Book Summaries

7 Ways to be Her Hero

by Doug Fields

 

– Any guy can fall in love, but it takes something special to stay in love.

– Ecclesiastes 2:11 — chasing the wind. A man may not be having an affair with another woman but if he is in love with this laptop, job, phone and technology, he is chasing the wind and his marriage will never get better.

– There’s only one thing that God says that a man is to “be one” with and that is not his job, career, etc., it’s his wife. If a man is chasing anything else besides his wife, he’s chasing the wind.

– Remember the days when you were dating and you chased your wife and always wanted to be with her, give her gifts, put on cologne, act romantic, etc.? Well we have to return to those days at chase our wives again.

– Marriage was not mans idea at all, it was God’s idea. Sex was created by God. The Bible is not at all quiet about sex.

– One heart. In marriage, when you wound 1 heart, you are really wounding 2 — hers and yours. Imagine a rifle in which the barrel doubles back around. That is exactly what is happening to our relationships when we try to hurt our wives weather verbally, emotionally, etc.

– Your responsibility as a husband is to identify what baggage may have in her life (stress, anger, problems, etc.) and help her remove it.

– Don’t just help your wife because you want more sex, help her because she has the other half of your heart.

 

1. Don’t Say Everything you Think.

– Making hurtful or mean spirited comments will not help anything.

– It may be hard to not say things that you’re thinking, but it is even harder when you are tired, discouraged, frustrated, etc.

– Proverbs 17:28 — “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”

– Proverbs 10:19 — “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.”

– It does not have to be verbal communication that could harm our wives – shrugging shoulders, moving head, rolling eyes, etc.

– Proverbs 20:3

– Proverbs 21:23

– Hold your tongue. You can save a lot of grief by simply holding your tongue and not saying anything.

– Almost anything can be said and handled if you’ll just state it in a genuinely, loving way and in a timely sort.

– You do not have to make a big deal out of every little thing.

 

2. Say what is Powerful.

– Sadly we say what we should not say do not say what we should say.

– Destructive words destroy marriages and healthy words build marriages.

– A man’s number one need may be sex, but a woman’s number one need is unconditional love. Vocalizing your love with words is so important.

– Think of your words like little gifts rolling out of your mouth – we might not be the best with buying gifts, but using the right words are gifts.

– The right words at the right time in the right way go right to your wife’s spirit.

– Your wife needs affirmation and it is within your power to give it to her.

– If you think something positive, say it.

– Set a reminder if you have to, to remind you to say something nice to your wife every day, until it becomes a habit.

– Text your wife whenever you think about her. Remember that a compliment does not only have to be verbal.

– When you have a thought, write it down – it doesn’t have to be a long letter, just write a little note and tell her what you’re thinking. Put it in her car, put it in her drawer, put it in the fridge or wherever she will see it.

– Your wife must know that she is the only one who can fulfill your physical love.

– Don’t give up, stay in the battle. No one else can fulfill your physical but your wife and if you do not realize this, you will think that masturbation, or pornography or an affair will be ok.

 

3. Don’t Say Anything

– Learn to be a World-Class Listener.

– You might not think that your communication with your wife is that important, but she does think it is. In fact, becoming a good listener could be the reason that you’re not having as much sex.

– To many women, a good listener is sexy.

– Listening is like foreplay for a woman.

– Men like to dominate so therefore we do the talking and never listen – big mistake.

– No one is interested in being in a relationship with a world-class talker.

– James 1:19 — “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath”

– Your body language speaks just as loud, if not louder, than your verbal language. So make sure when you’re listening, that you do not appear that you don’t want to be there or that you’re disinterested.

– You may think that you are a great listener, but if she does not think that then it really does not matter. You better make sure that it comes across that she believes you are a good listener.

 

4. Go Big with Small Things.

– It’s the small things that can make a marriage better – not the big leaps and changes.

– Getting off by just 1° later down the road could make it where you are on totally separate solar systems.

– Serving your wife at the very small areas will add up and pay off.

– The big acts that we think about like buying her a car, taking her on a trip, etc., do not require us to serve her, but the little things do. Turning off the light for her, getting her a drink, helping her out with something, etc. are all small things but very key.

– You can put your marriage back on course if you will learn to master the little things.

