Category: Church & Christian Life

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Love Her Well

By Kari Kampakis (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • Remember that God chose you for your child.
  • Let your daughter know that only Jesus is perfect, and you need Him just like she
    needs Him.
  • Remember that God loves your daughter much more than you can. Remember also
    that you are not alone, and you need help from God and others.
  • Your relationship will never be perfect, but it can be exceptional.
  • Your daughter needs you, and you need her.
  • We don’t give up on what God has given us (daughter) because God does not give
    up on us.

10 ways to find joy and connection with your teenage daughter:

  1. Choose your words and timing carefully.
    Criticism is a killer of relationships.
    Words have power, and your words as a parent have superpowers.
  2. Listen and empathize with her world.
    Listen to your daughter attentively.
    Proverbs 18:13.
  3. Be her mom.

You can outsource many things, but you cannot outsource your God-
given role as a parent.

Don’t be afraid to parent.
Your child might not understand rules now, but you are the parent.
Make your daughter aware of choices and consequences.
Don’t wait to have the difficult conversations with your daughter.
Help your daughter learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. She
will need to make decisions to do what’s right in life and it will not always
be comfortable.
Some parents work on rules with their children, and some parents work
on relationship – a wise parent does both.
Proverbs 29:17.
The question is not if your daughter will mess up rather how will you help
her when she messes up.

  1. Make relationship a priority.

Teenagers are human, and like any other human, they do better listening
from someone they know loves them.
Take the lead in cultivating a strong relationship with your daughter.
Apologize when you are wrong.
Be concise; she most likely will not listen to you give a long lecture, so be
concise.
Let go of regret.
Don’t compare your relationship with that of other parents/teens. Every
relationship has peaks and valleys, good and difficult seasons.
Give your daughter space when needed instead of peppering her with
questions.
Spend one on one time together.
Express specifically what you love about her.
Show affection, even when she does not reciprocate.
Show up, do your best, and keep trying.
Don’t take rejection personally.
Have fun together, don’t be afraid to be silly.

  1. See the good, loving her as she is where she is.

Recognize her potential.
Be the first to believe in her in the last to lose faith.
No one enjoys being around a person that expects perfection.
Be quick to point out when she does something right.
Praise her and applaud her.
Love her as she is.
Love her where she is.
When you become impatient with your daughter, remember how patient
God is with you.
Treat your daughter like she is already the person she has potential of
being.
Remember your own mess-ups.
Remember your influence with your daughter.
Those closest to us are the ones who can hurt us the most, so remember
this before you react or blow up.
Your daughter may look grown-up, but her brain is still developing, so
help her.
Know that your daughter is already criticizing herself.

  1. Help her find good friends and positive influences.

Friendships help get through adolescent years but friendships don’t
always stay the same.
Friendship for your daughter are just like friendships for you, they make
life better.
Help your daughter understand that the closer she is to God, the better
friend she can be.
A great friendship keeps God at the center.
Friendships make life better, but they do not eliminate all problems.
Only God is perfect and can give all the help needed — help your
daughter understands that.
Forced friendships, always expire.
Friendships should be a source of encouragement, not of stress.
Help your daughter know she needs the right friends, and needs to avoid
the wrong friends.
It is important that your daughter knows that good company will help her
while bad company will pull her down.

Your friends reveal your future, so help your daughter find the right
friends.
Get to know your daughter’s friends.

  1. Be her emotional coach.

Give your daughter space for her feelings and emotions.
Teach your daughter how to resolve conflict.
Limit her social media time.
Don’t be afraid of setting boundaries when needed.
Teach your daughter empathy – every day is a new opportunity to
practice empathy towards others.
Help her cultivate a healthy thought life.
Remember to be an example, because your daughter sees more in you
than she hears from you.
See conflicts as opportunities.
Teach your daughter to have an intimate walk with God.
Remember that you need good mental health in order to help your
daughter.
James 1:5 — God offers the wisdom you need.
Your daughter’s emotions can make her or break her, and you have the
responsibility to help her know how to navigate those emotions.

