Category: Helpful Resources

For Married Men Only

by Tony Evans

 

– We love by choice no by feeling.

– You are to set aside your wants and desires for your wife. Too many marriages are hurt because there is no sacrifice involved.

– There is such a thing as winning the momentary battle but losing the marital war.

– Until you are willing and ready to die to yourself, don’t expect any change in your wife.

– A husband is to function as his wife’s pastor.

– When you married your wife, you also married her history, everything she has been to that point.

– What Jesus does for His bride, the church, the husband is to do for his bride, his wife.

– Don’t go around saying that you are the head of the house unless you are willing to say you are the pastor of the house as well, and are fulfilling that role.

– Don’t expect your congregation at home to get in line unless you are willing to fill your place behind the pulpit at home.

– A shepherd leads the sheep, he doesn’t drive them. That means he must be out front and know the way, growing himself, so that he can help the others along the way.

– A husband who is stagnant spiritually will have a hard time leading his wife.

– If a wife is miserable all the time, maybe she has a miserable husband. A wife is the husband’s mirror.

– A husband is to meet his wife’s needs. Remember that that is what Christ does for His bride.

– Most men talk a better game when they are dating then they play when they get married.

– Jesus picked up the towel and washed the disciple’s feet. He was teaching us and giving us an example. The husband is to serve his wife.

– A servant serves whether he feels like it or not.

– If you are to love your wife as you love your own body, here’s a simple rule: pamper and take care of her at least as much as you pamper and take care of yourself – now double that and you will be doing well.

– A husband is to study his wife because women are not easy to figure out, almost like a tourist going to a foreign country.

– If a waiter greets you happily at a restaurant but then disappears when you are ready to order a drink or food, you will probably not give the waiter a very big tip. The waiter’s lack of attention will frustrate you. Yet many times a husband wants a tip when he gets into bed at night, and wonders why the wife is not interested.

– You are joined together in marriage. That means that nothing is going to separate you, that you are going to leave other things off to the side and not let anything creep in the middle. Kick the thought of divorce out of your mind and vocabulary.

– We are to nourish our wives. To nourish your body, you take care of it by eating daily, not once a month. And to nourish our wives, we must daily care for them, not just every once in a while.

 

– Here are some ways you can nourish your wife:

1. Words of affirmation. You might not think that you have the right words to say and do not know how to affirm her, but you did a pretty good job while dating her to get her to marry you.

2. Quality time. It takes time to exercise and take care of your body, and so it will take time to take care for your wife.

3. Gifts. It’s not the price of the gift, but the fact that you took time and thought about her to get a gift.

4. Acts of service. We’ve already mentioned that it takes time to take care of our wives, so do some things that will help. Pick up something or put it back up or help clean up.

5. Physical touch. This is non-sexual. Just showing that you are there for her and love her.

First Things First

by Stephen Covey

 

– Nobody on their deathbed wished they had spent more time in the office.

– We are torn between things that we want to do and the demands upon us. The enemy of best is good.

– We must ask ourselves if we are doing the right things before we ask ourselves if we are doing the things right.

– We must focus more on doing what is important than doing what is urgent.

– Too many people live in the mindset of doing what is urgent yet not important. They get an adrenaline rush by doing it, but it does not accomplish much for your goals.

– The clock and the compass Is what you are spending your time on (clock), pointing in the direction you are wanting to go (compass)?

– Vision clarifies purpose.

– You must identify your roles in life, they represent your responsibilities you have to family and society.

– You must sharpen your saw. We often get so busy sawing, that we forget or neglect to sharpen our saw.

– Getting things done is like filling a jar with big rocks, then gravel, then sand and then water — if you would not have put the big rocks in first, they would’ve never fit in later. Your “big rocks” are the most important things that need to be done. If you work on all other things, you will not have time or room for the “big rocks.”

Finally Free

by Heath Lambert

 

– God has forgiving grace and transforming grace. You have the power to change and can change.

– There are two kinds of sorrows over sin: worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow is sad over the things one is about to lose, but godly sorrow is sad about hurting God.

