Category: Book Reviews

Happy Wives Club

by Fawn Weaver

 

– There is such a thing as having a happy marriage.

– Movies, sitcom’s, magazines and society tells us otherwise, but marriage can be strong, fulfilling and happy.

– Hollywood and media seems to be fixed on divorce.

– Marriage should be your plan A & B and there should be no other plans.

– Once you say something, you cannot take it back, it will be in the brain forever.

– Laughing is an important ingredient to a good marriage.

– A good marriage doesn’t have perfect spouses rather imperfect ones who are working to consistently become better.

– Hanging around with people who badmouth their spouses will begin to cause you to look for defects and badmouth your spouse.

– Going to bed mad at your spouse is assuming that you will wake up the next day to continue the argument — but what a tragedy it would be if you don’t wake up together tomorrow.

– The key to a good marriage is not what you receive but what you give.

– Marriages that fail usually fail because they are self-focused, looking for their own happiness.

– You must give what you want — if you want respect, then give it, etc.

– Marriage changes when you have children, but it does not have to change for the worse.

– Love and mutual respect are two things those happily married for over 25 years have in common.

– Just because you go to church does not mean you will have a happy marriage, but becoming a stronger Christian will improve your marriage.

– Gratitude toward your spouse will change your marriage.

– You can care for your children and still keep your marriage as priority.

– Happiness in marriage is a choice.

– Here are the 12 things that happily married couples had in common, according to a survey by the author:

1. Respect

2. Trust

3. Belief in God

4. Laughter

5. Keep outside interests (hobby, sport, etc.)

6. Create a daily ritual

7. Date your spouse

8. Support your spouse

9. Friendship is essential

10. Nurture your marriage

11. No plan B

12. Choose your friends wisely

Grace Based Parenting

by Tim Kimmel

 

– Parenting is one of the greatest positions in the world.

– Good intentions are not enough when it comes to parenting.

– Many parents have the fear strategy for parenting — they are afraid or want to avoid the world, homosexuality, vices, bad propaganda, etc., and they focus on that as parents.

– Fear-based parenting will result in kids that will look clean but not necessarily love God. God teaches and commands us over and over throughout His Word to not fear.

– Another type of parenting is behavior moderation parenting. This is the assumption that the right environment and removal of bad influence will surely make a child turn out well.

– Another type of parenting is image-controlled parenting. This is parenting where you assume people will know how good of a Christian you are by the good church attendance, haircut, no bad movies, etc. Kids know when you are living by a checklist instead of letting God lead. There is nothing wrong with doing good things, but there is something wrong the motive being that others see you and think you’re good because of how your children act.

– Another type of parenting is high-controlled parenting. This is not simply teaching them to do right, but controlling everything that they do. This, many times, will result in toxic fear, toxic anger, toxic strength and much more. High-controlled parents are blind to their control because they justify why they do everything they do… so they cannot see how this is going to result in destruction.

– Another type of parenting is herd parenting. This is where parents follow the fads of what is popular. If sports are the thing, they go that way. If a certain activity, dress, church or whatever is what everyone is doing, that’s the way they herd their children.

– Another type of parenting is duct tape parenting. This is trying to fix every little problem and situation in life, making it the most important thing to do.

– Many parenting styles are based on fear because we have a flawed view of God.

– Judgmental parenting would be comparing to everyone else — “at least we’re not that bad.”

– Legalistic parenting is where we are always trying to win brownie points with God. But these parents always appear stressed out because of how busy they are trying to do good for God. This is the idea of you are bad, but keep trying and you may please God.

– Grace-based parenting is the best way to go. Kids do not live by a checklist. They love God and want to please God, so they examine things but are happy and free. They are not driven by guilt and feeling a need to do penance.

– Grace does not ignore boundaries or live however it wishes, but grace realizes it needs God and God’s help. Grace-based parenting is based on how God loves, lifts up and helps us although we do not need it. It loves in spite of forgives would need it.

