By Kari Kampakis (summary by Jeffrey Bush)
- Remember that God chose you for your child.
- Let your daughter know that only Jesus is perfect, and you need Him just like she
needs Him. - Remember that God loves your daughter much more than you can. Remember also
that you are not alone, and you need help from God and others. - Your relationship will never be perfect, but it can be exceptional.
- Your daughter needs you, and you need her.
- We don’t give up on what God has given us (daughter) because God does not give
up on us.
10 ways to find joy and connection with your teenage daughter:
- Choose your words and timing carefully.
Criticism is a killer of relationships.
Words have power, and your words as a parent have superpowers. - Listen and empathize with her world.
Listen to your daughter attentively.
Proverbs 18:13. - Be her mom.
You can outsource many things, but you cannot outsource your God-
given role as a parent.
Don’t be afraid to parent.
Your child might not understand rules now, but you are the parent.
Make your daughter aware of choices and consequences.
Don’t wait to have the difficult conversations with your daughter.
Help your daughter learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. She
will need to make decisions to do what’s right in life and it will not always
be comfortable.
Some parents work on rules with their children, and some parents work
on relationship – a wise parent does both.
Proverbs 29:17.
The question is not if your daughter will mess up rather how will you help
her when she messes up.
- Make relationship a priority.
Teenagers are human, and like any other human, they do better listening
from someone they know loves them.
Take the lead in cultivating a strong relationship with your daughter.
Apologize when you are wrong.
Be concise; she most likely will not listen to you give a long lecture, so be
concise.
Let go of regret.
Don’t compare your relationship with that of other parents/teens. Every
relationship has peaks and valleys, good and difficult seasons.
Give your daughter space when needed instead of peppering her with
questions.
Spend one on one time together.
Express specifically what you love about her.
Show affection, even when she does not reciprocate.
Show up, do your best, and keep trying.
Don’t take rejection personally.
Have fun together, don’t be afraid to be silly.
- See the good, loving her as she is where she is.
Recognize her potential.
Be the first to believe in her in the last to lose faith.
No one enjoys being around a person that expects perfection.
Be quick to point out when she does something right.
Praise her and applaud her.
Love her as she is.
Love her where she is.
When you become impatient with your daughter, remember how patient
God is with you.
Treat your daughter like she is already the person she has potential of
being.
Remember your own mess-ups.
Remember your influence with your daughter.
Those closest to us are the ones who can hurt us the most, so remember
this before you react or blow up.
Your daughter may look grown-up, but her brain is still developing, so
help her.
Know that your daughter is already criticizing herself.
- Help her find good friends and positive influences.
Friendships help get through adolescent years but friendships don’t
always stay the same.
Friendship for your daughter are just like friendships for you, they make
life better.
Help your daughter understand that the closer she is to God, the better
friend she can be.
A great friendship keeps God at the center.
Friendships make life better, but they do not eliminate all problems.
Only God is perfect and can give all the help needed — help your
daughter understands that.
Forced friendships, always expire.
Friendships should be a source of encouragement, not of stress.
Help your daughter know she needs the right friends, and needs to avoid
the wrong friends.
It is important that your daughter knows that good company will help her
while bad company will pull her down.
Your friends reveal your future, so help your daughter find the right
friends.
Get to know your daughter’s friends.
- Be her emotional coach.
Give your daughter space for her feelings and emotions.
Teach your daughter how to resolve conflict.
Limit her social media time.
Don’t be afraid of setting boundaries when needed.
Teach your daughter empathy – every day is a new opportunity to
practice empathy towards others.
Help her cultivate a healthy thought life.
Remember to be an example, because your daughter sees more in you
than she hears from you.
See conflicts as opportunities.
Teach your daughter to have an intimate walk with God.
Remember that you need good mental health in order to help your
daughter.
James 1:5 — God offers the wisdom you need.
Your daughter’s emotions can make her or break her, and you have the
responsibility to help her know how to navigate those emotions.
- Enjoy her, laugh often, and have fun.
Pay attention to the little things your daughter enjoys.
Randomly stop by your daughter’s bed and pray for her.
Do something fun with her like buy her something out of the norm, or
watch a movie late at night.
Take her to a coffee shop.
Play a board game or cards with her.
Surprise her with a gift or going somewhere.
Plan a party for her by picking up all her friends and taking them
somewhere.
Be present when you are with her.
- Take care of yourself and have a support system for hard days.
Exercise.
Go to the doctor when you need it.
Stop beating yourself up.
The script in your head matters, be careful what you tell yourself.
Don’t dwell on past regrets.
Yesterday is over and today is a new day.
Turn outward and not inward. Get help with problems instead of isolating
yourself. God and others are there to help you.
Know yourself and set limits for what you can and cannot do.
Teenagers need space and help, and it’s easier to give them the space
and help they need.
- Pray for her and empower her through faith.
Pray for your daughter to make the right decisions.
Pray for God to cultivate a love for Him and others in her heart.
Pray for her health.
Pray for her to seek God’s approval over men’s approval.
Pray for her to have good friends.
Pray for her future spouse.
Pray she will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and have strong convictions.
Remember it’s not in your prayers but in the One to whom you are
praying.