  1. Enjoy her, laugh often, and have fun.

Pay attention to the little things your daughter enjoys.
Randomly stop by your daughter’s bed and pray for her.
Do something fun with her like buy her something out of the norm, or
watch a movie late at night.
Take her to a coffee shop.
Play a board game or cards with her.
Surprise her with a gift or going somewhere.
Plan a party for her by picking up all her friends and taking them
somewhere.
Be present when you are with her.

  1. Take care of yourself and have a support system for hard days.

Exercise.
Go to the doctor when you need it.

Stop beating yourself up.
The script in your head matters, be careful what you tell yourself.
Don’t dwell on past regrets.
Yesterday is over and today is a new day.
Turn outward and not inward. Get help with problems instead of isolating
yourself. God and others are there to help you.
Know yourself and set limits for what you can and cannot do.
Teenagers need space and help, and it’s easier to give them the space
and help they need.

  1. Pray for her and empower her through faith.

Pray for your daughter to make the right decisions.
Pray for God to cultivate a love for Him and others in her heart.
Pray for her health.
Pray for her to seek God’s approval over men’s approval.
Pray for her to have good friends.
Pray for her future spouse.
Pray she will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and have strong convictions.
Remember it’s not in your prayers but in the One to whom you are
praying.

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Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately?

By David Wilkerson (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • In one way or another, everyone is hurting in some way.
  • Time heals nothing, only God can truly heal.
  • God never promised you a painless life, He promised you a way of escape and
    strength to continue.
  • You cannot depend on others for your happiness.
  • God is the only source of true satisfaction and happiness; not your spouse, best
    friend, pastor, psychiatrist, or anyone else.
  • When your relationship with Chris is not right, every other area is affected.
  • A sparrow never falls without God knowing, and He also knows when His children fall
    and still loves them.
  • The devil wants to destroy your faith.
  • God doesn’t hide when we sin. Just as He came to Adam and Eve in the garden
    when they sinned, so He is still available and present with us.
  • Our guilt and shame tells us that God doesn’t want to hear from us, but that’s a lie.
    Go with bended knee and heart and speak to Him.
  • Going to the Father in prayer is the solution to every dry spell.
  • Sin causes Christians to live in discouragement and defeat.
  • Fear is the power the devil has over man, but God can break that power and give
    victory.
  • Satan has no right or claim on a Christian.
  • As a child of God, one of the most important steps is what you do after you fall.
  • Satan has one big goal with believers, and that is to turn them into unbelievers. To
    make them doubt and quit believing what God can do.
  • The three steps to atheism is guilt, doubt, and unbelief.
  • A great lessons a Christian should learn from their inner, fleshly struggles, is to stop
    throwing stones at others.
  • You can’t save yourself, help yourself, or please God yourself, you need His help. Let
    God be in charge of your growth and holiness, for He wants to help you.
  • The way to holiness is through humility. All our pride must be smashed.
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Grieving

By James R. White (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • God’s promise is that He’ll be with His children as they mourn, not that He will keep
    them from such things.
  • Christians are not spared from grief, but they are spared from grief without hope.
  • The culture avoids speaking of grief. It is expected for one to handle things on their
    own, but grief is not handled well alone.
  • The big question about grief is how much time someone needs to get over it. The
    truth is that one will never fully get over it.
  • The greatest pressures through the grief process is not from others (employers,
    friends and family), rather from one’s self.
  • Grieving is natural, it takes time, and it is individual.
  • How one deals with the grieving process will determine if one becomes angry, lonely,
    or bitter.
  • Isolation feeds on fear, and fear feeds on isolation.
  • Shock and numbness comes first. Then comes the storm of feelings and emotions
    we must work through. Then we must unlearn old habits tied to the person no longer
    with us, and learn new ones based on our new reality of life.
  • If we do not believe God is in control and works all for our good (Romans 8:28), we
    might have a real problem.
  • It’s ok to be happy. Many in grief feel like they cannot enjoy themselves, or it’s a lack
    of respect to the lost loved one.
  • Grief deceives making us think we’ll only be happy getting back how things were
    before.
  • Avoid the temptation of giving up when it’s not easy. Move ahead with necessary
    actions.
  • Take advantage of the grace God has given through talking to others. There are good
    people in your church and community that are there for you.
  • A big thing that has helped so many to refocus and get back to a joyful life is service
    to others. When one starts helping others, it pulls them from the downward spiral of
    looking downward and inward.
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Golden Rule Relationships