 

– Your children’s three greatest needs are:

 

1. A Need for Security

• Kids want and need a security of love. They should not have to act a certain way, do something or fulfill in order to be loved. Regardless of their appearance, behavior, talents or strengths, they should always be loved. Kids need love.

• Saying that we love them is good, but it’s not enough. We must love them like Christ loves us. Love them when they are unappreciative, undeserving and unloving.

• This does not mean that we ignore their sin, disobedience or bad behavior. Just as God does not ignore our sin, so we do not ignore their’s, but we still love them in spite of.

• Pointing out where our children mess up, their flaws and their failures will lead to insecurity instead of secure love. We must be careful that our focus is not on the negative.

• Kids need to hear that their parents are proud of them, love them and want them. If they think that you’re never satisfied (you wish she was a boy instead of a girl, or they are a hindrance to your lives) they will live with that insecurity.

• Kids feel secure love when there is open and constant love and affection.

 

2. A Need for Significance

• Help your children know that they matter and help them to find purpose in life.

• They need to have a general purpose of fearing God and serving God. God has made every person in this world with a spiritual dimension. Every person needs God, including your children. They will be lost in this world without purpose and aim, unless they know God.

• Not only do they need to know God, but they also need a specific purpose. Help them know where and how they fit in. Help them find a talent or something they like to do or do well. Everyone has specific gifts, talents and interests they have been given by God.

• They also need relational purpose. God did not create us to be a hermit and live by ourselves. They need to learn how to relate to others and live in a world with other people.

• Help of them purpose by:

A. Affirmation — Children need to know that they are loved and accepted.

B. Attention — Kids need and want your attention as a parent. Our attention of the finer details show that we love them and care for them. Our God shows attention to the details of our lives, and we should do the same with our children.

C. Admonished — Children feel more secure when they are admonished. Rules, boundaries and guidelines should be set in place for your children.

• We are to teach our children discipline, but we are to model it as well in our ow lives — Hebrews 12:11.

 

3. A Need for Strength Grace-based homes are homes where kids have:

1. Freedom to be Different

• There are issues that are biblically wrong, but there are many issues that we dislike as parents yet they’re not necessarily wrong. Our children need freedom to be different and do things even though we might not do it like that.

2. Freedom to be Vulnerable

• Our children will have emotional struggles and will be immature, but we must be careful as parents not to overreact, under-react or just plain write them off. Give them room to learn things.

• We must be careful not to dismiss their concerns, thoughts or questions. God teaches us to take cast all our cares on Him. He might be a busy God with the bigger picture, but he lets us go to Him with our small problems. And we should treat our children like God treats us.

3. Freedom to be Candid

• Candid camera was a show where people got caught doing silly things that they would not do if they knew they were on camera. Your kids are going to act silly and express themselves, but they should not be criticized, mocked or ignored as a result. They should be welcomed to act like themselves at home.

4. Freedom to make Mistakes

• Kids are going to make mistakes. Quit believing that your kids will never mess up and realize that they will.

• When your children messes up, forgive them, kill the fatted calf and move on. Don’t try to relive those pains, forgive and move on.

 

– The Grace-based home is like the prodigal son’s father: he leave the porch light on because the grace is on the inside not the outside.

– Treat our children as God treats us, with Grace, and other areas we lack in will fall into place.

From This Day Forward

by Craig Groeschel

 

– Learn to fight fair. Many couples fight for personal victory when they should be fighting for resolution.

– Be quick to listen

– James 1:19 – Slow to speak. Proverbs 18:2. Wait for your turn to jump in or state your point.

– Ask yourself if what you are about to say should be said and then ask yourself if what you’re about to say should be said right now. It might not need to be said at all. It may not be the right time to say something. Just remember that what you say cannot be taken back.

– Slow to anger – James 1:19. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings by repeating back what they said to you and making sure you understand it.

– Work on your marriage during non-conflict times.

– The best time to make rules for how you’re going to fight is to establish them before you ever start fighting. Agree that you will not yell or walk out on each other, etc.

