Tag: Grace

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Love Her Well

By Kari Kampakis (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • Remember that God chose you for your child.
  • Let your daughter know that only Jesus is perfect, and you need Him just like she
    needs Him.
  • Remember that God loves your daughter much more than you can. Remember also
    that you are not alone, and you need help from God and others.
  • Your relationship will never be perfect, but it can be exceptional.
  • Your daughter needs you, and you need her.
  • We don’t give up on what God has given us (daughter) because God does not give
    up on us.

10 ways to find joy and connection with your teenage daughter:

  1. Choose your words and timing carefully.
    Criticism is a killer of relationships.
    Words have power, and your words as a parent have superpowers.
  2. Listen and empathize with her world.
    Listen to your daughter attentively.
    Proverbs 18:13.
  3. Be her mom.

You can outsource many things, but you cannot outsource your God-
given role as a parent.

Don’t be afraid to parent.
Your child might not understand rules now, but you are the parent.
Make your daughter aware of choices and consequences.
Don’t wait to have the difficult conversations with your daughter.
Help your daughter learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. She
will need to make decisions to do what’s right in life and it will not always
be comfortable.
Some parents work on rules with their children, and some parents work
on relationship – a wise parent does both.
Proverbs 29:17.
The question is not if your daughter will mess up rather how will you help
her when she messes up.

  1. Make relationship a priority.

Teenagers are human, and like any other human, they do better listening
from someone they know loves them.
Take the lead in cultivating a strong relationship with your daughter.
Apologize when you are wrong.
Be concise; she most likely will not listen to you give a long lecture, so be
concise.
Let go of regret.
Don’t compare your relationship with that of other parents/teens. Every
relationship has peaks and valleys, good and difficult seasons.
Give your daughter space when needed instead of peppering her with
questions.
Spend one on one time together.
Express specifically what you love about her.
Show affection, even when she does not reciprocate.
Show up, do your best, and keep trying.
Don’t take rejection personally.
Have fun together, don’t be afraid to be silly.

  1. See the good, loving her as she is where she is.

Recognize her potential.
Be the first to believe in her in the last to lose faith.
No one enjoys being around a person that expects perfection.
Be quick to point out when she does something right.
Praise her and applaud her.
Love her as she is.
Love her where she is.
When you become impatient with your daughter, remember how patient
God is with you.
Treat your daughter like she is already the person she has potential of
being.
Remember your own mess-ups.
Remember your influence with your daughter.
Those closest to us are the ones who can hurt us the most, so remember
this before you react or blow up.
Your daughter may look grown-up, but her brain is still developing, so
help her.
Know that your daughter is already criticizing herself.

  1. Help her find good friends and positive influences.

Friendships help get through adolescent years but friendships don’t
always stay the same.
Friendship for your daughter are just like friendships for you, they make
life better.
Help your daughter understand that the closer she is to God, the better
friend she can be.
A great friendship keeps God at the center.
Friendships make life better, but they do not eliminate all problems.
Only God is perfect and can give all the help needed — help your
daughter understands that.
Forced friendships, always expire.
Friendships should be a source of encouragement, not of stress.
Help your daughter know she needs the right friends, and needs to avoid
the wrong friends.
It is important that your daughter knows that good company will help her
while bad company will pull her down.

Your friends reveal your future, so help your daughter find the right
friends.
Get to know your daughter’s friends.

  1. Be her emotional coach.

Give your daughter space for her feelings and emotions.
Teach your daughter how to resolve conflict.
Limit her social media time.
Don’t be afraid of setting boundaries when needed.
Teach your daughter empathy – every day is a new opportunity to
practice empathy towards others.
Help her cultivate a healthy thought life.
Remember to be an example, because your daughter sees more in you
than she hears from you.
See conflicts as opportunities.
Teach your daughter to have an intimate walk with God.
Remember that you need good mental health in order to help your
daughter.
James 1:5 — God offers the wisdom you need.
Your daughter’s emotions can make her or break her, and you have the
responsibility to help her know how to navigate those emotions.

  1. Enjoy her, laugh often, and have fun.

Pay attention to the little things your daughter enjoys.
Randomly stop by your daughter’s bed and pray for her.
Do something fun with her like buy her something out of the norm, or
watch a movie late at night.
Take her to a coffee shop.
Play a board game or cards with her.
Surprise her with a gift or going somewhere.
Plan a party for her by picking up all her friends and taking them
somewhere.
Be present when you are with her.

  1. Take care of yourself and have a support system for hard days.

Exercise.
Go to the doctor when you need it.

Stop beating yourself up.
The script in your head matters, be careful what you tell yourself.
Don’t dwell on past regrets.
Yesterday is over and today is a new day.
Turn outward and not inward. Get help with problems instead of isolating
yourself. God and others are there to help you.
Know yourself and set limits for what you can and cannot do.
Teenagers need space and help, and it’s easier to give them the space
and help they need.

