Everyone Communicates, Few Connect
By John Maxwell
You can learn to communicate to any person at any situation
- Think about others
- Capture their interests, inspire
Learning to communicate with others is one of the most important skills to learn
- Connecting is all about others
- If you only think of yourself and not connect with others, you will isolate yourself, offending and hurting others
- Value others, connect with others
- Its not about you, its about them
- Change the focus on inward not outward
Many think that the conversation is about themselves because of the following reasons:
- Maturity – maturity is the ability to see and act on others. Focus on others. You’re not the center of the universe.
- Ego – Being caught in self love doesn’t allow you to connect. If you are more worried about the speech then connecting with people, you will lose them. All speakers all wonderfully received when they warmly connect with the audience.
- Failure to value everyone – to add value to others, you must value others. Don’t ignore people. All people are significant.
- Insecurity – the more you are seeking approval from audience, the more it becomes about yourself. Have an attitude of selflessness.
3 Questions to connect with people:
- Do you care for me? There should be a mutual concern. Care for others, you will connect with them. If you care you can Connect with people and will make your life better and theirs.
- Can you help me? Focus on what benefits you can offer to someone. Focus on benefits.
- Can I trust you? Trust is vital to any business and life itself. Keep reminding yourself to connect with others.
What we say only accounts for 7%; the way we say it accounts for 38%; the way others perceive it accounts for 55%.
- What people say verbally (Connect verbally) – In the first 7 seconds people will decide all about who you are. Movement conveys a clearer message. Environment plays a huge role in communication
– If you want to connect with others, be prepared to make adjustments.
- What people understand (Connect intellectually) – communication must go beyond words. Connecting must go beyond words.
The teacher is not good because of what he knows rather because of what his students know – John Maxwell, communicating and connecting.
How not to connect:
- Be Monotone
- Look down, not at the people
- Think it is all about you, no need to help them
- Assumption – think they know something or behave a certain way
- Arrogance – live on higher ground, overlook them
- Indifference – not care about the way they do or think.
Repetition is key to learning.
Tell people what you are going to say, say it and then remind them of what you just said
- Say it clearly – you must be able to see it clearly in your mind to say clearly with your mouth. Have one main idea.
- Say less – better they think you speak too little than too much. Some of the greatest speeches are many times the shortest ones.
There are no bad audiences, only bad speakers. If people are sleeping, someone should go upfront and wake up the speaker.
Communicate in the world of the audience – say things in the perspective of the listeners.
Tips on communicating with your audience:
- Ask questions – interact with them by asking questions (to respond or just making them think)
- Get people moving – stand, move or do something.
- Have the audience Interact with each (talking, shaking hands, looking, etc.)
- Say it so it’ll stick – package it in a fresh and clever way so that it will be remembered.
- Don’t be predictable – people go to sleep because they know where you are going so throw them off by saying something or going a way they did not expect.
- Tell stories – everyone loves stories; it wakes them up and puts interest back into the people.
Some people inspire us more than others do.
What they know + what they see + how they feel = inspiration.
The inspiration factor:
- What people need to know – people need to know that you are on their side. People need to know that you understand them and are focused on them. Inspiring communicators always expect something from their listeners. Everyone wants someone to challenge him or her. Great speakers inspire others.
- What they see – their perception of the speaker. People need to see your conviction. They need to see your credibility. People need to see evidence of your character. The real message does not stop when your speech stops.
- What they need to feel – people will not always remember what you say or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel. People must see your vision – vision without passion is like a picture without purpose. Passion is powerful. People need to see your confidence in yourself and in them. People need to feel your gratitude towards them. You as a speaker should be grateful that they would stay and give you their ear.
Inspiration connects with people.
Don’t just inspire people call them to action. Most people already know more than they do; the good communicator will help people with their follow through.
A motivational teacher makes you feel good but the next day you do not know what to do; an inspirational teacher makes you feel good and the next day you’ll know what to do. One makes you feel good and the other makes you do good. We should help people move from the know-how to the do-now. The true test of inspiration is action.
With credibility leaders connect with people, without credibility leaders disconnect from people.
Wisdom is knowing the right thing to do; integrity is doing the right thing.