.

We should ask others for help after we have shared the problem with God. When Nehemiah heard of the problem, the first thing he did was talk to God. We should not carry the problems ourselves, talk to God.

We should ask others for help when we are willing to do our part. We should not try to take all of the load, but we should not try to get out of caring any of the load either.

We should ask others for help but we have a clear sense of the vision.

We should ask others for help when people repeatedly oppose us. Over and over others try to stop Nehemiah from his work. Motion causes friction. When God’s people try to move forward, the enemy attacks heavier.

It’s not always easy to ask for help, but don’t let fear or insecurities stop you from asking for help.

Not everyone will want to help, but some want to and will help. Sometimes we don’t need a miracle to do something, we just need others. We can run the race well, but we can not do it alone.

We are not meant to run this race alone.

• The servant of the house of Naaman

One small act can make all the difference.

The Bible only mentions her once, but this little girl spoke up about her God and what could be done while everyone else was in fear.

Naaman was a mighty man, everyone knew the man and he was very powerful, but this girl was not afraid to speak up. She spoke as if she did not fear although this could’ve got her in trouble. She could’ve played it safe and kept her mouth shut, but she did not.

She acted even though she was small. Many times we disregard what we can do because of personal limitations. She was a young girl in a masculine society, she was a child, she was a servant and she was a foreigner, but this did not stop her. She acted even though what she could do was small. They had tried everything to heal him undoubtedly, what could she say that would change their mind. She could not heal him, she could only suggest, but she did not let the insignificance of that stop her.

She acted even though the stakes were not small. He could have punished her harshly for speaking.

One small person doing one little act changed his life.

Not only was his skin changed, his faith was changed as well.

If you want to make a difference, have confidence – she believed that the man of God in her country could heal him.

If you want to make a difference, be credible – she was a servant but evidently did a good job or they would not have listen to her. People look more at your life than they listen to your words.

If you want to make a big difference, speak to people’s need – when people can’t help, help them.

If you want to make a difference, do something no matter how small it is

• King David

His father did not see his potential – even when the man of God came, he left David in the field assuming because most likely, he probably assumed, David would not be the chosen one.

David’s brothers did not think he had potential – David went to visit them at the battlefield, they tried to shut him up.

King Saul did not think that he had to potential – Saul said he could not go because he was just a youth and Goliath was a warrior from his youth.

Goliath did not believe that David had potential – when he came out against him, Goliath laughed and mocked him.

David did not let all of these obstacles stop him.

David teaches us that limitations do not stop us unless we let them. David realized he had the most potential because he had God potential.

David teaches us that we do not need to try to be someone else – when Saul gave him his armor, David said he could not use it and went to battle with what he had.

David teaches us to focus on what we can do with God not what we cannot do.

• Jonathan

Jonathan was a kingmaker. Jonathan did not put David down, he lifted him up and strengthened him. His father, Saul, wanted to kill David.

Jonathan saw the big picture. Instead of wanting the kingdom for himself, he saw David with potential and worked at helping him.

Jonathan knew that helping David would further the kingdom more than anything else.

Jonathan gave up his own desires and visions of the throne in order to help someone else.

Jonathan teaches us the only when we see the important thing will we do the unimportant thing. Jonathan served David

Remember, it takes a lot of kingmakers to make a king.

You must decide with people if you’re going to help them or hurt them. What would have happened if Saul would’ve helped David, but he did not… yet Jonathan did.

As a supporter, you share in your leader’s success. As Jonathan helped his friend David, he served God. You do not have to be on the front lines in order to make an impact, you can do it right where you are by helping someone else.

The greatest need leaders lack is to have a Jonathan beside him. We do not have to wait in order to help others, we can do it right now.

Outliers

by Malcolm Gladwell

 

• This book is about outliers, people who stand out exceptionally well from everyone else. But the book proves that these “geniuses” do not standout as a result of their own talent, ability or knowledge.

• So the people who stand out that we think are the greatest, are really ordinary people who have had circumstances, environments and legacies that have played a big part in getting them to where they are.

• Being at the right place at the right time and with the right advantages around you can change everything.
• Outliers are people who do things out of the ordinary.
• People don’t rise from nothing, they are the beneficiaries of parents and others working in investing in their lives.
• It is not a question of what successful people are like rather what makes them succeed.
• Success many times comes from those with more advantage.
• Student who play instruments better than others have practiced more hours than others.
• In a study they found that elite music performers practice over 10,000 hours whereas the good performers practice 8,000 hours and the mediocre performers only practiced 4,000 hours.

• It was said that the big difference for those good enough to get into the famous school of music was how much they practiced – the good practiced a lot, but the best practiced much much more.

• It is said that 10,000 hours is the magical number for those who want to be an expert in any area. And in study after study of sports players, musicians, chess players, master criminals, etc., this number comes up again and again confirming it’s validity.

• This number is equivalent to three hours a day for 20 hours a week over a course of 10 years.

• At one point, Bill Gates was going so much to the computer lab when he was young (from 13 years old on) that he spent 1500 hrs in a short amount of time, equaling out to eight hours a day. From 8th grade to the end of high school, he spent so many hours in the computer lab, that he became very good at it. You must realize that he was sent to an elite school. The school had the opportunity to have a computer when computers were not even around much at all. And the school had funds that were raised specifically for keeping the computer going and updated. Bill Gates had an advantage that others did not. So when he started his own software company, he had well over 10,000 hours of working on computers.

