The Intimate Marriage
by RC Sproul
– Why do we have marriage? Is it just some traditional thing that we do. Marriage was created, ordained and instituted by God, not by man.
– Marriage is one of the greatest institutions created, but is also one of the most dangerous. Marriage is where you can have the greatest happiness as well as have the greatest disappointments, most frustration and most pain.
– They were naked and unashamed. Nakedness is usually equated with shame – no one wants to be naked in front of others. Yet God sees us naked and still loves us. The only place that nakedness is not a shame is in the bond of marriage.
– You can be naked in your marriage in every way – should never humiliate each other, rather totally open. The clothes are off because you have nothing to hide.
– The Bible many times uses the phrase “to know” as to have sex with… not because the Bible is avoiding the word sex, but because intimacy is truly knowing someone.
– You can impress someone by putting on cologne, looking macho or dressing nicely, but what will they think of you when they truly know you. Marriage is truly knowing someone. When dating, you only think you know someone, but in marriage you really get to know the person. Intimacy takes place when you truly know someone.
– Marriage cannot be sustained by feelings, you must have knowledge… we must get to know our spouse.
– To have knowledge, to get to know something, we must study it.
– Two reasons why people cannot have sex with their spouse (although we try to call it impotency or fidgety, etc.)
1. Fear Fear of performance. But the more you demonstrate love, the fear vanishes. Perfect love cast out all fear according to I John 4:18. Fear of being hurt physically – some women have been abused as children or even raped. (Some husbands may be tough, but not tender.)
2. Fear of discovery – that your kids will walk in, no privacy, etc. Fear of pregnancy We need to communicate to find out what each other are afraid of, we should never force our spouse to do something they do not want to do.
3. Guilt – of past sins, etc. We must get rid of guilt.
– The three biggest enemies of harmony in marriage, according to secular psychologist, are: sex, money and interferences of in-laws.
– Words or disregarding remarks are a great destroyer of marriages.
– The book of Song of Solomon is filled with complements between spouses. The tongue and usage of words is very important in marriage.
– The book of James says that the most destructive member of the body is the tongue. With it we bless God and curse man.
– We say that sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us, but that is a lie. We can break an arm and heal, but the words cut deeper and hurt us.
– When first married, you went out of your way to cherish your wife, and your words were one of the biggest ways you did that… and you still can and should do that. What you say with your mouth will reveal how much cherish your wife.
– There are certain things that we cannot take back – a flying arrow, etc. And in that list is a spoken word. We may say something and then say we should not have said it, but it is too late. Think before you speak.
– Psychologist say that it takes 9 complements to outweigh 1 criticism.
– As Christ is preparing to present his bride unblemished & perfect to God, so should a husband with his bride – not with bruises, or marred up, but perfect.
– We are to love our wife as we do our own body, to love and cherish her – that is my job, to love and cherish her.