Turn up the Heat
by Kevin Leman
– What does every godly man want from his wife? Sex. What does every godly woman want from her husband? Intimacy.
– Sex was intended to bring a man and woman closer, but lust has destroyed that – sex with intimacy is what sex is intended to be.
– Your wife must feel love, protected and wanted in order to have intimate sex.
– You must ask your wife what pleases her to understand and better please her.
– What you get out of marriage is what you put into it. If you say your sex life is not that great… well, when was the last time you used spontaneity?
– Bought her flowers, box of chocolates, took her on a special date, cooked something, etc.?
– You never stop dating your wife.
– Five great tips to dating your wife:
1. Initiate it, plan it and carry it out.
2. Accept your spouses attempts to do something new or different. If you reject her, she will likely not try again.
3. Be consistent, set a regular date night.
4. Splurge a little sometimes – isn’t your spouse worth a little something special?!
5. Do not forget about important dates – birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc. Might not be important to you, but it very much likeliest to your wife.
– Marriage is all about giving your self to the other person and that means forgetting a lot of “I”.
– Every individual has unwritten rules in their life that they carry into marriage (“I don’t talk about sex”, “sex is dirty”, etc.). In order to have a good marriage, you need to get these things out in the open. If you get both of your “rulebooks” out in the open, you can talk about them and begin to have a better marriage.
– Here’s what a woman needs to enjoy sex:
1. Feel loved, prized and valued.
2. To be listened to and respected.
3. To have a romantic atmosphere.
5. Be understood and cuddled.
– A man can have sex anytime and anywhere no matter if sweaty or whatever the condition is. A woman feels like she needs her teeth brushed, cleaned up and everything perfect.
– Nothing will kill an intimate relationship so fast as criticism.
– It might feel like a mystery to figure out how, where and what your spouse likes when it comes to sex, but think of it as a challenge. If you want to figure out how to turn on your wife, than figure out what are the turn-ons and turn-off’s for her.
– Great sex requires great training, so you must ask your wife what feels good and what does not.
– Good sex requires that you are a good lover outside of the bedroom just as much as you are inside the bedroom – how you treat your wife will affect your sex life.
– Men on average have an estimate of 33 thoughts about sex each day.
– A healthy sex life is equivalent to what you get for running 26 miles.
– A man thinks about sex 33 times more than his wife does, he thinks about it all day long. The question is not if he thinks about sex rather what he thinks about sex.
– Five things a man can do for a woman:
1. Use words, sentences and complete thoughts to share your feelings with her.
2. Drawl bathwater for her, read to her and make her some tea.
3. Write a poem for her it and slip it in her car, write a special message/letter for her.
4. Light a scented candle for her.
5. Tell her how good she looks when she steps out of the shower.
– Real love thinks about the other person first and think about the other person most.
– How often should you have sex? How much or how little (along with any other questions) should be openly talked about and negotiated with your spouse.
– You may get aggravated you cannot figure out why your wife does not want to have sex after being home all day. She has stayed with the children, cleaned and taken care of the house. Instead of getting aggravated, figure out how you can help her and what you can do for her and you will become her hero and she will be much more likely to give herself sexually to you.
– Although you can fool other adults, your kids sense when anything is wrong between you and your wife.
– A good sex life is one of the greatest things you should have for your marriage.
– You can improve your sex life by improving your communication.
– Many men have a difficulty in flipping the switch from work to the time when they get home. Maybe consider stopping at a park on the way home to sit and think, listening to some music that calms you down or doing something that can help you be the husband you need to be when you arrive home from work.
– When you fight, you have to fight fairly. If there is only a winner and a loser, very likely your marriage will end badly. Think and acknowledge how the other person feels. After a fight, learn to make up.
– If you suffer in your sex life, chances are that there are unsettled issues in your marriage. At the heart of the marriage relationship is the communication of what is best for the both of you.
– Things to ask your wife what will help improve your relationship:
1. If you had a magic wand and could change anything about our relationship, what would you change?
2. What are three things that you would like me to consider changing in the bedroom?
3. Are there some things in life that you have never told anyone? Would you be willing to tell me one of them?
4. What are the three most important things in life?
5. What would your life be like if I was not in it? What things would you have done or not done?
– Rules for fighting fair:
1. Hold hands.
2. Look The other person in the eye.
3. Don’t use the words such as “always” and “never”.
4. Don’t use the word “you”, use “I”.
5. Don’t go back to other problem that have been dealt with earlier.
– Many men suffer with understanding foreplay, but it is super important and needed for the wife. To the wife, foreplay is taking out the garbage, helping with the children, etc. The important thing is doing these things without having to be asked.
– The state of sex in your marriage is the state of your marriage.
– Rules for romance for a guy:
1. Set the table and have it ready.
2. Supper ready for what you get home.
3. Send the kids to someone else’s house.
4. Turn off the TV.
5. Turn some soft romantic music on.
6. Take her somewhere special.
7. Give her a card with the special note in it.
8. Take a shower together.
9. Rub her feet.
10. Give her a head massage.
– In life, you get what you pay for – and marriage is the same way. If you put time, money and energy into it, you’ll get much more out of it.
– Women are very self-conscious, so in order to let your wife know that you accept her: tell her how gorgeous she is, tell her how you specifically like her, take her shopping for a special outfit, etc. Gradually, your wife will become more comfortable with her body and with you.
– Criticism will kill your sex life and your marriage. Criticism erodes the foundation of a marriage – it’s all about fear and control.
– Begin writing down a list of things that you like about your spouse.
– A healthy sexual relationship fulfills both the husband and wife’s desires, it is what the way the Creator meant it to be.
– If you have small children or do not have family around, find another couple or two and form a co-op in which you could watch their children and you could watch your children another evening. This will give you opportunity to take your wife on a date.
– Your brain is the best sex organ that you have.
– 8 ways to make love with your wife outside of the bedroom:
1. Set up a shopping day for her and provide the cash or credit card
2. Clean up the basement and garage.
3. Pick up your own mess, hers and the children’s mess.
4. Wash the dishes.
5. Don’t pee on the toilet seat; put the toilet seat back down after you use the bathroom.
6. Always ask her for her opinion.
7. Take the kids to the doctor or dentist appointment… or anywhere.
8. Hire a limo to pick her up for her birthday dinner.
– A supportive spouse makes all the difference for past abuse in the spouse’s life.
– In a couple’s sex life, there’s only room for two; no comparisons are allowed.
– Pornography is destructive to a marriage. Looking at pornography will make when you have sex that erotic pictures come to mind instead of your wife.
– Pornography will not allow you to enjoy sex with your wife. Pornography “de-peopleizes” and destroys.
– If you have had struggles with porn, go to drastic measures to put protection on your devices or unhook your Internet. Let your wife know about it and beat that struggle.
– If both of you are not feeling prized and good after having sex, it is not healthy sex.
– It is easy to get the marriage kicked off well, but it is not easy to continue having a good and strong marriage… but you can if you will work at it.