• The Beatles, Bill Gates so many other outliers did not only have talent, they have the good fortune of being in a position they can spend hours upon hours learning about working in areas that other people did not have.

• What set the Beatles apart from other rock bands was the amount of hours that they had played together and practiced.
• A child’s background has much to do with his life. Wealthier children’s parents usually have them involved in sports teams, extra music classes, special special education classes, etc. These are all opportunities that poorer children do not have.

• Poorer parents tell their children to be submissive and not challenge authority while richer parents teach their children to interact with and challenge authority in order to learn more.

• No one ever makes it on their own, no one.
• Successful people do not do it on their own, where they come from matters.
• Hard work and determination are very important, but the timing and opportunities must be right. Many Successful people have worked hard and are very talented, but they came to the right spot at the right time.

• Hard work is only a prison sentence if it does not have any meaning.
• A study on education amongst poor children and wealthy children are on about the same level when they begin school at a young age. But after summer, the wealthier children did many times better because during the summer break their parents enrolled them in educational opportunities and supplied books to read but the poorer kids didn’t have those opportunities.

• Many Asian countries have a higher education level than western society, specifically in math. Whereas a western society usually study around 160 days of school in a year, the Asian countries have some 260+ school days in a year.

• In Jamaica just a short time ago, the lighter colored Jamaicans made up the majority of lawyers whereas the darker skinned only made up 5% – their background and who their parents were gave them more of an opportunity than their education ever could have.

• So many people are not where they are because of their own doings, it is a matter of inheritance, opportunities, race, status and background that have played a vital part in getting them to where they are.

• So the “outliers” (those geniuses that stand out above everyone else) are not an really outliers at all.

Making Children Mind without Losing Yours

by Dr. Kevin Leman

• Step up to the plate parents and do your job. It is not the communities or governments responsibility to be a parent, it is yours.

• You will never be a perfect parent, but you can be a good parent.

• For discipline to work, a child must first be loved.

• Establish authority – God has given you as the parents the authority to raise the children. Kids need parents to be parents. If you do not establish your parental roll, no one else will – not the schools, not the government, not society, etc.

• Hold your children accountable for their actions. There are consequences for actions, some positive and some negative. Do not bail kids out of every mess they get into. Teach them and show them that their actions matter.

• Look for teachable moments when you can allow reality to teach lessons. You do not have to be scared of or run from reality, they could be lesson times. Your home should be a place where your kids can fail but still learn.

• Teach more with actions than with words. Your kids can probably say what you’re thinking better than you can say it – “don’t make me say this again”, “don’t be late”, etc. – but quit repeating and start doing.

• Stick to your guns, but don’t shoot yourself in the foot. When you say you’re going to do something, follow through.

• Relationship comes before rules. Rules find their true value when there’s a relationship that backs it up. Rules without relationships will lead to rebellion. You cannot just have a list of rules and expect for everything to happen, you must be there for them and have a relationship with them.
• Live by your values. Society is teaching our kids… and they are very bad example. Kids are watching, so live in the right way, live what you believe. When the attractive person of the opposite sex walks by you, what will your kids see you do? When someone cuts you off in traffic, what will your kids see you do?
• When parents don’t step up: kids running around, cussing like sailors, misbehaving, stealing, throwing temper tantrum’s, etc. Where are their parents? The kids might be thinking the same thing.

• Take the job of being a parent serious. Don’t leave it to the schools, neighbors, society or others.

• Every rebellious act is a plea. Kids want to be treated like you are their parents, so do not ignore or neglect that.

• Don’t let the experts raise your kids for you – you don’t want that and they really don’t know how to do it. It is not as difficult as they make it seem, just decide to take the job and become a parent.

• The stronger that you are as a husband and wife, the better parent you will be.

• Children that are given love without discipline are often disrespectful or too dependent.

• If you want disaster and chaos in your life, do everything for your child. Give them a chance to stand on their own 2 feet, to learn responsibility and to learn accountability.

• Home should be a place where children can try out and even fail in areas.

• Authoritarian parents hinder their children because they do not let them make mistakes or think for themselves.

• Permissive parents do their child a disservice by not teaching them or just caving into them. Love is not giving children everything they want.

• Parents should give of themselves to their children instead of giving things. Your children do not need money, toys or things, they need you as a parent. Kids need of your time. Don’t worry so much about the quality of the time, give them all of the time that you can.

• Be honest with your children as soon as possible. Some parents don’t think that children need to hear the truth, but they do, they’re not too young to hear the truth.

• When you give children the truth, they will respect it because you’re giving insight to your life and they see that you are not perfect.
• Be careful with reward giving. If children only do things because you pay them or because you are going to give them something, then you are hurting them in the long run.
• Love based on performance is conditional love. We do not love our children because of what they can do or should do.

• Our children need to know that they are loved regardless of how they perform. We must love without any if’s, and’s or but’s.

• There’s a difference between punishment and discipline – discipline is based on love and punishment is based on bad performance.