– Don’t use harsh words such as never or always.

– Don’t keep score cards — love doesn’t keep records of the bad.

– Never threaten with divorce.

– Don’t quote your pastor or another person while fighting — leave them out of it.

– Your unresolved anger can give the devil a foothold, so learn to resolve things.

 

– To avoid in our attitudes:

1. Criticism.

• Don’t criticize your spouse in public or private.

• It’s one thing to ask them to change, but it’s a whole other to criticize about it.

2. Contempt.

• This is bubbled up anger that has not been fixed.

3. Defensiveness.

• This is a sure sign that you need help.

• Blaming the other person for what you did.

4. Stonewalling.

• This is the form of doing whatever you have to do to get your way.

• This would be ignoring the problem, refusing to talk about it or denying that even exists.

– Don’t fight for personal victory, fight for resolution and restoration. Don’t fight your spouse, fight to keep your marriage together.

– If you win every fight but destroy your relationship in the process, what have you really won?

– When you are married, love is no longer a luxury, it must be a requirement. The natural romance of when you were dating is not present, and, since you have already conquered your spouse because you’re married, you have to intentionally keep fun in the marriage.

– If you don’t work at it and have some fun in your marriage, eventually you may not have a marriage to have fun with.

– When you were dating, it was fun being together and everything was so good, but now that you are married you must intentionally have fun or your marriage will shrivel up.

– Invest in a genuine, face-to-face time with your spouse on a consistent basis.

– Even if you don’t feel close to your spouse, start loving and serving her/him anyway. Remember that your feelings will follow your actions, so do and later you will feel it.

– If you want what you once had, then you must do what you once did.

– If you neglect each other for even a short season, you will have consequences. You must have fun together and be intentional about doing so.

– Invest in your romance. Make a plan, put it on the calendar and stick to it.

– Make a commitment to get back to the place where you are best friends in your marriage.

– Every step you take in the direction of looking at porn, flirting with a coworker or fantasizing about someone that is not your spouse will distance you one step further from your spouse.

– You may feel strong right now and see no need for accountability in your life, but temptations will be persistent if you’re not careful and they will take you down.

– Have accountability partners that are not your spouse and set things in motion to help you avoid falling.

 

– A few ways that God says to stay away from sinning in life:

1. Know and keep God‘s Word – Psalms 119:11

2. Maintain the standards that God has placed — let God know you in the most intimate areas of your life.

– Sin does not start on the outside, it begins on the inside. The seeds are planted inside way before they ever blossom. Matthew 5:27–28. The lust of the heart, flirting as if you were available, etc.

– Maintaining purity will always be a challenge for everyone no matter how old or the position he/she has.

– Jesus is the source of purity and holiness. Stay close to Him if you desire to be pure and holy. Don’t allow society to determine what you watch or accept in your home, stay close to Christ.

– Purity matters to Christ. What you look at, talk about, who you hang around and what you think about all determine our purity.

– Your marriage will be as good as you decide it to be.

– While adultery may be grounds for divorce, it is also grounds for forgiveness.

– We might think or say that opposite attract, but opposite also attack. You have to learn to accept your spouse as they are, not as you want them to be.

From Presentation to Standing Ovation

by Ron Tsang

 

– You may have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across then they are useless.

– Your voice, your words and your speech is meant to improve the lives of those around you.

– One of the greatest investments that you can make is the investment in bettering yourself – become a better speaker and become more knowledgeable of your subject.

– Each of us have a fire in our hearts for something, and it should be our life’s goal to find it and keep it lit.

– Communication does not begin with your audience understanding you, rather you understanding your audience. Get your focus and nerves off of you and put it on your audience; what they need, what they want and their expectations. Pay attention to your audience and your audience will pay attention to you.

– We could not live long enough to make enough mistakes, we must learn from others.

– Present with purpose. Random efforts lead to random results.

– If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough – Albert Einstein

– Audiences that are confused cannot react.