– Doing the small things, just once a day, will become a habit and your marriage will improve.

– You will be more like Jesus when you serve. He did not come to this world to be served but to serve.

– Serve her like you would serve Jesus.

– If you asked yourself on your way home from work what it would look like to serve your wife and serve Jesus, what would that look like when you got home… What could you do for her?

 

5. Be Liberal with Touch but not That Way.

– There is such a thing called touch that is not sexual.

– There is such a thing called skin hunger, being deprived of touch.

– Hug your wife without having a sexual agenda.

– A man who provides his wife with nonsexual touch will usually end up getting more sex than the husband who does not give nonsexual touch.

– Science proves to us that if a baby does not get enough touch in the first couple of years of their life, negative consequences could happen.

– Your wife needs your touch – a kiss on the cheek, a massage, hand on shoulder, holding hands, touching her arm, etc.

– If your wife’s skin hunger is being starved, than both your sex life and marriage will be affected by it.

– Pornography is artificial sex – it’s like filling yourself with junk food when God has a banquet awaiting you.

– If you will begin to fulfill your wife’s skin hunger, you will not regret it.

 

6. Put your Pride Aside.

– God wants to clean up our heart, change things and make us like to His image.

– The hardest thing to get rid of and cleanup is our pride.

– Pride causes us to blame and destroys more marriages than infidelity.

– Pride leads to disgrace – Proverbs 11:2

– Pride destroys – Proverbs 29:23

– When we allow God to circumcise the pride out of our life, it can be painful but will save our marriage.

– Humility has nothing to do with weakness. Humility is actually strength to recognize that God is God.

– Humility is strong enough to keep its mouth shut. Humility will build up your wife with words instead of eating the words itself. Humility is willing to ask questions. Humility is willing to listen without having to rush back. Humility is willing to say I am sorry and I was wrong.

– Recognize your mistakes, ask forgiveness for them, remove them and forget them.

 

7. Shepherd your Wife’s Heart.

– We must learn to shepherd our own hearts and then that of our wife’s.

– A shepherd watches his flock, cares for them and watches out for bad wolves.

– We need to learn to shepherd our wife’s heart and that is not easy, it will take time.

– She is more than worthy of the effort, after all that is why I married her.

– Her heart is so much more tender and sensitive than mine.

– Shepherd her heart because God wants to see her blossom through you helping her.

– To shepherd her heart, it requires diligence and attention.

– Tell her often who she is. Beliefs shape our behavior. If we were ever told that we are good for nothing, we begin to believe it and it hurt us. If we don’t think we are anything, we will begin to believe a lie and not take care of ourselves. And women are some of the most lied to people on this planet – they are told that they have to be skinny, have high cheekbones, etc. The message is often loud and clear that a woman does not measure up. She must be told and reminded who she is.

– Tell her daily that you love her, that she is special, that you’re happy to be married to her, etc.

– Let her know that she is excepted and loved by you.

– She should be accepted to you as you are to Jesus. She should be able to look into your eyes and know that she has been accepted by you.

– A husband can form his wife’s self image for the positive by always affirming her and telling her how special she is.

– A man can never be a good groom to his wife until he has been a good bride to Jesus.

– Your intimacy with Jesus will affect your relationship with your wife.

– Women need to know that they are beautiful, but they need to know about their heart as well – tell her how you love her more than just her physical beauty.

– Be the man that she can respect. Get help and stay away from pornography.

– Be her friend. How about some walks together or some kind of activities both of you can do together. Time to bring friendship back into the relationship.

– Your wife may not treat you the way you think you should be treated even if you shepherd her heart, but shepherd her heart with the right motive and after time you will be greatly rewarded.

– There’s no joy or no job as great as shepherding our wives.

Love: – Love her as Christ loved the church – Ephesians 5:25

– We are to think of our wives before we think of ourselves.

– Any hero understands that sacrifices need it the most married man will sacrifice for their wife and children. But sacrifice is not the only thing that is needed, we cannot keep silent. You must speak up and fix things and marriage. Loving your wife as Christ loved the church does not mean silence, it means getting things right. Get professional counseling if that’s what’s needed. If you do not speak up, you will one day regret it.