• The perfect example of discipline is our Lord Jesus. He never hit his disciples over the head or screamed or yelled at them.

• We misuse the Proverb that teaches about the rod. The rod is what the shepherd used to guide his sheep, not beat them over the head. Psalm 23 teaches us that his rod and staff lead and guide us, not beat us.

• Training up a child takes time. We train up our children more by our actions than our words.

• Teach responsibility. Chores, allowance, etc. It should be understood that allowance is not only for a chore, that’s still their responsibility. An allowance should provide a lesson on how to spend and save money (giving to God, saving and spending).

• The training ground should be the home. Teach responsibility and accountability. Children should learn at home so they are prepared for later in life.

• Pull out the rug. Sometimes it is important for the parents to make a decision and show where authority lies. Pulling out the rug on plans doesn’t sound very nice, but it might be just what children need to know, that mom and dad are still in charge.

• There are right and wrong ways to spank a child; the key is to be in charge of your own emotions. Spanking must be done in love. There should be a follow up time, things said and done after the child receives a spanking. Both the parent and the child can learn from the situation. Let the child know that you love him or her. The key to spanking is doing it with love.

• See your children as a gift from God, not as a tax break, slaves or burden.

• When talking or with your children, make sure to look them in the eyes.

• Physical contact to show love is important for a child – Putting your hand on the shoulder, sitting close together, a hug, etc. all speak love to a child.
• Respond to your children – get down on their level, take time and respond to them. Do not ignore them.
• Spend time with your children. Pray, walk, play, shop and make memories with them. Games, picnic, zoo, park, etc. Use your time wisely and spend it with your children.

• Spend time with your children now and they will listen to you later in life.

• While spanking is one of the forms of discipline, it should not be the first.

• Let a child learn to make choices by their self – maybe with clothes to wear or get rid of, etc. This will show that you respect them and intern they will respect you for it.

• Don’t demand respect, earn it. You can demand respect, but that is temporary and not real. You cannot cook up respect in a microwave, it takes time. But start earning respect now and later your children will respect your opinions.

• It is never easy to discipline your children and it takes courage, but it pays off.

• Erroneous ideas that a “super Parent” thinks he has:

• • I am in charge – no, our children belong to Lord and He has loaned them to us.

• • I am the judge and jury – the only judge is God himself and He is the one who would judge one day. Parents are not infallible.

• • My children can’t fail – Yes our children can fail and they should fail in order to learn. If we have an attitude that they can never fail, they will perceive our love as performance-based love.

• • I am boss, and I say what goes – In reality God is the boss and we are only managers. The super parent idea thinks that we have everything under control. Some parents try to decide what job their child will have, where they will go to school, career they will have, and even who they will marry. This control will cause much heart ache.

• Every family has problems and denying that will only make it worse. It is not so much if we have problems as much as it is how we handle those problems.

• How do I teach my children about God and to use their lives for Him? Children must see our actions and not our mere words. Yes we are human and mess up, but that is no reason to be hypocritical.

• Pray with our children – Children should not hear us thanking God for our perfection rather asking God to help us in our weakness. Be open before God and before children. Prayer time can be one of the most precious times of the day. Hold your children during prayer time, take time, open your heart and stay away from memorized prayers that have very little meaning.
• Always keep short accounts. The child should be forgiven and the parent should talk to the children about the situation.
• A parent should use their natural ally, which is natural consequences. They reap what they sow so let them learn lessons by natural consequences. The parents can use these times as teaching points. Teach that life doesn’t always give a 2nd chance.

• Remorse is good but it is not enough. Children still need to suffer the consequences for what they’ve done. Remorse sometimes can be used as a manipulative tool by children. Remorse is good, but it is not enough.

• Never force your children into submission. Remember that the shepherds rod was to guide him not beat him.

• Consequence should be fit for the offense.

• Let your kids know that they are good and loved, even though they do not always act like it or obey.

• When you get married, there are actually six people getting married – you and your spouse along with her parents and your parents. Your spouse has been raised a certain way, has a set of thoughts about discipline, fun and family.

• Talk to your children about their fears. Never make fun of them or belittle them. Share how you have been afraid at different times in life and help them through their fears.

• Be careful with TV. There’s so many bad things on TV, but many times it is not what is portrayed on rather what is not portrayed on TV that makes it bad. Faithfulness, masculinity and other important characteristics are not portrayed on TV.

• Limit the time your children watch TV. Make sure they finish homework, chores and whatever else before watching TV.

• Know what they are watching on TV, Select the programs they can watch.

• When on the road instead of letting children watch TV the entire time you can do other things: bring some games, take a recorder so they can record themselves, Color forms (plastic stickers that you can put on your window that are easily taken off), etc.
• Should I get angry? The answer is yes. But get angry at the right things and respond correctly with your anger.
• Comfort. If your children get bad grades or do something that you disapprove of, let them know what or how to do better, but that you still love him/her. Your love for them will never change. Physical touch can be very comforting for a child.

 

• 8 Rules of Communication with your children:

• • Think before you speak

• • Stress the positive – make the positive things a second nature to your conversation.

• • When you have to deal with the negative, do it in a positive matter of fact way

• • Take time with your child – each week, each individual child. Is a lot but worth it.

• • You don’t always have to like what your child does, but always communicate that you love them.