– According to Aristotle, there are three ways to convince your audience: use your credibility, make them think, and touch their heart.

– How will you conclude your presentation? The words you say at the last of your presentation will leave lasting impressions so make sure you close out with excellence.

– Conclude with a call to action that will leave people uplifted and knowing what to do.

– People want to know that you have knowledge on your subject and not just speaking from a script.

– Try to speak, not read from your notes — it’s much easier listening to someone talk rather than watch them read a script.

– When your eyes look down to your notes, you are not connecting with your audience.

– Instead of memorize, try to internalize. When you know your subject, you do not have to say word for word rather talk about what you know and have learned.

– Relive your stories instead of just re-telling them.

– Know very well your key points, especially how to begin and how to end.

– More people are impacted by a story with a truth than mere facts or stats.

– Tell me a fact and I will learn, tell me a truth and I will believe, tell me a story and it will live in my heart forever.

– Three goals when you are speaking in public: get into your subject, get your subject into you, and get your subject into your audience.

– Control your body language and you will control how the audience feels and receives your message.

– Smile and mean it.

 

– Ask yourself the following questions when preparing to teach or present:

1. What is the purpose of your presentations?

2. What is your core message?

3. How will you begin with a bang?

4. What is your first talking point and what are two or three examples you will use to illustrate your point?

5. What is your second talking point and what are two or three examples you will use to illustrate your point?

6. What is your third talking point and what are two or three examples you will use to illustrate your point?

7. How will you summarize?

8. How will you end?

For Married Men Only

by Tony Evans

 

– We love by choice no by feeling.

– You are to set aside your wants and desires for your wife. Too many marriages are hurt because there is no sacrifice involved.

– There is such a thing as winning the momentary battle but losing the marital war.

– Until you are willing and ready to die to yourself, don’t expect any change in your wife.

– A husband is to function as his wife’s pastor.

– When you married your wife, you also married her history, everything she has been to that point.

– What Jesus does for His bride, the church, the husband is to do for his bride, his wife.

– Don’t go around saying that you are the head of the house unless you are willing to say you are the pastor of the house as well, and are fulfilling that role.

– Don’t expect your congregation at home to get in line unless you are willing to fill your place behind the pulpit at home.

– A shepherd leads the sheep, he doesn’t drive them. That means he must be out front and know the way, growing himself, so that he can help the others along the way.

– A husband who is stagnant spiritually will have a hard time leading his wife.

– If a wife is miserable all the time, maybe she has a miserable husband. A wife is the husband’s mirror.

– A husband is to meet his wife’s needs. Remember that that is what Christ does for His bride.

– Most men talk a better game when they are dating then they play when they get married.

– Jesus picked up the towel and washed the disciple’s feet. He was teaching us and giving us an example. The husband is to serve his wife.

– A servant serves whether he feels like it or not.

– If you are to love your wife as you love your own body, here’s a simple rule: pamper and take care of her at least as much as you pamper and take care of yourself – now double that and you will be doing well.

– A husband is to study his wife because women are not easy to figure out, almost like a tourist going to a foreign country.

– If a waiter greets you happily at a restaurant but then disappears when you are ready to order a drink or food, you will probably not give the waiter a very big tip. The waiter’s lack of attention will frustrate you. Yet many times a husband wants a tip when he gets into bed at night, and wonders why the wife is not interested.

– You are joined together in marriage. That means that nothing is going to separate you, that you are going to leave other things off to the side and not let anything creep in the middle. Kick the thought of divorce out of your mind and vocabulary.

– We are to nourish our wives. To nourish your body, you take care of it by eating daily, not once a month. And to nourish our wives, we must daily care for them, not just every once in a while.

 

– Here are some ways you can nourish your wife:

1. Words of affirmation. You might not think that you have the right words to say and do not know how to affirm her, but you did a pretty good job while dating her to get her to marry you.

2. Quality time. It takes time to exercise and take care of your body, and so it will take time to take care for your wife.