Time:

– Everyone is busy (raising children, keeping a job, upkeep of the house, etc.) but the problem with a busy life is that it makes for a busy marriage… which can lead to a empty marriage.

– Busyness does not kill a marriage, but it weakens you and as a result you can kill your marriage.

– Some of us are so over-connected with others (via social media), that we are under connected with the ones we love the most (actually communicating with them).

– You must pause and take the time. If you are always busy, there will never be enough time and you will never come around to it.

– Don’t be a drive-by husband, actually take time for and to be with each other.

– Hurry runs but love walks.

– You could be so much in a hurry and rush through life that you never take the time to stop and ask each other how you’re doing and how you can improve your marriage.

– Your wife and marriage are worth the effort, so chase her.

– Experience one with your wife why is God’s goal in your marriage.

– Becoming a good husband is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

Zeal Without Burnout

by Christopher Ash

 

– Burn out is a terrible price to pay for a Cristian minister.

– 1/3 of pastors find themselves burnt out within five years of starting ministry. It is estimated that hundreds of pastors across-the-board burn out and leave ministry every year.

– It is those who think they are safest that are in most danger. I Cor 10:12

– It may sound heroic or even romantic to say we have burnt out while ministering for the Lord, but other people are affected and taken down when someone is burned out.

– There is a difference between self-sacrifice and burn out.

– We are made from nothing more than dust Psalms 103:14. We are not like God, we need rest, food, medicine and sabbaths.

1. We need sleep but God does not Psalms 121:3–4. Psalms 127:2 says that it is God who gives sleep. Don’t talk about certain things or work on them before you go to bed, get rest.

2. We need a Sabbath, God does not. God is always working, but we cannot work nonstop. Because we serve in ministry, we have to be flexible to times our people are free. They may work during the day and need counseling or discipleship at night. This makes our job hours different from anyone else. Even if you have a day off, you need to take care of your body. There is only one Savior of the world, and that is not you or me.

3. We need friends and God does not. We need not picture God as lonely and unfulfilled without us, but God does not need us… we need Him. God said that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). We are made to be social creatures, not live by ourselves. David had Jonathan, a dear friend who loved him; and we need friendships as well. Many of us need to try harder at being a good friend. A married couple should sustain intimacy.

4. We need inward renewal, God does not. Just as we need food and rest for our bodies to be renewed and continue on, so we need inward renewal from the Holy Spirit. 2 Corinthians 4:16 The Lord told them to go apart with Him and get some rest (Mark 6:31). We need to get away and rest as well, for the inward renewal. We should be knowledgeable about what things help us, such as bike riding or some hobby, but we should also know that those things without the Holy Spirit cannot fully renew us. We often pride ourselves in how busy we are, comparing ourselves and thinking we’re more important than the other guy for how many hours we work. But neglecting rest, sabbath, friendships, and inward renewal is a big mistake and not something to be proud of.

– The world calls overworking a workaholic but in ministry it could be called “zealaholic,”… and we’re inwardly starving ourselves and will soon burn out. – Beware of wanting to be a celebrity and/or placing yourself on a pedestal.

– Learn the Lord’s definition of success, not the world’s. It’s not in numbers but in faithfully serving and obeying Christ.

– Seek counsel, have friends, delegate work and don’t neglect your spiritual and physical health.

– Psalm 90:19 – Gospel ministry is ministering in a messed up world, and yet there is grace.

– Things that don’t matter as much can be measured (such as church budgets, buildings and numbers) but things that really matter (such as changed hearts) cannot be measured.

– Learn to rejoice in grace, not gifts. Luke 10:17-20.

– Joy is a beautiful thing. We should enjoy ourselves, but joy must be rooted in something that doesn’t change. Put your joy in the fact that your name is written in heaven, not just in things God has let you see or do.

– We pride ourselves in gifts we have, such as speaking, growing ministries, contacts and so much more. But we must remember that gifts without grace is an accurate definition of the devil himself.

– Keep grace as the main thing. Without grace we can be like Judas who knew everything yet went to hell. With grace we can be like Lazarus who had nothing materially yet went to heaven.

– We should not be afraid of burnout but we should take care of ourselves.

– Don’t be too proud to seek help.