• • When you feel you blow it with your children, ask their forgiveness – 1st you will get forgiveness from your children and 2nd you will model forgiveness for your children.

• • Keep in mind that results are not always the best in the long run.

• • Ask for God’s guidance daily, in your own life and your child’s

• Love. Loving your children and expressing it is super important. To show them love: discipline them when needed, verbally express it daily and physical touch (hug, etc.)

• Nagging. Teach your children that what you say the first time is important, you do not need to continue saying it until you get mad. Say it once and if not heeded to than the needed discipline will happen.

• Children not only want to be a part of your family but they need to be a part of your family. Love them, enjoy them and discipline them – but remember that discipline is not something that you do rather the way that you live.

Keys to Positive Thinking

By Napoleon Hill

Thought is a guide to action

Negative thinking fills people with fear and doubt

We become what we think about most of the time

By changing the inner attitudes of your mind, you could change the outer aspects of your life

PMA – Positive mental attitude

You are a mind with a body, not the other way around. So if your mind controls things you must get your mind in the right spots

Your attitude is your feeling about yourself and that around you

PMA will help you in moments of storms in your life. People that cannot handle the storms of life become sick, miserable and discouraged.

If you can’t control your phone motion, you can control your destiny

Take control of your own mind with conviction

We become what we think of the majority of the time

Millions of brain cells, and all of them are under your control

When something happens, learn to accept it and fix the situation.

You cannot change the past or the future.

Dwelling on negative thoughts of situations and of others will only make things worse.

Let your discouragements and disappointments inspire you to do something better.

Every adversity carries within it a seed of possibility

Yesterday is gone forever, today is already a reality, but tomorrow is a brand-new possibility

PMA does not ignore situations rather makes you focus on the good results that come out of these bad choices.

You have to acknowledge that there’s a problem, but the key is to find the solution.

PMA forces you to focus on finding solutions. When you make it a habit of finding a solution, it will help improve you.

Losers envision the consequences of failures and winners and visualize the rewards for success

Ps 139:14

Do not just try to throw out negative responses but replace it with positive reminders.

If you wallow around in the mud of negative thinking, it will become very obvious to others.

If you have to worry, worry positively.

Try to accept people as they are instead of wishing they were more like you would want them to be.

Look for the good in others and learn to like people.

Live the golden rule

Proverbs 10:12

If you are happy, you can make other people happy.

Remember that you will translate into physical actions the thoughts that you are dwelling on.

Feed yourself positive solutions.

We become what we think about

Your conscious mind will begin to live what your subconscious mind feeds it

Suggestion is everything around you connects with your five senses throughout a day and will affect you. So make sure that you are around the right atmosphere, hearing the right things, being with the right people, etc.

Self-suggestion is what you feed yourself. Use mental pictures and thoughts to feed you on the right stuff. By building up the right thought patterns, you are feeding your self with nourishing material.

Autosuggestion is what you think about and what you feed yourself now becomes natural responses in life.

What are you going to do today to feed your senses positive nourishment?

Use your power to pray

It is up to you to decide what you want out of life. Once you know, set your mind to it and work for it.

Write your goals on a sheet of paper. Visualize yourself achieving those goals.

To accomplish your goals, you must DESIRE:

D – determine

E – evaluate

S – set (date)

I – identify (plan)

R – repeat (repeat your goal and plan)

E – each day

Those who try achieve success.

The difference between misery, frustration, success and happiness is having a positive attitude.

Your attitude is one of the few things that you have completely control over.

Learn to laugh this releases tension.

Learn to smile. You can help others with your attitude.

By responding with gentle words when there is a problem or something goes wrong, this shows strong mental control. You do not have to get mad, lose control or curse with anger and frustration. Keep a positive attitude.

Everyone experiences negative thoughts, but the successful person will counteract those negative thoughts.

If you get into action even when you have fear, this emotion will be neutralized.

When someone has something negative to say about another person, you should stop them and have them say five positive things about the person before he says the negative. That should also be put into practice with the negative thought you have.  Before dwelling on a negative thought, speak in your head five positive thoughts and then proceed with the negative afterwards.

If you make the effort to be happy yourself, the people around you will be happy as well.

You can change things from negative to positive with just your attitude.

If Only He Knew

by Gary Smalley

 

• Two reasons why many marriages fail:

• • Expectations – we think that marriage should look like a romance novel or that our spouse will always give us whatever we want, etc.

• • Difference – men and women are different. They have different goals, different emotions, different desires, etc. We don’t understand each other because we are different. Physically (on average, while men have 40% of their body made of muscle, women have 23%), sexually, relationally, emotionally, etc. Men and women are very different from each other.

• We all change over time, whether hair, physical, mental, political views or in other areas, so we must base our marriage on unchangeable qualities.

• Our ability to love is based on our maturity.

• Who’s the best person to teach you on how to love and comfort your wife? It’s not me as the author nor is it you, it is your wife. So ask her and learn from her.

• Give her your shoulder, not your mouth – criticism, sarcasm, fixing it, or commenting about it, will many times only lead into bigger problems.

• One of the wife’s greatest needs is tenderness, not lectures.