By Zig Ziglar (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • If your relationships are good, life seems to be good to you. On the other hand, if
    your relationships with those love are not going well, life seems to be very tough.
  • A self-centered person is not a happy person.
  • Other people can give pleasure, but you will not be happy until you do things for
    other people.
  • You must be before you can do, and you must do before you can have.
  • There is nothing to freeze an individual like forgiveness.
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Church Zero

By Peyton Jones (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • The word apostle means “sent one,” which is the meaning of the word missionary.
  • The mega church can be useful, but it can also be a great hurdle to Kingdom
    expansion when it’s more concerned with bringing people in than it is sending them
    out.
  • Sadly, churches are in the numbers business because there is money to be made in
    numbers. As a result, they hang on to everyone and don’t worry about sending
    anyone out for Kingdom expansion.
  • Babel should teach us that bigger is not always better.
  • Judgment must begin at the house of God. If we want the church to change about
    Kingdom expansion, and the future to look different, then we must change.
  • People say they can’t find the term “church planting missionary” in the Bible, but
    that’s exactly the meaning of the word apostle.
  • We strive to be the modern day Spurgeon, Lloyd Jones, Wesley, or Whitefield,
    without worrying about what God wants.
  • Paul knew he could not do the work alone, he needed a team of people.
  • Paul would roll into a city, preach, train others, and exit for another place to repeat
    the same process. He worked himself out of a job.
  • Paul’s ministry method was “watch, do, train.” On the job training was (and is) the
    most effective way to prepare guys for ministry.
  • We spend too much time asking ourselves instead of asking for God‘s help to do the
    work.
  • You need God to show up! It’s not a coincidence that when you ask Him, He shows
    up more than when you do not ask Him.
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Choose To Win

By Tom Ziglar (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • Everyone needs a clearly defined “why.”
  • Its important you clarify your “why” (why are doing it), and when you do it opens
    doors to your “what” (what you do) and transform your “how” (how you do
    everything).
  • Hope is born when you realize you have the power to make things better or worse.
  • See your past as the reason to move forward and not the reason to quit.
  • The time you are in the furnace is preparing you for significance.
  • Attitude is a reflection of character, and character is a reflection of habit.
  • The opposite of entitlement is gratitude.
  • Your past is important, but not as important as you see your future.
  • A habit is simply a small choice you’ve chosen to do over and over
  • When your “why” is big enough, the sacrifice is worth it.
  • Living to win is a choice. What choices are you going to make that will transform
    you?
  • The fastest way to change bad habits is to begin doing good habits.
  • Persistent consistency is the answer to improvement in almost any area of your life
  • Become an intentional noticer. Pay attention to the positive details, and let others
    know.
  • The words we say to our children today will be the constant whispers they hear in
    the future.
  • It is not negative to identify problems. It is only negative if all you do is dwell on the
    problems.
  • Do not be afraid of being uncomfortable. In fact, a good leader learns to be
    comfortable with being uncomfortable.
  • Clarity helps you make the right choices and take the right actions.
  • You can determine beforehand that you will respond positively to setbacks that come
    your way.
  • If you do more than you are paid to do, eventually you will get paid more for what
    you do. — Zig Ziglar
  • Doing a job well is a combination of attitude, effort, and skill.
  • Attitudes either bring energy or deplete energy.
  • Effort is hustle with smarts.
  • Words of encouragement never get old.
  • A great attitude drives effort and skill.
  • Decide that today is the day you will take control of your most valuable asset, which
    is your attitude.
  • One thing is certain, if you never take the first step, then you will never take the
    second step.
  • Change begins with you, but it does not start until you start.
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Accidental Pharisees