– Do a self-check. Pause and ask yourself if you’re giving yourself enough time for sleep, rest, to have godly friendships, to inwardly renew yourself and are you rejoicing in God’s grace.

– Pressure in our lives form us and help us, but these pressures are meant to be short bursts, not a lifestyle. The system shuts down when we try to live this way and could be called discouragement, breakdown or burnout.

– Learn to recognize the signs of burnout sleeplessness, low mood, exhaustion, nervousness, irritability, etc. The same can happen to anyone at times, but if it goes on for long periods of time, it is signs that you’re close to burn out.

– Usually other people notice things about us before we noticed them ourselves. We should give permission to people that we trust to let us know when they see signs of burnout in us.

– There are times that we can change up things and help ourselves (switch up way we are reading the Bible, activity we do, etc.) and there are other times that we might need to get help from a friend or someone else.

– Burnout is not the worst thing that could happen to you, in fact sometimes it is something that God uses to bring us to our knees or changes, but we can still learn to notice signs and avoid burnout as much as possible.

Worthy of Her Trust

by Stephen Arterburn

 

– Once you have lost your wife’s trust, you can gain it back, but it will be difficult and you must be open and accountable.

– There is no specific structure for building trust back with your wife, but it can’t happen as you consistently and methodically work at it.

 

– Myths that many people use and believe about rebuilding trust:

1. Time heals all wounds and heals trust. Time does not remove the memory and/or fade the heart. Time alone is not the answer.

2. Not acting out again will build the trust. Not repeating bad behavior will help you and your spouse, but by itself will not build the trust. Stopping the bad behavior is not enough, you have to replace it with good behavior. Ephesians 4:28

3. Trust will be restored when your wife discontinues being a control freak. This is just shifting the blame instead of dealing with your own issues. Where there is a wife deeply controlling, there is usually insecurity and fear on their behalf. If you feel like your wife is trying to control you, you need to do 2 things:

A. Not be controlling yourself — It’s amazing that we don’t want someone else to control us so we become controlling. Don’t use the “I am the head of this house” card, because you relinquished that when you were not acting like the man you should be.

B. Focus on security, or providing your wife security.

4. He wouldn’t do this if he really loved me. Until someone admits that they are done living a life of sin, nothing will change and their behavior will continue the same. You can blame it on your wife, your background or society, but they are not the problem. It is too easier to say you have fallen out of love instead of admitting your own wicked sin.

5. Having more or different sex will fix it. Transforming your wife to an object for your sexual gratification is a slap both in her face and God’s. If you have been unfaithful or addicted to porn, you are only damaging your relationship and mind by having your wife play out old thoughts. If we are immoral, we are wrong no matter how much excuse we think we might have — the wife did not initiate or have enough sex. There is no excuse! You you have to surrender every day to God, both your will and the rights you believe you have. Submitting yourself to God is the only way to get over things.

6. Prayer alone or only prayer will rebuild the trust. Prayer is very important, but prayer without a plan will not rebuild the trust. You cannot pray yourself out of something that you behaved yourself into; prayer without action will not get you anywhere.

7. Trust will be restored when she decides to forgive. Forgiveness is important, but it does not rebuild trust. Your wife’s forgiveness is for her, not you. Be forgivable — put yourself in her shoes; ask yourself if you would forgive you if you were in her shoes.

8. God will miraculously deliver you from the sexual trouble and your marriage will be saved. Recovery is not about a body but about sanctification. Temptation is not a sin rather what we do with the temptation. God may not remove all the temptations, because maybe He is making us better and stronger in those temptations.

– Do not use spirituality as a smokescreen to make your wife trust you.

– If your wife does not trust you but trust God, something is not good or right.

– If you will actively pursue the heart of God, you can know that you will be right with your wife in the area of sexual purity. You cannot walk with God as well as in sinful, sexual sins.

– Are you trying to change yourself for your wife or for God – one is temporary and one is permanent. If you change for God, other things will fall into place.

– Where are you and your relationship with God? Is He just the Creator of the universe God or your personal Heavenly Father God? Your relationship with God will determine almost everything.

– Commit to passionately deepening your relationship with God.

– There’s nothing greater for a wife as when her husband is passionately in love and dedicated to God.

