Winning with People
by John Maxwell
– It doesn’t matter what you work or do, if you can win with people then you will do well.
– People do not reach their full potential not because they are not talented but because they do not know how to work with people.
– We will see others from our own outlook – if we are critical, we will see everyone else as critical. If we are compassionate, we will see others as compassionate.
– Timing is important — when asking forgiveness, asking a favor or whatever it maybe.
– Selfishness will always hurt every relationship. We must put our personal agendas aside and build our relationships.
– Our attitudes and actions affect more than just the words that we say. Our tone of voice and how we act is more important than just the words.
– If our reaction is bigger than the action, the problem will become only bigger.
– The law of the elevator is that you lift people up or take them down. What other people say that you left them up or pull them down?
– There are 4 kinds of people in relationships:
1. Those to add value. Do all the good to all the people you can in every way that you can whenever you can – DL Moody Adding value to others requires that you give of yourself. Make it your goal to be a friend and add value to others. You’re more than the average guy and help everyone around you. Add value to everyone around you and to the job you have.
2. Some subtract things from life. We tolerate these people. Some people subtract from relationships by default because they do not add to the relationship. In relationships, receiving is easy but giving us more difficult.
3. Dividers. People that just want to cause some kind of division. If there’s someone good or better than them, they want to get rid of them.
4. Lifters. Those who lift up others around them.
– Caring for people should always come before confronting people.
– The people who learn the most are not necessarily the people who spend more time with smart people, they are people with a teachable attitude.
– Learn to smile, it is inviting.
– Remember that a person’s name is a sweet sound to their ears.
– Make other people feel important and do it sincerely.
– Believing the best in people brings out the best of those people.
– Everybody needs somebody. The question is not if we need others, but how much we need others.
– Reminding people who you are, your position or what you have done will never get you far in a friendship or any relationship.
– Being a victim and always feeling sorry for yourself will kill any friendship or relationship.
– Six ways of conflict resolution:
1. Confront a person only if you care for that person.
2. Meet with each other ASAP. Many times when there’s a problem, we try to avoid it or wait a long time to talk… this is a mistake. The more time you wait the bigger the problem gets. Meeting in person is always the best. Talking on the phone is possible if you cannot meet in person, but never do it via text or email.
3. Seek understanding, not necessarily agreement. Don’t give judgment before you understand. You cannot reach understanding if your focus is on yourself.
4. Outline the issue. Let the other person know how you feel about what is happening without attacking the person.
5. Encourage a response. Never finish a conversation without letting the other person respond.
6. Agree to an action plan. Working on an action plan shows you’re focusing on the future instead of the past or problems.
– Instead of putting people in their place, put yourself in their place.
– People are interested in the person that is interested in them.
– You can learn something from everyone if you will be teachable.
– Believing the best in people will usually bring the best out of people.
– Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
– Never let the situations be more important than your relationship.
– Do you see the big picture or just a bad picture?
– Do not make every situation a life or death situation.
– Be approachable to talk to.
– Be the kind of friend that others can trust.
– Relationships is like everything else, you get out of them what you invest in them.
– The People Principals in Relationships:
1. The gardening principle – all relationships need cultivation to grow.
2. The 101% principle – find the 1% that you agree on and give it your 100%. Most people look for the differences for whatever reason, but find what you can agree on, the common ground.
3. The patience principal – the journey with others is always slower than the journey alone. All good relationships take time.
4. The celebration principle – the real question is not how loyal we are when our friends fail, but how much we rejoice with them when they succeed.
5. The highroad principle – we go to another level by treating others better than they treat us. We can only take three routes: the low road where we treat others worse than they treat us; the middle toad where we treat others the same as they treat us; or the high road where we treat others better than they treat us.