3. Gifts. It’s not the price of the gift, but the fact that you took time and thought about her to get a gift.

4. Acts of service. We’ve already mentioned that it takes time to take care of our wives, so do some things that will help. Pick up something or put it back up or help clean up.

5. Physical touch. This is non-sexual. Just showing that you are there for her and love her.

First Things First

by Stephen Covey

 

– Nobody on their deathbed wished they had spent more time in the office.

– We are torn between things that we want to do and the demands upon us. The enemy of best is good.

– We must ask ourselves if we are doing the right things before we ask ourselves if we are doing the things right.

– We must focus more on doing what is important than doing what is urgent.

– Too many people live in the mindset of doing what is urgent yet not important. They get an adrenaline rush by doing it, but it does not accomplish much for your goals.

– The clock and the compass Is what you are spending your time on (clock), pointing in the direction you are wanting to go (compass)?

– Vision clarifies purpose.

– You must identify your roles in life, they represent your responsibilities you have to family and society.

– You must sharpen your saw. We often get so busy sawing, that we forget or neglect to sharpen our saw.

– Getting things done is like filling a jar with big rocks, then gravel, then sand and then water — if you would not have put the big rocks in first, they would’ve never fit in later. Your “big rocks” are the most important things that need to be done. If you work on all other things, you will not have time or room for the “big rocks.”

Finally Free

by Heath Lambert

 

– God has forgiving grace and transforming grace. You have the power to change and can change.

– There are two kinds of sorrows over sin: worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow is sad over the things one is about to lose, but godly sorrow is sad about hurting God.

– Until you realize what you’re sin is doing to your relationship with God, nothing is going to change.

– You will not be free from the sin of pornography until you realize that you need help from other brothers and sisters in Christ.

– We are commanded to carry the burdens of others (Galatians 6:1-2), so we should help our brothers that need help because one day we may need their help.

 

– Ways to better use accountability for our good:

1. Effective accountability does not rely solely on the other person (accountability partner). If you rely on other people as your only weapon in the battle against porn, you will fail. Accountability is important, but it is only one of the tools used in overcoming porn.

2. Effective accountability is involved earlier rather than later. Don’t just recognize your sin of the past, ask God to help you with future temptations.

3. Effective accountability involves someone with maturity. If you don’t find help from someone who has had victory over sin, someone who is spiritually mature and spends time with God, you’re likely not going to get help overcoming your sin. Galatians 6:1 implies that a more spiritual brother help a less spiritual brother; you need help from a stronger Christian.

4. Effective accountability involves someone with authority. Yes you need help from someone who is more spiritually mature, but you also need help from leadership – Hebrews 13:17. God has given more spiritual authority to spiritual leaders, so find one that can help you.

5. Effective accountability should avoid explicit details. Sharing details of struggles can fuel the fire for other temptations amongst the listeners. Ephesians 5:11-12. You cross a biblical line when you go from giving general details of sins to specific or gross details of sins.

6. Effective accountability places the responsibility of confession on the person with the problem.

7. Effective accountability must actually hold people accountable. Find someone with the desire and courage that will actually hold you accountable. This is more than just someone to meet with you, this is someone who will pray for you, receive your calls and talk with you. Commitment to help you overcome your sins.

 

– You can pray big and ask God to help you with the temptation, but if you do not do everything within your power to get rid of the accessibility (or availability), you are not going to overcome porn. Matthew 5:27-30

– There are two decisions and two outcomes; a easy path that leads to destruction and a hard path that leads to life.

– Radical measures must start in your thought life.

– Just as if you only ripped off the top of a plant it will grow back because the root is still there, so the nasty sin of porn will keep coming back if you only stop the physical measures. You must change your mindset, your thoughts, about ridding of the temptations and sin.

– Radical measures concerning your thoughts about porn:

1. Repent. Realize how this is hurting you, God and others.

2. Remember Scriptures. Scripture memory is what will help you overcome sin in your thoughts. Psalms 119:11 3. Reach out for help. You cannot fight this battle alone, you must call in reinforcements. Find people who will help you keep accountable and help you overcome this in your life.