– You must learn to be transparent and accountable in every area if you are going to gain back your wife’s trust.

– If you feel like your wife is nagging you with questions, it is very likely because she realizes that she is not getting the whole truth from you.

– If you have lacked sexual integrity with your wife, you must understand that sharing details with your wife is not determined by you but by her. In her mind, the lack of details might make her assume the worst.

– It is recommended that you have 2-3 accountability partners and you meet weekly. If you only have one accountability partner, he might not be able to meet for some reason because of family, sickness, etc. Having multiple people will be helpful.

– Your accountability partners should have lives that you want to emulate. If they as well have problems with addictions and sexual integrity, they should not be considered to be an accountability partner. Find people who are at least as spiritually mature as you, if not more mature. It is better that they are not family members of either you or your wife. Remember that it is not their responsibility to keep you accountable, it is your responsibility to be accountable to them.

– If you are afraid of your wife calling and asking your accountability partners how you’re doing, you probably need to have a self examination.

– Your wife should have access to absolutely everything in your life – this means email accounts, checking accounts, safes, lockers, gym bags, office space, wallets, iPads, phones, computers, etc. Allowing nothing to be private from your wife is crucial in building trust with you.

– Why do you need privacy from your wife? What are you hiding? What is so important that she cannot see it?

– Remember that secrets equal setbacks when you’re trying to build trust.

When Young Men Are Tempted?

by Bill Perkins and Randy Southern

 

– God does not oppose sex, He approves and celebrates it.

– God gave you a sexual appetite.

– Sex completes, makes whole, but God made that for marriage.

– James 1:17 fits this category.

– 1 Corinthians 7:2 — sex is for marriage

– Rom 12:1-2 — your body belongs to God; resist temptation

– Know your enemy — the devil will use all to destroy you

– The devil wants you to doubt God’s plan for you and sex.

– Before playing a sport you have to place boundaries, and you need to do that before marriage as well.

– 1 Corinthians 6:18 — run from or you’ll be blown up and killed

– Colossians 3:5 — Sexual sins will destroy you

– Your fight is mental and spiritual, not just physical. – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5,7; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

– Living a holy life means you have to say no to the screams that your body gives you.

 

– Is masterbation a sin?

1. What are you thinking about when you do it? Matthew 5:28

2. How much control do you have over it? Does your life revolve around when, where and the uncontrolled urges to masterbate? 1 Corinthians 6:12. If you are controlled by your masturbation or if it takes up much of your alone time, you are being mastered by it.

3. What’s it doing to your view of sex? It affects many guys when they get married — how they view or even have sex.

– Our thoughts are seeds that grow into actions; our thoughts become rituals

– Sexual compulsions bring down the greatest of guys.

– We have died to sin (Romans 6:2), so it’s no longer our master. We are no longer slaves to sin. Although no longer our master, it’s still our enemy.

– Don’t treat your compulsion like a friend, treat it like the enemy that it is.

– You cannot rely on your own strength and restraint, you have to depend on God. You are hopelessly outnumbered.

– Romans 7:24 — Paul wasn’t ready to quit fighting sin even though it wasn’t easy. Don’t quit, don’t give up, keep fighting.

– You are still loved by God, no matter how many times you mess up or have messed up. He loves you unconditionally. The devil will use your shame, guilt or anything else against you, making you think that God doesn’t love or accept you.

– If you’re going to defeat your sexual habits, you have to be committed. It is not easy and you better count the cost.

– Check out the consequences of your sexual sins and the blessings of your sexual purity. Write them down and think about them, both the negative and positive.

– You cannot only turn from the sexual sins and expect to be ok, you have to turn from them and turn to God. If you do not turn to God, you will fall back into the pit again.

– Don’t give lust a foothold. It’s easy to think that looking or just one time will not affect you, but lust will become your master a little at a time. Romans 6:16

 

– The Temptation Cycle:

1. Enticement — James 1:14. It allures you and draws you in. You are allured out of your safety area, your lust is fired up and you follow. 1 Peter 1:13 teaches us that we need to be prepared if we want to beat this enticement.

2. Conception — James 1:15. The seed takes root and begins to grow. We must get rid of the rituals (channel surfing, surfing the internet, being alone, watching TV or looking at a device after a certain hour, etc). Think about what rituals you have and break them.