• Ask your wife how you can help her and what you can do to comfort her. Practice practice practice

• Listen to your wife with your 3rd ear – figure out what she is trying to say when she speaks or doesn’t speak. What is her emotional thought right now.

• When your wife is stressed: rest, massage to relax muscles, get out and exercise, etc.

• Sex is a barometer of marriage; if the bedroom is hot, you will have a good marriage.
• Sex is so much more than the physical aspect; it is mental, physical, emotional, and more. That’s why sex can become better after many years of marriage.
• If you as a husband you are unhappy, it is 100% your fault. You have unreal expectations for what you want out of your marriage or from your wife.

• You cannot change your wife going “head to head” with her, you must allow God to change her.

• Quit trying to work on your wife and work on yourself. You are the only person that you can change.

• Women need time to prepare before sex – emotionally and physically. A man is like a microwave and a woman is like a crockpot. If you hurt her feelings she may still be hurt when the man is already over it and wants sex.

• Women have a need for appreciation. When was the last time you praised your wife? Criticism will hurt your wife much deeper than you realize. Instead of saying she did not make a sandwich the way you like it, why not turn it around and thank her.

• A woman could not resist praise and appreciation.

• Criticism devastates a person — Proverbs 15:1-4.

• Everyone loves praise and appreciation. With appreciation, children become happier, students become smarter, athletes play harder, and your marriage will become better. Learn to appreciate and praise your wife.

• Just as you would never want to go on vacation with a boss or friend that always criticizes you, neither will your wife joy spending time with you or want to go somewhere with you if you always criticize and correct her.

• What kind of praise would you enjoy receiving from your boss at work? Well try that praise with your wife and it will encourage her just like it would and does you.

• Never bring attention to you’re wife about her negative flaws —weight, gray hair, etc. It does not help anything and only hurts her.

• If you learn to praise your wife genuinely, specifically and consistently, you will see the great change in your marriage.

• The key to listening is repeating back to your wife what you think she is saying – she will correct it if you’re misunderstanding and that way you could know her feelings.

• Most men believe that if they listen to their wife’s suggestions than they are not the leader in the house… but that is false.

• Learn to accept criticism and correction; it will make you a wiser person.

• A wife loves a husband who admits when he’s wrong.

• When you hurt your wife, she draws back mentally, physically and emotionally. But when you ask genuine forgiveness and are willing to learn, she will open back up.

• You can cherish your wife by protecting her. Protect her not only physically but emotionally as well. Find the things that make her afraid or that stress her out and take those things off of her plate

• A husband should understand his wife’s fears and limitations.

• Understand your wife’s goals and help her achieve them.

• Learn to pinpoint your wife’s needs, fears and limitations.

• Stress will take a very big toll on your marriage. Learn how to detect and remove stress from your wife. Also learn to ask your wife about what stresses her out. Take the stress out and have a better marriage.

• When there is a big decision that will affect all of the family, list the pros and cons for your marriage and family. For example, if you’re moving jobs or houses, etc., than show your wife how this new place will be better or harder on your family… you both need to be involved for the good of your marriage.

• We forget that a husband is commanded to submit to his wife (Ephesians 5:21) before the wife is commanded to submit (Ephesians 5:22).

• Family outings is one of the greatest ways to spend time together as a family.

• Belittling suggestions have never changed anyone… and are the cause of many divorces.

• The more you talk about wanting your wife to change, the less probability that she will change.

• Here’s how you can change your wife, and yourself as well:

• • Change your attitude. Admit that you need to change.

• • My happiness is my responsibility. I cannot change anyone but myself.

• • When you quit trying to change your wife and begin changing yourself, but she will change and your marriage will become better.
  • Share your feelings and said demanding how she should feel.

• • Wait if you are set.

• • Convey a loving attitude.

• • Empathy is seeing another persons point of view. Can you see that from her point of view? I don’t see you statements.
  • Avoid the adjectives for you, always, I told you so, never come etc.

• The lion can roar and growl but it takes a real man to say something tenderly and nicely.

• You do not have to solve the problem in just one conversation, learn to listen and understand.

• Never assume you have a good or perfect marriage; always be working at it.

• Never, never, never give up working on your marriage.

How to Re-spark & Keep Chemistry in your Relationship Forever

by Leil Lowndes

 

• If you’re going to stay together all of your life, you have to have commonalities, or your areas and what you agree that are similar in. Ask your spouse about what it means to be together in their opinion. Find the similarities and quit arguing about the differences.

• Learn to read your partner’s feelings.

• Girls emotions are more linguistic, tied to their tongue and they want to talk about it. A man’s is tied to his physical so he wants to fight or do something about it.

• Studies say that the spark or feeling of spouse’s touch goes away after 18 months to 2 years. So you have to keep the spark growing.

• Learn to touch even when you’re not having sex. Touch is very important.

• Hold hands. Little kisses. Hand on shoulder.

• When you first marry, excitement, passion and chemistry is all working in your favor, but as time goes by you have to work at it.

• You may think there’s no time, but when you were dating or before you got married, you made time for fun – you must do the same now.

• We will spend a lot more on divorce papers than you could ever spend on babysitters, dinners and dates.

• Think of all the fun things that you used to do and make a new bucket list to do now.