– Until you realize what you’re sin is doing to your relationship with God, nothing is going to change.

– You will not be free from the sin of pornography until you realize that you need help from other brothers and sisters in Christ.

– We are commanded to carry the burdens of others (Galatians 6:1-2), so we should help our brothers that need help because one day we may need their help.

 

– Ways to better use accountability for our good:

1. Effective accountability does not rely solely on the other person (accountability partner). If you rely on other people as your only weapon in the battle against porn, you will fail. Accountability is important, but it is only one of the tools used in overcoming porn.

2. Effective accountability is involved earlier rather than later. Don’t just recognize your sin of the past, ask God to help you with future temptations.

3. Effective accountability involves someone with maturity. If you don’t find help from someone who has had victory over sin, someone who is spiritually mature and spends time with God, you’re likely not going to get help overcoming your sin. Galatians 6:1 implies that a more spiritual brother help a less spiritual brother; you need help from a stronger Christian.

4. Effective accountability involves someone with authority. Yes you need help from someone who is more spiritually mature, but you also need help from leadership – Hebrews 13:17. God has given more spiritual authority to spiritual leaders, so find one that can help you.

5. Effective accountability should avoid explicit details. Sharing details of struggles can fuel the fire for other temptations amongst the listeners. Ephesians 5:11-12. You cross a biblical line when you go from giving general details of sins to specific or gross details of sins.

6. Effective accountability places the responsibility of confession on the person with the problem.

7. Effective accountability must actually hold people accountable. Find someone with the desire and courage that will actually hold you accountable. This is more than just someone to meet with you, this is someone who will pray for you, receive your calls and talk with you. Commitment to help you overcome your sins.

 

– You can pray big and ask God to help you with the temptation, but if you do not do everything within your power to get rid of the accessibility (or availability), you are not going to overcome porn. Matthew 5:27-30

– There are two decisions and two outcomes; a easy path that leads to destruction and a hard path that leads to life.

– Radical measures must start in your thought life.

– Just as if you only ripped off the top of a plant it will grow back because the root is still there, so the nasty sin of porn will keep coming back if you only stop the physical measures. You must change your mindset, your thoughts, about ridding of the temptations and sin.

– Radical measures concerning your thoughts about porn:

1. Repent. Realize how this is hurting you, God and others.

2. Remember Scriptures. Scripture memory is what will help you overcome sin in your thoughts. Psalms 119:11 3. Reach out for help. You cannot fight this battle alone, you must call in reinforcements. Find people who will help you keep accountable and help you overcome this in your life.

 

– Radical measures concerning your time:

1. You must limit your time alone or you will not overcome porn. If you’re in a room with others, if your friends or pastor is with you, you will not be looking at porn, but when you are alone, the temptations are greater.

2. You must be honest with your accountability partner about the times that you were alone. You can study, be with others, play sports, etc., but you must be careful about being alone. Have someone call you at a specific time. Make sure someone knows where you are at, go to bed when your spouse does, be with a group or do whatever you need to in order not to be alone.

3. Take radical measures of your access to porn. Most people will view it over and over through the same access points. Allow someone to have access to your phone personal space at home. If you know stop you before looking. someone to have an access code to browse the Internet on your phone computer. If you have to go to the extreme of getting rid of devices, do it. The truth is that you do not need any devices to live, but you do need to be holy.

– Confessing your sins to others can be helpful. Just like surgery (removing the harmful so that you can heal), so can confession to others help.

– There is no mercy when you’re pride is not willing to humble and confess.

– Confess to those that are directly impacted by your sin, but be careful not to involve those that are not impacted by your sin or to give too many details because it could have the opposite effect.

– Proverbs 5:15-20

– Move from danger (the forbidden woman) to delight (your wife).

– People who look at porn he have an arrogant heart, it stems from pride. We are told that porn is a problem and that people run to porn because they are not fulfilled in other areas of their life, but this is not a problem we can blame on someone else.

– Looking at porn is an arrogant distain for our children and disrespect for God and the women we are looking at when we look at porn.

