By Gary Smalley (summary by Jeffrey Bush)
- Identify things that can damage your game plan of progress.
- When your wife is offended, her spirit, soul, and body closes up. Although there are
many ways to offend your wife, here are some principal ways: speaking harsh words,
telling her that her opinion doesn’t matter, making jokes at her expense, taking her
for granted, not appreciating her, not trusting her, being rude to her in front of others,
and dismissing her needs. - A man does many things to close his wife’s spirit, but the key is to find ways to open
it back up. - Here are attitudes that can drain a damaged spirit:
- Become soft and tender towards your wife. You didn’t get to where you are
quickly, so you need to be willing to spend the time to be soft and tender. - Understand as much as possible, what your wife has went through. Listening
communicates to your wife that you care for her. - Acknowledge that your wife is hurting, and then admit your mistake and seek
forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness opens your wife’s heart back up towards
you. - Show genuine repentance. As a matter of the heart, mind, and behavior.
- Listen to understand, and listen with your heart.
- A good listener is patient, doesn’t do something else at the same time, is focused on
the person, makes eye contact, and does not grunt responses. - Listening takes time, and that’s why so few are good at it. Your wife wants to know
that she has been heard. - Solutions seem to come when both take the time to understand each other.
- A genuine attitude is key when seeking forgiveness.
- Having a humble spirit is probably the best way to melt your wife’s angry and closed
spirit. Humility improves a situation by leaps of bounds. - Honoring your wife puts feet to the words “I love you.”
- Learn to have sacrificial love. To sacrifice is to give up, and that’s what you must do
for your wife – let her choose in almost every area. - Trust is a cornerstone to marriage. If trust has been broken, ask your wife for a list of
things you can do to win her trust back. If she will not give you an answer, ask some
of her friends to give you a list. - Don’t make it your goal to just get your wife’s trust back, make it your goal to be the
man God wants you to be, and the man your wife needs. - Join an accountability group to help you be and to continue being the man you
should be. - A woman has four basic needs that help her feel deeply loved:
- Unconditional security—making plans, cultivating a spirit of truthfulness, etc.
- Meaningful words – this is like water to a dry soul. No marriage can survive
without communication. Your relationship will be as good as your
communication. - Emotional, romantic bonding. Romance does not just happen.
- Positive, physical touching. Nonsexual touching is extremely important for
your wife. Hugging, patting, massaging, and touching in nonsexual ways.