• Laughing is another way to say I love you. Laughing with each other expresses joy of being together. When laughing, your body tells your mind that you’re happy and your mate will believe that you are happy to be with him or her.

• Dopamine diminishes as time goes by but your creativity, laughing, touching and enjoying time together can make the dopamine rise.
• Sex works as a fire extinguisher for many problems in marriage.
• Say what your spouse needs to hear – you still love her, she is still beautiful, you need her, etc. Everyone has something they need to hear.

• The author did a search online of “tell me why he doesn’t love me?” and there were 110 million hits, women that were searching info about that. But there was nothing about a man asking why a woman doesn’t love him.

How to Connect in Business in 90 Seconds or Less

by Nicholas Boothman

 

• Some experts have said that 15% of your financial success comes from your skills and knowledge while 85% of your financial success comes from your ability to relate to people and engender trust and respect.

• The better you are at relating to people the better chance you will have in becoming a success.

• First impressions set the tone for success more than class, credentials, education or what you paid for lunch.

• We usually decide within the first two seconds of meeting someone how we will reply to him or her.

• When people like you, they think and see the best in you; when they do not like you they think and see the worse in you.

• It’s all in the imagination, capture a person’s imagination and you capture their heart.

• When you meet someone, look them in the eye and smile.

• • The easiest and quickest way to connect with someone is to look at them in the eye and smile – it shows that you are interested and honored to be with them.

• • Eye contact is extremely important when talking to someone. It answers the question if you’re interested in the person, if you like what they are saying, and if you are sincere. Eye contact radiates authority.

• • Smile is a way of saying that you’re putting your best foot forward and you’re confident.

• When you want them to feel like they have already known you, be like a Chameleon.

• • Mimic the person that you’re talking to – how they’re standing, how they look, etc. It says “we are like each other” and “we have things in common”. Show tension when they show tension and relax when they relax.

• • We like people that are like us. So smile with a smile, sit like they sit and act like they act if you are trying to connect with someone.

• • When you like someone you are saying you are like someone. Synchronize with them, become like them and you will connect with them.

• • Learn to adapt yourself to the person and situation.

• Capture the imagination and you have captured the heart.

• • You can talk with someone’s imagination to trigger hunger, need, want, etc. The imaginations is where the emotions are.

• • What do you think will get you further, aggravation or cooperation? To get what you want from others, they have to want to help you. They’re only six ways you can get people to do things for you: by law, by emotional force, by physical force, by money, by physical beauty or by persuasion. Persuasion is the most effective and is much better. Persuasion gets faster results, is cheaper, and better.

• • In order for persuasion to be possible, you need trust, logic and emotion. To be persuasive you must communicate all of that and do it quickly.

• • KFC – Know what you’re wanting, Find out what you’re getting and Change what you’re doing in order to get it.

• • Every time you speak to a stranger, that person decides whether to run, fight or stay.

• • You’ve heard people say, “I liked him from the first time I met him”. How can this be? When you like someone, everything changes. When you like someone there’s nothing they can do wrong and when you dislike someone there’s hardly nothing they can do right.

• • Nonverbal impact is very important. At first glance, does the person look interesting or dull? Talkative or silent? Friendly or reserved? Excited or a quitter? Adventurous or careful? All of us have signals through our body language that make others judge us, whether it is right or wrong.

• Before you meet someone, ask yourself what you want. Dress appropriately. Make sure there is nothing in your hands. Put on a smile. Look them straight in the eyes.

• When someone has our trust, we are willing to open up more and listen.

• Three useful attitudes that all successful leaders have in common: enthusiasm, curiosity and humility.

• • • Enthusiasm comes from the Greek word meaning God flowing through. People like those who are enthusiastic.

• • • Stay curious show me a person who is trying to learn more and grow and I will show you a person who is succeeding.

• • • Humility – most big leaders have a big ego even though they hide it well with a public front. But humility can be consciously chosen.

• Work your ABC – attitude, body language, confidence.

• • Attitude – people will or will not talk to you because of your attitude. We align ourselves with other people’s attitudes, we like them or dislike them because of it.

• • Body language – stand in front of the mirror and act as if you’re brave, say “you drive me crazy” and look at how your body languages. Do the same exercise acting angry, happy, humble, and calm. Your body language changes.

• There are two types of body language: open and closed. Open says you are open for business and closed says get away I’m not interested.

• • • • Open for business is good posture, standing for someone, leaning forward, relaxed.

• • • • Closed body language is the opposite, hands  crossed, fist clenched, etc.
      • When you synchronize your body language to that of another, openness happens. This is the fastest way to build trust with another person. Synchronize your tone and body language. It signifies “I’m with you”, “I’m on the same page”.

• • When the three V’s (visual, vocal and verbal), it means we are being congruent. When you are congruent, your relationships become better. Use your body and your language to show that you’re interested – lean forward, moving to the side, nod your head, and smile, just make sure to give feedback and respond.

• • Well given feedback proves to someone that you’re paying attention and that what they’re saying is important.
• Confidence – give your contact a cause and you will probably get what you want. For example, if you extend your right hand, the other person will extend their hand to shake it as well – it’s an automatic reaction. Give the person the cause and he/she will respond.