By Larry Osborne (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • Spiritual arrogance is not a “back of the line” sin, it is a “front of the line” sin.
  • We think we are on fire for God and so zealous, so we begin to look down on others.
  • Looking down on others is a dangerous viewpoint.
  • Looking down on others is a reward-killer.
  • Pride’s unholy trinity is log-eye disease, self-deception, and comparison.
  • Log-eye disease enables us to keep a list of others’ shortcomings while ignoring our
    own.
  • The Bible is supposed to be a mirror for us, not a pair of binoculars to look into the
    lives of others.
  • When our goal becomes thinning the herd instead of feeding the flock, we are acting
    more like Pharisees than Christ followers.
  • The moment we allow our personal passion and calling to be the litmus test for who
    is and who isn’t a genuine disciple, we have taken it too far. In fact, at this point we
    have ceased building the Kingdom of God and are now tearing it down.
  • The moment my personal application of the implications of Scripture becomes my
    lens through which I judge others, something is terribly wrong.
  • Boundaries that are narrower than the ones Jesus laid down do not protect the flock,
    they divide the flock. They sow discord among the brethren, something God is not
    fond of.
  • The Pharisees of Jesus day always seemed to require more from the people, more
    than Jesus was requesting. We must be careful we are not becoming Pharisees,
    accidental though it may be.
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Winning Your Wife Back

By Gary Smalley (summary by Jeffrey Bush)

  • Identify things that can damage your game plan of progress.
  • When your wife is offended, her spirit, soul, and body closes up. Although there are
    many ways to offend your wife, here are some principal ways: speaking harsh words,
    telling her that her opinion doesn’t matter, making jokes at her expense, taking her
    for granted, not appreciating her, not trusting her, being rude to her in front of others,
    and dismissing her needs.
  • A man does many things to close his wife’s spirit, but the key is to find ways to open
    it back up.
  • Here are attitudes that can drain a damaged spirit:
  1. Become soft and tender towards your wife. You didn’t get to where you are
    quickly, so you need to be willing to spend the time to be soft and tender.
  2. Understand as much as possible, what your wife has went through. Listening
    communicates to your wife that you care for her.
  3. Acknowledge that your wife is hurting, and then admit your mistake and seek
    forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness opens your wife’s heart back up towards
    you.
  4. Show genuine repentance. As a matter of the heart, mind, and behavior.
  • Listen to understand, and listen with your heart.
  • A good listener is patient, doesn’t do something else at the same time, is focused on
    the person, makes eye contact, and does not grunt responses.
  • Listening takes time, and that’s why so few are good at it. Your wife wants to know
    that she has been heard.
  • Solutions seem to come when both take the time to understand each other.
  • A genuine attitude is key when seeking forgiveness.
  • Having a humble spirit is probably the best way to melt your wife’s angry and closed
    spirit. Humility improves a situation by leaps of bounds.
  • Honoring your wife puts feet to the words “I love you.”
  • Learn to have sacrificial love. To sacrifice is to give up, and that’s what you must do
    for your wife – let her choose in almost every area.
  • Trust is a cornerstone to marriage. If trust has been broken, ask your wife for a list of
    things you can do to win her trust back. If she will not give you an answer, ask some
    of her friends to give you a list.
  • Don’t make it your goal to just get your wife’s trust back, make it your goal to be the
    man God wants you to be, and the man your wife needs.
  • Join an accountability group to help you be and to continue being the man you
    should be.
  • A woman has four basic needs that help her feel deeply loved:
  1. Unconditional security—making plans, cultivating a spirit of truthfulness, etc.
  2. Meaningful words – this is like water to a dry soul. No marriage can survive
    without communication. Your relationship will be as good as your
    communication.
  3. Emotional, romantic bonding. Romance does not just happen.
  4. Positive, physical touching. Nonsexual touching is extremely important for
    your wife. Hugging, patting, massaging, and touching in nonsexual ways.