  1. Pray for her and empower her through faith.

Pray for your daughter to make the right decisions.
Pray for God to cultivate a love for Him and others in her heart.
Pray for her health.
Pray for her to seek God’s approval over men’s approval.
Pray for her to have good friends.
Pray for her future spouse.
Pray she will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and have strong convictions.
Remember it’s not in your prayers but in the One to whom you are
praying.

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Grieving

By James R. White (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • God’s promise is that He’ll be with His children as they mourn, not that He will keep
    them from such things.
  • Christians are not spared from grief, but they are spared from grief without hope.
  • The culture avoids speaking of grief. It is expected for one to handle things on their
    own, but grief is not handled well alone.
  • The big question about grief is how much time someone needs to get over it. The
    truth is that one will never fully get over it.
  • The greatest pressures through the grief process is not from others (employers,
    friends and family), rather from one’s self.
  • Grieving is natural, it takes time, and it is individual.
  • How one deals with the grieving process will determine if one becomes angry, lonely,
    or bitter.
  • Isolation feeds on fear, and fear feeds on isolation.
  • Shock and numbness comes first. Then comes the storm of feelings and emotions
    we must work through. Then we must unlearn old habits tied to the person no longer
    with us, and learn new ones based on our new reality of life.
  • If we do not believe God is in control and works all for our good (Romans 8:28), we
    might have a real problem.
  • It’s ok to be happy. Many in grief feel like they cannot enjoy themselves, or it’s a lack
    of respect to the lost loved one.
  • Grief deceives making us think we’ll only be happy getting back how things were
    before.
  • Avoid the temptation of giving up when it’s not easy. Move ahead with necessary
    actions.
  • Take advantage of the grace God has given through talking to others. There are good
    people in your church and community that are there for you.
  • A big thing that has helped so many to refocus and get back to a joyful life is service
    to others. When one starts helping others, it pulls them from the downward spiral of
    looking downward and inward.
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Simple Discipleship Book Review by Jeff Bush

By Dana Allin

  • Discipleship is more of a journey than it is an event. 
  • Making disciples is the primary task to which Jesus calls us.
  • Many churches know that making disciples is a core value of the church, and will even put it in their mission statement, but are failing at doing it.
  • Discipleship, which is helping others love Jesus more, has too often been overcomplicated.
  • A reason we’ve failed in making disciples is because we do not have a clear, Biblical understanding of what a disciple of Jesus is to look like. 
  • If the church helps people love God with their heads and hands, yet not with their hearts, they’re doing a great disservice.
  • As churches, we sometimes confront discipleship as everyone needs to grow in the same areas, but that is not always the case.
  • We are not only saved by grace, but we continue to grow in grace as disciples of Christ.
  • Discipleship is so much more than dispensing information. A big misconception is that the more information we have, the more transformation will occur.
  • True discipleship is about being transformed.
  • Discipleship transformation does not happen at a microwave speed.
  • To disciple, a person should know you care for them and they’re not just a project. 
  • True growth takes time and intentional effort.
  • A mistake in discipleship is feeling you have to be a mentor, which is one who has more experience. It is good to see yourself as a coach, which doesn’t mean you are better than the other person, yet you are drawing out the best of the other person.
  • Clarify your goal as where you want the person to be after completing discipleship.
  • Be careful as you give advice. Do not try to offer solutions for everything they ask, rather ask questions questions that will help them think through what they need to do.
  • If you can help disciples, think for themselves, they will be better prepared to disciple others in the future.
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Reset Book Review by Jeff Bush

By David Murray

  • Just as a runner must set his pace or he will lose the race, so must we do as Christians. Pastors and ministry workers are getting tired and quitting way too often. 
  • We might say we believe in sovereign grace, but we yell and scream when things don’t go our way in ministry. We must realize it is God that gives the increase. 
  • Not all life or ministry depends on you.
  • Yes, it is better to give than to receive, but if we never receive we will end up drying up.
  • We must learn to slow down and pace ourselves in life and ministry. Not just so that we may live longer, but we will be more joyful, fruitful, and grateful as a result.
  • There are warning lights that are physical (insomnia, being aggravated, etc.), spiritual (still preaching or teaching, but not getting anything from it, not being touched by sermons from others, etc.), marital, mental, etc. Pay attention to these warnings. 
  • If you don’t slow down, God might slow you down.
  • God is a God of order, not of confusion, and we should live orderly lives. 
  • If you do not prioritize your life, someone else will prioritize it for you.
  • To prioritize life, we should break things up into four categories: definitely do, desire to do, delay to do, and don’t do.
  • We must learn to prune in areas. Instead of making a millimeter of progress in a million areas, it would be better to make much progress in a few areas. 
  • We must learn to say no to the nonessential so that we can say yes to the essentials. Learn to say a slow yes and a quick, no.
  • What we eat affects our mood. 
  • What energizes one person does not necessarily energize another person.
  • Replenishment is supposed to be for every day, not for once or twice a year when you get away from everything.
  • Our parenting as fathers should represent well the Fatherhood of our God.
  • Contentment in ministry is secret to longevity in ministry.
  • Sometimes God lets His children go through the wilderness university, and once broken and taught, can use us greater.