– It is impossible to look at porn and be humble at the same time.

– Use gratitude to overcome porn – Ephesians 5:3-4

– Looking at porn is greed and un-satisfaction.

– God prohibits immoral acts, immoral speech, a greedy heart towards immorality and behavior that gets us to immorality.

– God wants us to replace immorality with gratitude. The opposite of gratitude is greed.

– Thankfulness is being content with what God has already given, satisfied with what we have right now. Do you think on what you already have or lust for what you do not have?

– Stop being greedy and start being grateful. The devil wants you to desire more, what is not yours, but God teaches and commands us to be grateful for what we already have. This is more than an attitude, this is a powerful tool to fight and overcome porn.

– Think about what God has given you, a wife. Think about her laugh, her body, who she is and what you could share together. Your wife is a gift from God.

– The result of gratitude is gladness.

Family Worship

by Donald S. Whitney

 

– Christian parents usually rely on the church to get their children the spiritual lessons they need, when in actuality it is the family’s job to teach them.

– God deserves to be worshiped in our homes daily.

– Deuteronomy 6:4-7

– Joshua 24:15

– Job 1:5  — Job got up and offered sacrifices for his children every day. He prayed for his children.

– Psalms 78:1-8 — teach it to your children so that they can teach it to their children.

– Ephesians 6:4 — it is our direct responsibility as a parent to teach our children about God. When are we supposed to teach and help them? Yes, it should happen at all times of the day, but there should also be planned and purposeful moments.

– 1 Timothy 3:4-5 — if a man cannot lead family worship, how can he lead church worship? This is a requirement for pastoral position.

– There is three basic elements to family devotions: read, pray and sing.

– No need to prepare a special lesson for family devotions, just read something from the Bible, pray together and sing to the Lord.

 

– Remember when you’re having family devotions:

1. Brevity – keep it brief, especially when you have children little children. Ten minutes is enough.

2. Regularity – keep it at the same time every day. For some people it is morning and for others it is night. For some it is at a meal and for others it is right before they leave the house.

3. Flexibility – don’t be rigid. – If your children are young, you will need to use both discipline and patience. Discipline to teach them to sit still and listen. Patients since they are just children.

– You’ll have to ask age-appropriate questions to make sure your children are understanding.

– Start right now. Don’t wait. Don’t be ashamed of not starting before, go ahead and start now.

– Instead of grieving over how you wish you would have started years ago, just start family devotions today.

Fall in Love, Stay in Love

by Willard Harley, Jr

– Most couples get married because they are in love, but what happens when you fall out of love? If you are going to stay in love with your spouse, you have to deliberately do things to keep the love growing between you.

– In marriage, you can be your spouse’s greatest source of pleasure or greatest source of pain.

– How is it that a man who is so busy at his job and never has time for his family makes time to have an affair when he didn’t even have time for his own family? The problem is not his lack of time but wrong priorities.

– We all want to keep secrets or not reveal truth about our weaknesses, but secrets will only break up our marriage.

– Even if there was hidden things in the past, your lack of honesty will crumble your marriage.

– An annoying habit is a behavior without thought. Be thoughtful to what your spouse likes or dislikes.

– You need a policy of radical honesty in your marriage.

– Honesty is not disrespect, demands or angry outbursts.

– Whatever thing you have to say when you are angry is best kept unsaid – don’t call that honesty.

– Eliminate any love busters that have crept into your marriage.

– Tell your spouse what things hurt, belittle and offend you. Get things out and lovingly fix them.

– Reciprocity is essential for a good marriage — you can’t just be a taker.

– Can you see the give/take attitude in yourself as much as you can see it in your spouse?

– Use your intelligence to make decisions instead of using your emotional reactions.

– Every decision in marriage affects both spouses, so consideration should be taken before making big decisions.

– When there is a difference between your friends and family and your spouse, you should always take your spouse’s side.

– Unless you make intentional time for your spouse every week, you cannot expect a good relationship with your spouse. Schedule the time together, be away from your children and family and offer your undivided attention.