3. Birth. If you allow the rituals to continue, then habits and lifestyle are birthed.

4. Death — James 1:15. Your lust promises joy, life and intimacy, but the reality is that it is a lie and ends in death. Instead of joy it brings shame and instead of life it brings death.

– Change your thought patterns by memorizing Scripture and thinking on what God wants you to think about — Philip. 4:8

– 1 Corinthians 6:18 — run from the sexual temptations; they will only hurt you.

– Prayer. We think that intimacy is through that picture, act or thought, but that is not real intimacy and leaves us empty. God offers true intimacy with Him and we can have that through prayer (Psalm 145:18; Matthew 7:7-8). The more you stay intimate with Christ, the less likely you are to want or run to the fake intimacy the devil and lust offers.

– Galatians 2:20 — you are crucified, let Him live and have priority in your life.

– Journal. Set aside a few minutes every day to write down some things and include a prayer so that you can look back and see how God helped, blessed and answered those prayers.

Time Starved Marriage

by Les Parrott

 

– In the rat race of life, we are so busy that we rarely make time for each other.

– There is more written on money, a commodity that can be lost and regained, than there is on time, a commodity that when lost cannot be regained.

– Don’t live in the “some-day” mentality.

– Time can’t be stopped or saved, time marches on.

– Find something as a couple to laugh at every day.

– Business is a marriage killer. It’s not helping marriages. It depletes love lives. It steals your fun. Business is not a badge of honor.

– A marriage cannot survive on leftovers. Giving your spouse the leftover time and energy that you have will destroy your marriage not build your marriage.

– How can you eliminate hurriedness in your marriage?

– We cannot find time but we can make more time. Place priorities where they should and focus time around the right things.

– What are the things that will bring you closer together as a couple? Is it a date night, playing tennis together, a walk, etc.?

– Take advantage of time that you already have this: talk or pray together before going to bed, just take a few minutes alone while out running errands, talk about good memories you’ve shared, etc.

 

– Time Stealers:

1. Past problems or conversations that have not been resolved.

2. Technology — what should save time is actually stealing time

3. Impatience — it kills what could be a good moment.

4. Clock — if we are not careful, it turns into having a race. Hurry up and do something so we can move on, we’re going to be late, too many activities, etc.

– Nothing can steal your time unless you do nothing about it.

– Just as food is better when you slow down, savor and enjoy it, the same goes for your marriage.

– Work at minimizing your financial strains and your marriage will be helped. If you have debt, get a plan to get out of it.

 

– Three R’s that can help your marriage:

1. Rest — not getting enough rest causes a lot of problems.

2. Recreation — there’s no excuse for being so busy that you can’t separate a few weeks for vacation in the year.

3. Restoration — we need the weekends to be restored, making time for church and time for each other.

The Tech-Wise Parenting

by Andy Crouch

 

– Technology is in its right place when it helps us bond with people with whom we are close. Technology is not in its right place when it disconnects us from those we love while trying to connecting us with people at a distance we don’t even know.

– Technology is in its place when it helps start conversations, but it is not in its place when it kills conversation and makes us ignore one another.

– When technology replaces skills for passive action, something has gone wrong.

– Technology will not stay in its place on its own, you have to put it in its place.

– Our homes are not supposed to be refuel stations — a place where we, along with our devices, to refuel and continue on. Our homes are supposed to be places where there is joy and great memories made.

 

– The 10 Tech-Wise Commitments:

1. We develop wisdom and courage together as a family.

• Technology helps us get many things done and is very advantageous, but technology cannot provide you with the core issues of relationships.

• Technology can be a very big distraction to spending quality time with the ones we truly love.

• Children are driven to create if we will just nudge them instead of letting them zone into technology that someone else created and requires little thinking.

2. We want to create more than we consume. So we fill the center of our home with things that reward skill and active engagement.

3. We are designed for a rhythm of work and rest. So one hour a day, one day a week, and one week a year, we turn off our devices and worship, feast, play and rest together.

• We are required to work required to rest. God made both of them.

• We would do good to turn our devices off, leaving the world of technology for a time so that we can both work, rest and enjoy what God has given us.