 

– Radical measures concerning your time:

1. You must limit your time alone or you will not overcome porn. If you’re in a room with others, if your friends or pastor is with you, you will not be looking at porn, but when you are alone, the temptations are greater.

2. You must be honest with your accountability partner about the times that you were alone. You can study, be with others, play sports, etc., but you must be careful about being alone. Have someone call you at a specific time. Make sure someone knows where you are at, go to bed when your spouse does, be with a group or do whatever you need to in order not to be alone.

3. Take radical measures of your access to porn. Most people will view it over and over through the same access points. Allow someone to have access to your phone personal space at home. If you know stop you before looking. someone to have an access code to browse the Internet on your phone computer. If you have to go to the extreme of getting rid of devices, do it. The truth is that you do not need any devices to live, but you do need to be holy.

– Confessing your sins to others can be helpful. Just like surgery (removing the harmful so that you can heal), so can confession to others help.

– There is no mercy when you’re pride is not willing to humble and confess.

– Confess to those that are directly impacted by your sin, but be careful not to involve those that are not impacted by your sin or to give too many details because it could have the opposite effect.

– Proverbs 5:15-20

– Move from danger (the forbidden woman) to delight (your wife).

– People who look at porn he have an arrogant heart, it stems from pride. We are told that porn is a problem and that people run to porn because they are not fulfilled in other areas of their life, but this is not a problem we can blame on someone else.

– Looking at porn is an arrogant distain for our children and disrespect for God and the women we are looking at when we look at porn.

– It is impossible to look at porn and be humble at the same time.

– Use gratitude to overcome porn – Ephesians 5:3-4

– Looking at porn is greed and un-satisfaction.

– God prohibits immoral acts, immoral speech, a greedy heart towards immorality and behavior that gets us to immorality.

– God wants us to replace immorality with gratitude. The opposite of gratitude is greed.

– Thankfulness is being content with what God has already given, satisfied with what we have right now. Do you think on what you already have or lust for what you do not have?

– Stop being greedy and start being grateful. The devil wants you to desire more, what is not yours, but God teaches and commands us to be grateful for what we already have. This is more than an attitude, this is a powerful tool to fight and overcome porn.

– Think about what God has given you, a wife. Think about her laugh, her body, who she is and what you could share together. Your wife is a gift from God.

– The result of gratitude is gladness.

Family Worship

by Donald S. Whitney

 

– Christian parents usually rely on the church to get their children the spiritual lessons they need, when in actuality it is the family’s job to teach them.

– God deserves to be worshiped in our homes daily.

– Deuteronomy 6:4-7

– Joshua 24:15

– Job 1:5  — Job got up and offered sacrifices for his children every day. He prayed for his children.

– Psalms 78:1-8 — teach it to your children so that they can teach it to their children.

– Ephesians 6:4 — it is our direct responsibility as a parent to teach our children about God. When are we supposed to teach and help them? Yes, it should happen at all times of the day, but there should also be planned and purposeful moments.

– 1 Timothy 3:4-5 — if a man cannot lead family worship, how can he lead church worship? This is a requirement for pastoral position.

– There is three basic elements to family devotions: read, pray and sing.

– No need to prepare a special lesson for family devotions, just read something from the Bible, pray together and sing to the Lord.

 

– Remember when you’re having family devotions:

1. Brevity – keep it brief, especially when you have children little children. Ten minutes is enough.

2. Regularity – keep it at the same time every day. For some people it is morning and for others it is night. For some it is at a meal and for others it is right before they leave the house.

3. Flexibility – don’t be rigid. – If your children are young, you will need to use both discipline and patience. Discipline to teach them to sit still and listen. Patients since they are just children.

– You’ll have to ask age-appropriate questions to make sure your children are understanding.

– Start right now. Don’t wait. Don’t be ashamed of not starting before, go ahead and start now.

– Instead of grieving over how you wish you would have started years ago, just start family devotions today.