Failing Forward

by John Maxwell

 

– What makes a person successful? It is not the family that they come from or the money they have. Success is not from a grade or an ability, success comes from the perception and reaction to failure in life.

– Just as poverty is more common than wealth and problems are more common than victories, so failure is much more common than success.

– The question is not if you will have problems but how you are going to deal with the problems. So decide you will fail forward and not backwards.

– The first step into failing forward is to realize that there is one main difference between average people and achieving people, how they fail.

– Failure is unavoidable, it’s going to happen in life, but failure does not have to be final. You do not have to give up or quit when you fail.

– Failure is simply the price we pay to achieve success.

– Achievers reject rejection.

– Achievers see failure as temporary. Failures are isolated incidents, they’re not what life is made of.

– Winners focus on what they can do, not what they cannot do.

– Achievers bounce back. Life is made of outcomes, sometimes good and sometimes bad. When things go right check it out to continue the pattern; when things go wrong, figure out how to change it.

– Don’t take failure personally. No matter how many times you fail, it does not have to make you a failure.

– You cannot avoid fear, but in order to conquer fear you have to recognize the feeling yet still take action.

– If you always do what you’ve always done then you always get what you always got – you have to learn from failure to change things.

– Every failure you make is a fork in the road where either you change and go forward or you stop and give up.

– Don’t give up, cover-up or back up, learn and fail forward.

– Change your response to failure by accepting responsibility.

– You do not have to let failure from the outside inside of you.

– Past failures can make you better or bitter but the choice is yours.

– Allow failures to be breakthroughs not breakups.

– To change your world you must first change yourself.

– Learn to give more than take. Giving is the highest form of living. Get over yourself and learn to help others.

– The more you fail, the greater the chances are that you succeed. Most people do not want to fail because after all, no one wants to look bad.

– Regret for the things that we did will diminish, but regret for the things that we did not do stay with us (in regards to attempting to succeed).

– If you wait for the perfect time, it will never come. Do not wait to be inspired, just do something now. The difference between a professional writer and an amateur writer is that an amateur writer waits until he is inspired to write while a professional writer just begins to write and later becomes inspired.

– Failure is either your friend or your enemy, only you decide. Failure can be your greatest friend if you will learn from it.

– Your attitude towards failure will determine the altitude you go after failure.

– Teachability is the attitude that says no matter how good, bad or hard the situation, I can learn something from it. There’s always a jewel of success in every situation.

– There are two ways to learn: experience, which is gained by what you have learned; and wisdom, which is gained by what others have learned. We will not live long enough to gain all the experience, so be wise and learn from others.

– Learning is defined in a change of behavior.

 

– Here are some reasons why people fail although they can be avoided:

1. Poor People skills – If you have not learned how to get along with others, you will always be fighting a battle.

2. A Negative Attitude – If your circumstances are always bad, maybe it’s a time for change… Love your attitude, not your surroundings.

3. A Bad Fit – If you hate what you’re doing you feel like you’re not made for it, it may be time to change what you’re doing.

4. Lack of Focus – Maybe your priorities are out of wack.

5. Week Commitment – without commitment, you cannot accomplish anything of value.

6. Unwilling to Change – A very big problem for many people is their lack of flexibility. You do not have to like change, but you do have to be willing to accept change.

7. Relying on Talent Alone – Talent is good but it is not enough.

8. Acting on Limited information – not having enough information or the wrong information will cripple you.

 

– To avoid a lot of failure, take the following steps:

1. Hang around the right people – people can encourage or discourage you, hurt or help you so hang around those that will help you.

2. Eliminate the excuses – we can find an excuse for anything, but bite the bullet and keep trying.

– He that makes no mistakes never makes anything.

– Failure is milestone on the journey to success.

– Get up, get over it and move forward.

Expositional Preaching

by Various Authors

 

– Bring out of Scripture only what is there, not what is not there

– Expositional preaching is to humble the sinner, honor the Savior and promote holiness in the life of the saints

– Contextualization is important to expositional preaching. But expose before you contextualize.

– The Biblical text is the relevant truth needed for the people.

