Things I wished I’d Known Before We Got Married Book Review

Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married 

By Gary Chapman

  • Your wedding day is only the beginning of your marriage, not the climax of it.
  • Like mother like daughter or like father like son is not just a cute saying, it is true. Our environment makes us who we are. That doesn’t mean we cannot change, but it does mean that we are likely to repeat the behaviors we grew up with if we do not learn and work at it.
  • We are more like our parents than we realize.
  • Get to know your future in-laws because those are the habits and traits your spouse will one day have.
  • Conflicts do not mean that you married the wrong person, they just prove that you are human. You have your set of opinions and believe they’re right – and your spouse has their set of opinions and believes they’re right.
  • When there’s a conflict, your first step in fixing it is to listen instead of talk. 
  • The key to fixing conflict is compromise. That word is not negative, it means that you are willing to yield some of your opinions to what your spouse thinks.
  • When there is a conflict, maybe you need to meet in the middle or even meet later, but you do not have to let the conflict split you up.
  • Learning to apologize is actually sign of strength.
  • Apologizing is an emotional decision, knowing you hurt the other person.
  • Real men do cry and real men do apologize. 
  • If you will learn how to apologize in a sincere way, your marriage and relationships will be much greater.
  • Forgiveness is not a feeling.
  • When someone offends another person, automatic barrier goes up. These barriers cannot be removed unless there is a sincere apology and/or real forgiveness.
  • There are no healthy marriages without sincere apologies and forgiveness.
  • Discuss marital rolls and come to an agreement on specific areas for each of you – if you cannot agree before you are married, what makes you think you can agree after you are married?
  • When you get married, it is no longer my money and your money, it becomes our money.
  • Good plan of use for your money is the 10-10-80 principal. You save 10%, give 10% away and spend 80% on normal payments (house, car, food, etc.).
  • Decide who will keep the books, how you budget, and that you will never make a big purchase without talking to the other person.
  • Mutual sexual fulfillment will not naturally happen, you have to know this so that you can work at it.
  • For women, sex begins in the kitchen. A man cannot verbally abuse his wife and 30 minutes later ask her to make love expecting her to enjoy it.
  • Foreplay is much more important to the woman than it is to the man. If a man expects sex without foreplay, his wife might feel violated.
  • Sex is more than intercourse, it is a bonding and uniting.
  • Communication is the key that will unlock sexual pleasure. If you have never spoken to your spouse about what pleases them, you may have a wrong idea of what sex feels to your spouse.
  • If you’re not going to be honest, open, and talk about your religious beliefs before you get married, you probably will not do it after marriage either. You should talk to the one that you are going to marry about their beliefs before you ever get married.

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