• Instead of taking our devices to the playground when our children play, we should leave them behind to participate in our child’s life.

• When it’s a nasty day outside, instead of rushing to our device, maybe we should think about grabbing a book, cooking, playing a game or just talking.

• We should have a day and a time when we turn all devices off and focus on being with each other as a family.

• Set aside devices at the table.

4. We wake up before our devices do, and they “go to bed” before we do.

• We need sleep unlike our devices. We need to unplug, rest and sleep for at least 1/3 of the day to continue going strong – unlike our devices.

• Sleep is absolutely needed. Depriving someone of sleep is one of the most cruel punishment. 5. Learning and working

• Our children must learn how to use their hands and feet to play and run around. We are only hurting them when we immobilize them by handing them a screen that requires very little movement or thinking.

• Our children will spend much of their lives with technology and screens, so while young we should teach skills and creativity instead of look at a device that requires very little.

• Make your children learn to be creative and find activities as opposed to throwing a screen in front of them.

• Not placing your children in front of a TV, game or other kind of screen as a pastime requires creativity, energy and patience from the parent just as much as from the child.

• Kids learn how to use technology super fast, so requiring them to do other activities instead of using technology as response to boredom will help them with their motor skills. We are robbing children of their childhood when we don’t allow them to have dirt under their fingers instead of throwing technology as the answer to their boredom.

6. We use screens for a purpose, and we use them together, rather than using them aimlessly and alone.

• Boredom did not exist in the dictionary until the 18th century. Today we have unlimited amount of technology and we are full of boredom. We are so technology-based that we get bored easier. It would do us and our children good to unplug from technology and look at nature and all the amazing things that can be seen with the guys outside of technology.

7. Car time is conversation time

• One of the places where you’re forced to be together in one space with the captive audience is in your vehicle. You may hate the idea of driving, but this can turn out to be a sweet surprise for conversing.

• Car time can be some of the greatest conversation time if we will allow it to be.

• It is said that a real conversation takes at least seven minutes before getting into a subject of importance. On around the seventh minute, someone will take a risk and begin speaking about something personal. The sad side of our technology is that it prevents us to arrive to a deep conversation before we go back to looking at the screen. What might be on the other end of the seven minute mark will never be discovered because we are interrupted with  technology and therefore the risks are never taken to become deeper conversations.

• By accident, we have taught our children that the car is one more boring spot that we have to be in to get somewhere, so just fill it with more technology to get through it.

• So make the rule that car time is going to be conversation time – for a minimum of seven minutes or more.

8. Spouses should have one another’s passwords and parents should have unrestricted access to their children’s devices.

• Sex was created to be enjoyed within the bounds of marriage, but technology has made it to be seen by anyone at anytime and broken all confidentiality.

• Children can find out what sex is and means because technology is available to tell them and show them absolutely anything that they want or think of.

• An astonishing 62% of young people said that they have received a nude picture on their phone and 40% have actually sent one.

• Pornography lures in and deceives people with what cannot be satisfied, and sadly before a young person realizes what they are involved in, it is almost too late and they are addicted.

• Nearly half of pornography that is sought out, according to a study, is searched as a result of boredom. We must give our children a fulfilled life so that they do not have to run to pornography.

• We cannot place our children in a bubble because our world is a porn-saturated society, but we can offer something different and better than what porn offers.

• Be wise and put a filter on their devices. And make your children to have a data-free device until they are older.

• Spouses should have one another’s passwords and complete freedom to ask each other about anything. Parents should have open access to see their children’s devices while they were living at home or until they are grown and.

• We cannot avoid 100% of all bad influence coming in from technology, but we can do our best to filter out the scum so that it does not rule in our children’s lives.

9. We learn to sing together instead of letting amplified music do all the work entertaining us.

• We have become so professional that everyone else sings for us and majority of Christians have very little participation in singing to God. Singing does us good.

• Worshipping through song is one of the greatest things that we can do. The ancient Hebrews knew this and rehearsed singing to God, making it a large portion of their lifestyle.

• Singing may be one of the very few things that we can do that combines heart, soul, strength and mind as we worship God.

• If singing is so powerful, why do we allow so many technological ways to take our place in singing instead of allowing it to help us participate in singing.

