By Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler
- A crucial conversation is a discussion between two people with varying opinions and high stakes.
- When we have crucial conversations, we can do one of three things: avoid them, face them and respond well or face them and respond poorly.
- We become masters at avoiding tough conversations.
- The sad fact is that when we most need to respond well to a conversation, we fail.
- When crucial conversations come, we tend to fight or flight instead of listen and speak.
- Being able to handle well crucial conversations is actually healthy for you. Mountains of medical research prove that how you deal with situations and problems affect your health.
- 70% of the success of a conversation happens in your head.
- You know you’re having the wrong conversation when your emotions escalate, you become skeptical and you gain a déjà vu dialogue.
- If you speak when you are angry, you will probably make the most horrible speech you’ve ever made.
- The first thing to degenerate when you are in a dialogue is your motive. Get your heart right before anything else.
- Stay away from the fools choice of thinking a situation has to be an “either/or.”
- When you feel it comes to silence or violence, you need to take a step back.
- Nothing in this world is good or bad; it’s our thinking so — William Shakespeare
- Victim stories always say “it’s not my fault.” Although someone can be robbed on the street, most of the time saying it is not fully true to say, “it is not my fault.”
- Villain stories make the other person out to be impossible to work with.
- Proverbs 25:11 teaches you can make others feel safe and helped in your conversation.
- It’s not enough just to have good intentions, the other person must know it.
- Mutual purpose and mutual respect are needed in a conversation.
- Look for mutuality. See the other person’s point of view.
- When the other person sees there’s not mutual respect in a conversation, they will then begin to defend their dignity.
- When people misunderstand and begin arguing about the misunderstanding, then stop and reiterate what you don’t mean and do mean.
- The more convinced and forceful you act, the more resistant others become.
- Before assuming you are 100% right, realize your observations may be false and your story may not be accurate.
- You can’t determine what someone will think after a conversation, but you can influence it.
- Ask yourself how you should act in order to get what you are asking.
- Back off your harsh and conclusive tone, and take a step back to hear and understand the other person.
- You can still hold your belief while softening your approach.
- Start with the heart. When you do ask someone to share their views, you must do so with sincerity.
- When people respond in silence or violence, find out what the hidden source is instead of responding in the same manner.