• Everyone uses their senses to communicate – some rely more on touch, some rely on seeing and others on hearing. If you will you use whatever the person you’re talking to relies on, you will get much further. Visual people will let you know they like visuals because they talk about how they see things. Auditory people are usually choose different tones to talk to, others will rely on listening.

• Business is about getting your ideas across to other people. Learning to motivate and help other other people see things.

• Four types of people needed in the business: dreamers, analyzers, controllers and persuaders.

• Tapping into people’s values is what will make them want to work or not work.

• Open – this is the greeting. Stand up when someone walks in. Greet them

• Eyes – eye contact is important. Be the first one to look them in the eye.

• Smile – a great smile shows you’re confident and happy.

• Speak – first want to say hello talk.

• Sink – begin immediately imitating the person’s body language.

Becoming a Person of Influence

By John Maxwell

 

• Everyone is an influencer of people no matter who you are. You don’t have to be the highest position to influence others, if you simply have contact with other people, you can influence others.

• Without influence, there is no success.

• A parent has to influence his children in a positive way; a pastor must be able to influence his people in a positive way in order to grow the church; a coach must influence his players in order to have a good team; and a manager must influence his employees or customers in order to make good sales.

Modeling – the first step of influence is modeling it; people do what people see.

Motivation – this is the second level of influence. You must be up close and personal to motivate someone. If people feel good about you and themselves when you’re with them, it will increase your influence and potential.

Mentoring – this is the third level of influencing and has to do with pouring your life into someone else.

Multiplication – this is the fourth and highest level. You help those who you’re influencing to do more as a result of your help and influence. Although few people ever make it to this level of influence, all of us have the potential to do so.

• A Person of Influence has Integrity with People

• • You don’t want to give away or sell your integrity for any price.
  • You can cut corners and no one will know, but it’s better to have a clear conscience than merely getting by with something.

• • Politicians are caught doing illegal actions, professional sports players are caught with drugs, pastors are caught in adultery, and the list can go on.

• • Character is made over time.
  • Character flaws are not made in dark times, they are revealed in dark times.
  • When Lincoln was in office he said that when he leaves the office he wants to be friends with mainly one person and that is himself – his integrity was important to him.

• • Integrity is your best friend.
  • Integrity is also your friend’s best friend. Doing right is best for you and others.

• • Trust is the bottom line of integrity and trust is a glue to keep friends together — when you get peoples trust, you can influence them.

• A Person of Influence Nurtures People

• • To care for a dog you must feed it, then it will become loyal and love you. In some ways, people need to be cared for and fed as well: emotions, security, hope, etc.

• • We tend to think that in order to influence someone we have to have an authority position over them and constructively criticize them, but that is not true. To influence someone, we must care, help and have concern for them.

• • You cannot antagonize and influence someone at the same time.
  • You cannot publicly make someone feel important if you do not secretly think anything of that person.

• • People are influenced the most by those who make them feel good about themselves.

• • The key to nurturing other people is to become other-minded. Think of them and put yourself in their shoes.

• • Great leaders have a way of making other people feel a part.
  • When you nurture people and show respect to them, not expecting anything in return, you can influence their life.

• A Person of Influence has Faith in People

• • Give people hope.
  • The key to how you treat people is what you think about them. Treat a man as he is and you’ll make him feel miserable, but treat a man as you think he should be and you’ll make him into a great person.

• • Give people your time, give with no strings attached, be accessible to them, and help them.

• A Person of Influence Listens to People

• • Yes it is important to have vision casting, to be organized, and more, but the indispensable quality that you need as a leader is to learn to listen.

• • You’re not learning anything if you are doing all the talking.
  • Woodrow Wilson said that the ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

• • Listening to people earns respect, generates loyalty, gives understanding of others, will help you and much more.

• • In order to be a good listener, you have to want to hear.
  • Here are nine suggestions to help you become a better listener:

• • • Give your undivided attention – don’t catch up on work or shuffle through papers while you’re supposed to be listening.
    • Don’t interrupt – it is just as rude to step on other people’s ideas as it is to step on their toes.

• • • Focus on understanding – most people can only remember 50% of what they hear. So decide to understand and not just listen.

• • • Determine the need at the moment – people talk for different reasons: some need to be heard, some to vent, some out of frustration, etc. Find out why they are saying what they’re saying.

• • • Check your emotions –

• • • Suspend your judgment – don’t jump to any conclusions until you’ve heard all of what has been said.

• • • Sum up at major intervals – if you train yourself to comment frequently (summing up what they said after they finish a specific point), the person will know that you are listening and following them.

• • • Ask good questions – if you want to understand someone, learn to ask them the right questions, follow-up questions.

• • • Make listening a priority – it should be important to us to listen to those whom we work with and those around us, make it a priority.

• A Person of Influence Understands People

• • Success in business has much to do with dealing with people, in fact all of life has to do with dealing with people.

• • If you cannot understand people and work with them, you can’t accomplish anything and you definitely cannot be a person of influence.

• • If you can learn to understand people, than you can help them, motivate them and influence them in a positive way.

• • Understanding people is so important, but why do so many people not care about understanding others – because of fear, intimidation, insecurity and so much more.

• • To understand people, realize that:
    • Everybody wants to be somebody – but it’s a basketball player or anything else, everyone wants to do something of significance with their life. If you treat everyone you meet as important, you can make a difference in her lives.