– We can both get the text right and get it across to the people, we do not have to choose one or the other.

– If you want to be a good expositor, first think of what the original writer was meaning and saying when he wrote it.

– Give the Biblical context control.

– Listen to the unique things said in the passage, the melodic line in the passage.

– Repeated words and phrases.

– The more time you spend in the text, the more you will understand how it works.

– The sermon is not just a compilation of the facts that you gathered from the passage.

– How does the passage relate to the Bible as a whole and the redemption of Christ?

– Every text has a road to Christ.

– The historical fact in the Bible cannot be the only thing taken from the text.

– The makeup of your audience, the arrangements of your material and the application of your message.

– We can’t forget about our audience, but we can’t cater to our audience to the point we veer from the truth .

– Do you love the Lord? Then feed His sheep. Learn to love people.

– Pray in advance to our preaching, pray in the midst of our preaching and pray even after our preaching.

– We need clarity in our preaching. The people we engage are not as enthusiastic about the details and passage as the preacher, so make sure the point, takeaway and application is clear.

– State in a single sentence what the author wants and what you are asking, your aim.

– Bring out of Scripture what is there, do not thrust in what you want to be there.

– We are not looking to add to the mind to the listeners, we are aiming for the heart of the listeners.

– Acts 17:30 Paul asked for repentance from his listeners. We should know what we want from the listeners.

– We should be contextually aware but textually driven, not the other way around.

Everybody Wins

by Gary Chapman

 

– When you win an argument, your spouse loses, and no one enjoys being a loser.

– What does an argument accomplish? Yes, it can point out a complaint, but it only makes the relationship worse.

– When you argue, one of three conclusions will happen:

1. You win and your spouse loses.

2. You lose and your spouse wins.

3. You come to a draw, meaning you are both losers and one walks away thinking the other is right.

 

– You can resolve conflicts without having an argument.

– Conflicts are inevitable in marriage. The goal is not to get rid of conflicts, but to learn to resolve conflicts.

– We argue because we are rigid, believing we know the best way to do things and that there’s no other way. – Spouses that look for a way to resolve the conflict instead of argue the conflict have a win-win attitude; they look for the best results for both of them.

– Selfishness is the opposite of love. Seeking to resolve a conflict means you are not going to be selfish rather love the other person.

– Respect your spouse as a person.

– Conflicts are inevitable, but if a couple loves each other they can learn to attack the problem together instead of attacking each other.

– By nature we are all self-centered and that self-centeredness brings on arguments; thinking that your way is the only way and the right way. To solve conflicts, you need love, respect and togetherness.

– Conflict resolution requires empathetic listening.

– We are responders by nature, so we need to practice and remind ourselves to be good listeners.

– When you put everything aside and give your spouse your undivided attention, you are transmitting to your spouse that they are important to you.

– Empathetic listening means to give your spouse undivided attention. If you only give your spouse a portion of your attention (multitasking while they’re talking) you’re communicating that they’re not the most important to you, yet one of the many things.

– Empathetic listening means that you do not respond before your spouse finishes. Hear your spouse out, do not interrupt him/her in the middle of their talk.

– Understanding requires 4 things:

1. Understand what your spouse is really saying, not what you think he/she is saying.

2. Hear your spouse’s feelings. If you listen, you will find out how they really feel.

3. Discover what is truly important to your spouse and why.

4. Determine how strong your spouse feels about their perspective. Use a 1 to 10 scale and you will more easily find out how they feel.

– Empathetic listening is the opposite of asserting your own opinion.

– Love is an attitude, not a feeling. Those who only love when they feel like it will not love when the feeling is not present.

– Marriage is a continual process, always grow in your marriage. Read books, listen to audiobooks, attend seminars and do as much as you can to always be growing in your marriage.

– Almost no couple enjoys arguing, but many couples argue on a regular basis.

– Conflicts are inevitable, but arguments are optional (a very unhealthy option).

– When you win an argument, your spouse is a loser… and no one enjoys living with a loser.

– Arguments do not win conflicts, they only intensify them.