10. In sickness and in health

• Technology can bring distance so much closer and be very useful, but technology cannot replace being present in the most important times of someone’s life.

• One of the best commitments that you could make for someone you love is to show up, to be there for them in person.

• The greatest way you can show love is by being there in person, setting aside all technology for what is more important.

• When we are at our body’s limit, nothing but personal and physical presence will do.

The Space Between:

A parents guide to teenage development

by Dr. Walt Mueller

 

– Your children are not adults yet, and understanding this will help you avoid wrong expectations. They have not matured and went through stages of life like you as an adult have.

– Don’t fall into the world’s trap of what is said about teenagers. Your teenager is a gift from God.

– The teenage years bring many new temptations, struggles and trials. They are also years of great opportunities for a parent’s guide, example and help.

– What is the greatest problem in a teenagers life? It is one word, sin. It is the same problem that we have in our life, sin.

– Independence is the goal of adolescence/teenage years. Soon our children will be released to the world. This time of adolescence is a time that God is working in our children and in our lives.

– Dependence is one of the best states in which we can find ourselves while raising children. We must depend on God, for it is He alone who can ultimately work in their lives.

– Our helplessness can be the best thing if we will learn to depend on God’s help.

– God is in the midst of parenting us while we parent our children.

– There is a social separation in adolescence. Young people close off their family as they open to other friends. In today’s society, through social media, young people communicate with their friends while blocking out the family.

– We are to love them, train them and let them go as we commit them over to the Lord.

– Studies have shown that the better a teenager’s relationship is with their parents, the higher self-esteem they will have.

– Adolescents should know that no matter what goes on at school or outside, the home is a safe place to be.

– When they are children, you think for them. When they are adolescence, you should think with them. And when they are adults, let them think for themselves. Challenge them to think critically through things.

– Teenagers will be moody, but do your best not to belittle their emotions, just be patient with them. Teenagers need parents that will love them and be there for them even in their emotional ups and downs.

– Never forget and never be afraid of keeping the authority on the Word.

– One of the most powerful weapons you have in your arsenal with your kids is to become vulnerable. Let them know of the good, bad and ugly from experiences in your life.

– Teenagers are trying to find themselves. The world tries to show them their identity. They will eventually find themselves, but we want to help them find their identity in Christ and not in what the world offers.

– Be all you want your children to be. When we love God, it will naturally flow from our lives and our children will see it. Children naturally imitate and become like their parents.

– Ask yourself if your children see that God is important in your life. Do they see you read His word, love others, fear God, pray and seek God in good times and bad times? Do they say that God is first in your time, your finances and all you do? Do they say that you love God on days when you are not in church?

– Be redemptive. What will you do if your children go against what you believe or told them? How will you treat your children if and when they mess up?

– Remember that your children’s greatest problem is your greatest problem, sin. Have the same attitude that God has towards you, forgive them and love them when they are good and bad, when they mess up and embarrass you.

– We have been the recipients of God’s abundant grace, so how could we not show the same grace towards our children when they need it.

The Power of Money

by Hybels, Keller, Chan, Beach

 

– There is always a winner at the God-versus-money-battle that goes on in your heart.

– By percentage, people who make less money usually give more to God than people who make more money. It could be because writing a tithe check for a richer man would be substantially more and he doesn’t want to do it.

– Proverbs 3:9–10 – give God the first fruits. This is symbolic that God is the most important in your life. It would be good that the first check you write for the month (or payment you pay) is to God – it show your priorities.

– Giving to God is a heart-check, to see where your heart really is.

– Giving to God is a faith-check, testing your faith, knowing God will take care of you.

– Test God and see if He won’t open the windows of heaven.

– Materialism has a way to blind and distort the way we see things. It darkens your eyes spiritually.

– Money for some people gives them security, significance, control or status of thinking they are better than others.

– We should treasure heavenly treasure instead of earthly treasure.

– We can know that money does not hold power over us by how we treat the poor. When we become generous, it stops us from acting better than others.

– Contentment has nothing to do with your circumstances.

– You will probably meet more poor people that are happy then rich people that are happy.

– The sin of envy will cause us to see very little of how God takes care of us.

– It is easier for us to mourn with those that are mourning then to rejoice with those that are rejoicing.