• • • People have a need to be loved – nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

• • • Everybody needs somebody – everyone needs somebody to come alongside them and help them – if you understand this, it will help others and yourself.

• • • Everybody can be somebody when somebody believes in them – little things done at unimportant times can make a big difference. When was the last time you went out of your way to make someone feel special?

• • • Anybody who helps somebody influences a lot of bodies – when you help one person, you are really impacting many other people.

• A Person of Influence Enlarges People.

• • You can make others better than what they are right now.
  • To become an influence to people and help them, you have to come alongside them in their lives.

• • If you’re going to help others, you yourself must grow and become better.
  • You can teach what you know but you can only reproduce what you are
  • You must continue growing and learning if you’re going to help other people.
  • To help others:
    • See their potential

• • • Cast a vision for the future. There are two kinds of people in life: the realist and the dreamers, the ones who’ve already been there.

• • • Tap into their passion. Everyone has a passion for something so in order to help and influence someone, find out what their passion is & tap into it.
    • Address any character flaws. Remember that integrity is the foundation for growth, so if you do not help them with their foundation, they will not be able to grow.

• • • Focus on their strengths first. Bring out their strong qualities and good attributes, the weaknesses can wait. Only after you have brought out the strengths can you help with their weaknesses… and even then, help in a gentle way and do one thing at a time with the weaknesses.

• • • Enlarge one step at a time. Help them grow in steps instead of overwhelming and discouraging them. Help them in the areas of attitude and relationships.

• • • Put resources in their hands. If you put good resources in people’s hands, not only will they look forward to seeing you but they will also grow in various areas of their life.

• • • Teach them to be self growers. Teach them to help themselves, to find resources and to stand alone.

• A Person of Influence Navigates for Other People.

• • Most people need help getting through difficult times in life and they could use help by being coached by someone with a good attitude.

• • A leader is someone who sees before other see and understands before others understand.

• • To help navigate people know:
    • What do people cry about – what other worries fears and doubts.

• • • What do people dream about

• • • Where are people going in life – help them know where to go and how to get there.
    • Make coarse corrections – not everyone knows when they get off track and how to get back on. Not everyone is a problem solver, so help them.
    • Good navigators go alongside the people – don’t just tell them where to go and how to go, go along with them.

• • Become a navigator of others – you will not only be able to help them through difficult times in their life, but your help will make you friends for life.

• A Person of Influence Connects with People

• • You can navigate people bayou going alongside them, but to connect with them they have to come alongside you.

• • To connect with people remember the following:
    • Don’t take people for granted – you can only help people and influence them if you value them.

• • • Possess a make-a-difference mindset – believe that you can make a difference, that the information you have can make a difference and your time with that person can make a difference.

• • • Initiate towards them – one of the biggest problems managers have is the disconnect from their people. Most people believe that it is the follower’s decision to connect with them, but that is just the opposite for a leader who wants to influence.

• • • Find common ground – learn to listen and find what you have in common.

• • • Recognize and respect differences with other people – yes we find common ground, but they do not have to be exactly like us.

• • • Find the keys to others lives – everyone has a key to their life, you just have to find it.

• • • Communicate from the heart – now that you know who he is and what he is like, communicate from your own heart, be genuine.

• • • Share common experiences – nothing will bind you together like the time of sharing experiences together. Take someone with you, eat a meal together, do an activity together, work together, etc.

• • • Once connected, move forward – if you have not connected with the person, you cannot go forward; but if you have connected with the person, it’s time to move forward. Connection creates willingness.

• A Person of Influence Empowers People

• • When you become an empower-er, you don’t only work in and through people, but you enable them to do more.

• • When you teach your child how to go across the street by himself and then let him, you are empowering him — and the same with delegating anything.

• • To empower others, you must have the position, relationship, respect and commitment to empower others.

• • To empower others:
    • Evaluate them – find out at what level they are in order to help them.

• • • Model for them – even people with skill and desire need to know and see what is expected of them.

• • • Believe in them – tell them and show them that you believe in them.

• • • Transfer authority to them – it’s more than just giving them a workload, it’s giving them the authority to do it.

• • • Assure your confidence in them publicly – public recognition shows them that you believe they will succeed.

• • • Supply them with feedback – if you’re helping them, you must also give them feedback on how they’re doing, etc.

• • • Release them to succeed on their own – you want the best for them so let them go succeed on their own.

• A Person of Influence Reproduces other Influencers.

• • You may have helped others but if you cannot pass the baton effectively, it will die with them.

• • There’s no greater honor than a man pouring himself into something and then when he leaves, it flourishes.

• • The function of a leader is to produce more leaders, not more followers.
  • Learn to move from maintenance to multiplication – most people live their lives in the stage of maintenance and never get to the stage of multiplication.

I – modeling integrity

N – nurturing the people to make them feel valued

F – showing faith in others so they can believe in themselves

L – listening to others

U – understanding them so that you can help them achieve their dreams

E – enlarging them in order to help them increase their potential

N – navigating people through life’s difficulties until they can do it themselves

C – connecting with them so that you can move them to a higher level

E – empowering them to become the person that they were made to be

R – reproducing others so that your influence can continue on